Loaded with cold. Snotty beak and a bit of a cough. Sore throat before breakfast, but that eased by mid-morning. Went into town for more supplies. Had lentil and bacon soup with a tin of tuna in it. Jenni stayed in bed to beat the cold and watch telly. I feel rotten. I should have stayed in Consett. Jenni wanted me to be here for New Year. But not a great way to start. I read the opening chapters of How Saints Die by Carmen Marcus. I made notes, otherwise I'd forget what I'd read. Literary, visual vignettes from a Saltburn poet. I ate hot dogs for tea. This evening, after Day of the Triffids, after Aladdin, some game shows and Gogglebox. Now it’s The Salt Path Exposed documentary. If only they'd deemed it autofiction. Hope my snottiness goes away soon. OK. 11.33pm.
Friday 2nd January 2026
Another snotty day. Went back out to Gateshead. Tempted to buy new joggers, but didn't. Got lots more supplies for the next couple of days. My nose is really fucking sore. Sick of snotting on. Had Beecham's hot lemon a couple of times. Really tired now. Hope I feel better soon or I’ll have to cancel next week's appointments. Surely I'll be okay by next Friday, my only paid gig of the week. I earn fuck-all these days. Shocking really. OK. 11.16pm.
Saturday 3rd January 2026
Better day. Cough seems to be easing a bit. Me and Jenni watched The Coffee Table this afternoon. A really dark so-called comedy, worth checking out. This evening BBC Newcastle broadcast my chat with Emma Millen for Upload. It was well edited and I came across okay. Game shows and music videos this evening. Lots of food and the heating is on. OK. 10.55pm.
Sunday 4th January 2026
Another snotty day. Went back out to Gateshead. Tempted to buy new joggers, but didn't. Got lots more supplies for the next couple of days. My nose is really fucking sore. Sick of snotting on. Had Beecham's hot lemon a couple of times. Really tired now. Hope I feel better soon or I’ll have to cancel next week's appointments. Surely I'll be okay by next Friday, my only paid gig of the week. I earn fuck-all these days. Shocking really. OK. 11.16pm.
Saturday 3rd January 2026
Better day. Cough seems to be easing a bit. Me and Jenni watched The Coffee Table this afternoon. A really dark so-called comedy, worth checking out. This evening BBC Newcastle broadcast my chat with Emma Millen for Upload. It was well edited and I came across okay. Game shows and music videos this evening. Lots of food and the heating is on. OK. 10.55pm.
Sunday 4th January 2026
Still a bit snotty but heating on in Jen's place all day. I made a big pottage with mushrooms and baked potatoes but Jenni didn't want any. We watched Bowie Final Act. Very good. Very moving. Black Star ending. I read quite a bit of How Saints Die, but I haven't made notes so won't remember much. Sorted my Christmas stuff out back in cellar twelve. Absolutely freezing. OK. 10.17pm.
Monday 5th January 2026
Too fucking cold to function. I've been heating a water bottle every hour to keep my hands warm enough to type. I didn't want to spend a lot of time in town buying supplies, so spent lots of money in the convenience store around the corner instead. My head feels a little bit numb. I want to read but the books are like ice. I won't stay up beyond nine o'clock at my place. I got some of the front room tidied up. Selected a lot of stuff for tomorrow's workshop. I'm not good at present. Struggling to answer emails. I hate having the desktop computer on. I need to be at Waddington Street Centre to edit stuff because it's just too cold at home. I fucking hate winter now. I got out on the bike for an hour and that was okay but the house is total misery. I did physio, but now struggle to hold a pen. Pleased I got shaved earlier. Hope tomorrow is better. OK. 8.28pm.
Tuesday 6th January 2026
Tough day. Tried to pack for the Waddy workshop. Hot and cold flushes, headache. I tried again, but in the end thought it best just to ring in and tell them I’ve still got a head cold or flu. I still had to go out this afternoon for food supplies. And I think there is something wrong with the water tank overflow pipe at the side of the house. One more thing to be anxious about. I was in Lloyds bank about forty minutes waiting to make my National Insurance Contributions payment. I could hardly walk and felt totally drained. When I eventually got home after a bus no show, I had chicken jalfrezi and rice for tea. Then watched Saint Maud. It's a good film about religious obsession and mental illness. Initially I fell asleep and had to put it on a third time after I watched all the extras. A warm evening wrapped up on the couch. I hope the house is okay this winter. 11.14pm.
Wednesday 7th January 2026
Have cancelled the rest of the week. Coughing quite a lot at night, I spent most of the day reading How Saints Die by Carmen Marcus. Chicken dinner with veg at teatime. Out of date Christmas pudding with custard so no need for supper. Watched a Joy Division documentary this evening. Then the Lemmy documentary. Possibly nodded off but stayed warm. Did physio. OK. 11.10pm.
Monday 5th January 2026
Too fucking cold to function. I've been heating a water bottle every hour to keep my hands warm enough to type. I didn't want to spend a lot of time in town buying supplies, so spent lots of money in the convenience store around the corner instead. My head feels a little bit numb. I want to read but the books are like ice. I won't stay up beyond nine o'clock at my place. I got some of the front room tidied up. Selected a lot of stuff for tomorrow's workshop. I'm not good at present. Struggling to answer emails. I hate having the desktop computer on. I need to be at Waddington Street Centre to edit stuff because it's just too cold at home. I fucking hate winter now. I got out on the bike for an hour and that was okay but the house is total misery. I did physio, but now struggle to hold a pen. Pleased I got shaved earlier. Hope tomorrow is better. OK. 8.28pm.
Tuesday 6th January 2026
Tough day. Tried to pack for the Waddy workshop. Hot and cold flushes, headache. I tried again, but in the end thought it best just to ring in and tell them I’ve still got a head cold or flu. I still had to go out this afternoon for food supplies. And I think there is something wrong with the water tank overflow pipe at the side of the house. One more thing to be anxious about. I was in Lloyds bank about forty minutes waiting to make my National Insurance Contributions payment. I could hardly walk and felt totally drained. When I eventually got home after a bus no show, I had chicken jalfrezi and rice for tea. Then watched Saint Maud. It's a good film about religious obsession and mental illness. Initially I fell asleep and had to put it on a third time after I watched all the extras. A warm evening wrapped up on the couch. I hope the house is okay this winter. 11.14pm.
Wednesday 7th January 2026
Have cancelled the rest of the week. Coughing quite a lot at night, I spent most of the day reading How Saints Die by Carmen Marcus. Chicken dinner with veg at teatime. Out of date Christmas pudding with custard so no need for supper. Watched a Joy Division documentary this evening. Then the Lemmy documentary. Possibly nodded off but stayed warm. Did physio. OK. 11.10pm.
Thursday 8th January 2026
I'm looking forward to the end of this week when the temperature is forecast to rise considerably. I will be at Jen's place for a couple of days and will monitor how my feelings change. Mornings are worst. Aches and pains, coughing up phlegm. Fatigue despite eight hours sleep. On the plus side, I was offered a paid workshop in Newcastle, so that's something for late March. I tried to read this afternoon but kept falling asleep. This evening I watched Stephen King’s ‘Salem's Lot’ starring David Soul and James Mason. I've seen it a couple of times before. It's three hours long. Enjoyable lightweight material with the main vampire cast in the Nosferatu image. Hope I get a comfortable sleep. OK. 11.30pm.
Friday 9th January 2026
Another day just stuck in the house. I cleaned the stair carpet and that was enough to wipe me out for the rest of the day. Too tired to read. I slept till teatime. My tuna, beans and baked potato tasted foul and I couldn't finish it. I watched Black Phone on DVD this evening - a canny little horror set in 70s Denver. Ethan Hawke as the grabber who abducts kids from the local estate. Trapped in a basement shit. Great leading roles from the youngsters. Hawke wore a mask for most of the film. Not enough time to watch another full-length feature, I just stuck a Pistols documentary on for an hour. I am looking forward to reading Defying Gravity – Jordan’s story. But at present my physical health is at rock bottom. Hopefully a rise in temperature next week might help me shrug off the lurgy. OK. 11.12pm.
Saturday 10th January 2026
Up around nine. Usually I do morning pages before breakfast, but they've been very difficult this week. I had porridge before writing. I felt okay for a few hours and did a little housework. Took ages to get to Bensham. Had to double back from Consett because I thought I'd left my front door unlocked. Very tearful when I got to Jen's. Just feel totally burnt out. She got me some lentil and bacon soup. We watched some commentary on Psychoville. Then a Ray Bradbury short story adaptation. OK. 10.18pm.
Sunday 11th January 2026
Managed to get into town with Jenni this afternoon for supplies. Bitterly cold. Then it was fun seeing Jenni turn her room upside down in search of a hiking boot. Later, we went to Tyneside Cinema to see the old classic Theatre of Blood starring Vincent Price. Most people there, if not all, knew the film. It was just a treat to see it on the big screen. I felt a bit better today. Hopefully a lot warmer tomorrow. I have to go back to Consett, I think. Not sure. Watched some Masters snooker tonight. OK. 10.27pm.
Monday 12th January 2026
Up quite early with a lot of energy. The temperature considerably higher than yesterday. I got the eleven o’clock bus to Consett, checked payment dates for my earnings, bought chicken and beef steaks and other bits and pieces, then went to Moorside to wait for cousin Gordon the plumber to fit a new valve in the attic water tank. The job took about forty-five minutes and I'm grateful that a 74-year-old man would risk climbing into the attic of a freezing cold house. My coughing intensified greatly back home and I've had to concede that I need some sort of heat in the place or I’ll die an early death. Got the bus back to Bensham. Jenni prepared leek quiche with potato croquettes and Branston beans. We watched the first part of a documentary about Edgar Allan Poe. I still don't know if I'll make it to Waddington Street Centre tomorrow. I'm concerned more about other people's health than mine. OK. 11.23pm.
Tuesday 13th January 2026
Felt a lot better today. Up by eight and showered. Had banana on toast for breakfast then did some morning pages. Got a shave then packed for Waddy. Good to get there without coughing my guts up. The session went well but was basically just a little warm up: first times, origins of writing journeys, etc. it was good to see the Waddy Writers and the staff. Bus back to Gateshead was a bit slow. Tried to read more of Carmen Marcus's novel. Back in Gateshead, the cold air had me coughing my guts up again. This evening we watched the rest of the Edgar Allan Poe documentary and a couple of episodes of Minder. OK. 11.21pm.
Wednesday 14th January 2026
Today was disappointing. I had some laughs with Jenni this morning but found the rest of the day to be draining. I didn't really engage well with the workshop at Waddington Street Centre. Josie and Carmen were lovely, but I found translating random words into collaged postcard designs quite difficult. I've been coughing my guts up again. The cold air in the cold house is to blame. I will probably have to bite the bullet and buy a portable heater. I had a chat with Waddy staff. Basically, I just can't follow anyone's lead. My brain shuts down. I've had over three decades of living alone. And twenty-five years with no boss. And I fucking hate 90% of lifelong chores as well. I can't see me ever going back to a proper job. I watched Stephen King's 'Misery' tonight. Excellent! 11.29pm.
Thursday 15th January 2026
Better day. Huge lie-in till after ten. Wrote some horrible morning pages that I resisted posting online. I might use them in a book at some point. Ate fruit salad porridge for breakfast. Made up a new morning pages book for the second half of this month. After oxtail soup, I read about one hundred pages of How Saints Die. Some lovely poetic vignettes and dramatic narrative. I still have about twenty-five pages to read but needed to take a breather. I listened to the BBC Radio 6 programme ‘David Bowie Forever’ in which Lauren Laverne and Henry Rollins discussed the impact of Bowie’s music on their lives. Some great tracks including Gail Ann Darcy dueting on Under Pressure. Also some Iggy and Lou Reed collaborations, and ending on I Can't Give Everything Away from the Black Star album. I saw Hank do spoken word in Newcastle when Bowie died. He retold the 2007 Bowie lunch story on the radio. OK. 11.45pm.
Friday 16th January 2026
A lot of prose poetry seeped out of my pen this morning. I tidied up the best bits and posted them online this afternoon. Slow burn. The stuff of mine I like the most is the confessional stuff, not the throw away cartoonish verse that makes people laugh. Tonight I played back Bristol Flash Fiction Festival’s epic three-hour Kathy Fish workshop from last July. So chuffed with the feedback she gave me. I've made more notes and printed out the key texts from the session and will do a version of it next week at Waddington Street Centre. I mean, why not, it cost me fifty quid, plus travel and accommodation. I've held up quite well today. About fourteen hours. OK. 11.30pm.
Saturday 17th January 2026
Good to get some notebooks up to date and a load of workshop material ready for next week. Good shave with my last blade. Then a walk into town. Me and Jenni watched Judd trump and John Higgins in a Masters snooker semi-final. Then Kyren Wilson against Wu Yize in the other semi. Wilson took it without Wu even getting a single point in the final frame. OK. 11.20pm.
Sunday 18th January 2026
I'm looking forward to the end of this week when the temperature is forecast to rise considerably. I will be at Jen's place for a couple of days and will monitor how my feelings change. Mornings are worst. Aches and pains, coughing up phlegm. Fatigue despite eight hours sleep. On the plus side, I was offered a paid workshop in Newcastle, so that's something for late March. I tried to read this afternoon but kept falling asleep. This evening I watched Stephen King’s ‘Salem's Lot’ starring David Soul and James Mason. I've seen it a couple of times before. It's three hours long. Enjoyable lightweight material with the main vampire cast in the Nosferatu image. Hope I get a comfortable sleep. OK. 11.30pm.
Friday 9th January 2026
Another day just stuck in the house. I cleaned the stair carpet and that was enough to wipe me out for the rest of the day. Too tired to read. I slept till teatime. My tuna, beans and baked potato tasted foul and I couldn't finish it. I watched Black Phone on DVD this evening - a canny little horror set in 70s Denver. Ethan Hawke as the grabber who abducts kids from the local estate. Trapped in a basement shit. Great leading roles from the youngsters. Hawke wore a mask for most of the film. Not enough time to watch another full-length feature, I just stuck a Pistols documentary on for an hour. I am looking forward to reading Defying Gravity – Jordan’s story. But at present my physical health is at rock bottom. Hopefully a rise in temperature next week might help me shrug off the lurgy. OK. 11.12pm.
Saturday 10th January 2026
Up around nine. Usually I do morning pages before breakfast, but they've been very difficult this week. I had porridge before writing. I felt okay for a few hours and did a little housework. Took ages to get to Bensham. Had to double back from Consett because I thought I'd left my front door unlocked. Very tearful when I got to Jen's. Just feel totally burnt out. She got me some lentil and bacon soup. We watched some commentary on Psychoville. Then a Ray Bradbury short story adaptation. OK. 10.18pm.
Sunday 11th January 2026
Managed to get into town with Jenni this afternoon for supplies. Bitterly cold. Then it was fun seeing Jenni turn her room upside down in search of a hiking boot. Later, we went to Tyneside Cinema to see the old classic Theatre of Blood starring Vincent Price. Most people there, if not all, knew the film. It was just a treat to see it on the big screen. I felt a bit better today. Hopefully a lot warmer tomorrow. I have to go back to Consett, I think. Not sure. Watched some Masters snooker tonight. OK. 10.27pm.
Monday 12th January 2026
Up quite early with a lot of energy. The temperature considerably higher than yesterday. I got the eleven o’clock bus to Consett, checked payment dates for my earnings, bought chicken and beef steaks and other bits and pieces, then went to Moorside to wait for cousin Gordon the plumber to fit a new valve in the attic water tank. The job took about forty-five minutes and I'm grateful that a 74-year-old man would risk climbing into the attic of a freezing cold house. My coughing intensified greatly back home and I've had to concede that I need some sort of heat in the place or I’ll die an early death. Got the bus back to Bensham. Jenni prepared leek quiche with potato croquettes and Branston beans. We watched the first part of a documentary about Edgar Allan Poe. I still don't know if I'll make it to Waddington Street Centre tomorrow. I'm concerned more about other people's health than mine. OK. 11.23pm.
Tuesday 13th January 2026
Felt a lot better today. Up by eight and showered. Had banana on toast for breakfast then did some morning pages. Got a shave then packed for Waddy. Good to get there without coughing my guts up. The session went well but was basically just a little warm up: first times, origins of writing journeys, etc. it was good to see the Waddy Writers and the staff. Bus back to Gateshead was a bit slow. Tried to read more of Carmen Marcus's novel. Back in Gateshead, the cold air had me coughing my guts up again. This evening we watched the rest of the Edgar Allan Poe documentary and a couple of episodes of Minder. OK. 11.21pm.
Wednesday 14th January 2026
Today was disappointing. I had some laughs with Jenni this morning but found the rest of the day to be draining. I didn't really engage well with the workshop at Waddington Street Centre. Josie and Carmen were lovely, but I found translating random words into collaged postcard designs quite difficult. I've been coughing my guts up again. The cold air in the cold house is to blame. I will probably have to bite the bullet and buy a portable heater. I had a chat with Waddy staff. Basically, I just can't follow anyone's lead. My brain shuts down. I've had over three decades of living alone. And twenty-five years with no boss. And I fucking hate 90% of lifelong chores as well. I can't see me ever going back to a proper job. I watched Stephen King's 'Misery' tonight. Excellent! 11.29pm.
Thursday 15th January 2026
Better day. Huge lie-in till after ten. Wrote some horrible morning pages that I resisted posting online. I might use them in a book at some point. Ate fruit salad porridge for breakfast. Made up a new morning pages book for the second half of this month. After oxtail soup, I read about one hundred pages of How Saints Die. Some lovely poetic vignettes and dramatic narrative. I still have about twenty-five pages to read but needed to take a breather. I listened to the BBC Radio 6 programme ‘David Bowie Forever’ in which Lauren Laverne and Henry Rollins discussed the impact of Bowie’s music on their lives. Some great tracks including Gail Ann Darcy dueting on Under Pressure. Also some Iggy and Lou Reed collaborations, and ending on I Can't Give Everything Away from the Black Star album. I saw Hank do spoken word in Newcastle when Bowie died. He retold the 2007 Bowie lunch story on the radio. OK. 11.45pm.
Friday 16th January 2026
A lot of prose poetry seeped out of my pen this morning. I tidied up the best bits and posted them online this afternoon. Slow burn. The stuff of mine I like the most is the confessional stuff, not the throw away cartoonish verse that makes people laugh. Tonight I played back Bristol Flash Fiction Festival’s epic three-hour Kathy Fish workshop from last July. So chuffed with the feedback she gave me. I've made more notes and printed out the key texts from the session and will do a version of it next week at Waddington Street Centre. I mean, why not, it cost me fifty quid, plus travel and accommodation. I've held up quite well today. About fourteen hours. OK. 11.30pm.
Saturday 17th January 2026
Good to get some notebooks up to date and a load of workshop material ready for next week. Good shave with my last blade. Then a walk into town. Me and Jenni watched Judd trump and John Higgins in a Masters snooker semi-final. Then Kyren Wilson against Wu Yize in the other semi. Wilson took it without Wu even getting a single point in the final frame. OK. 11.20pm.
Sunday 18th January 2026
Big lie-in till ten o'clock. Morning pages. Banana on toast. Then a walk into Gateshead for supplies. Much of today spent watching the Masters snooker final on television live from Ally Pally. John Higgins struggled to keep up with Kyren Wilson and lost out by a few frames. Jenny is watching Schindler's List. A good reminder of what utter cunts the Nazis were. And all those who think like them today. 10.54pm.
Monday 19th January 2026
Another big lie-in because me and Jenni stayed up till quarter to two watching the truly chilling Schindler's List. I've seen it a few times now and it seems more hard-hitting in light of recent world events. But you still probably couldn't convince me to fire a gun at a foreigner coz some politician told me to. I'm more likely to shoot the person forcing me to pick up the gun. I've always hated war mentality. But then again, humans are pathetically overrated as a species anyway; you’d think people would have grown out of international conflict by now. Fuck WWIII. And all those salivating at the thought of it. Me and Jenni watched Little House on the Prairie and The Waltons. I slept on the bus back to Consett. Chicken Jalfrezi and rice for tea. This evening I did final prep for tomorrow's workshop then read a little bit of ‘Defying Gravity’ - Jordan Mooney's story co-authored by Cathi Unsworth. Bed early. OK. 10.25pm.
Tuesday 20th January 2026
The workshop was okay but only two writers in. I used some KM Elkes flash fiction and four exercises from the Kathy Fish workshop from last July’s Bristol Flash Fiction Festival. Breathless paragraphs, anaphora - a lot of it is like poetry to me. Some days I get tired of trying to tease a good poem or vignette from my brain. Most of my best pieces are flukes. I never know what I'm going to end up with, and can't replicate the process to get another good result. I might get one good piece from an exercise, then with each subsequent attempt the result seems diluted, contrived, and utterly disposable. Most days I feel like a fraud. A lot of days this year I've wanted to jack it all in but I've got nothing to fall back on. I mainly use writing as catharsis and often can't be arsed to go beyond my (dis) comfort zone. 10.46pm.
Wednesday 21st January 2026
Another long day of feeling useless. Another reminder that I know fuck all about fiction. Too self-absorbed. Too lacking in interest in others. Not enough empathy. I came away from Carmen’s workshop feeling totally impotent as a writer. It made me want to jack in writing altogether. I am a one-trick pony who thought the grass was greener on the other side, and it isn’t. I don’t know why I keep trying to be other than what I am. Currently, I just spew whatever comes naturally and pick the bones out of it. Teacher? Facilitator? Talk about shooting yourself in the foot. Talk about professional suicide. If I stop writing, I’m just a spent old man staring into the abyss. Today made me want to stop writing, stop facilitating and stop hosting Poetry Jam. Carmen was great. I am not. 11.20pm.
Thursday 22nd January 2026
Good to get Poetry Jam publicity out today. I wrote a letter to Waddy coz I was asked how yesterday went for me. The letter was cathartic. But might set off alarm bells about my state of mind. Tonight I listened to Suede’s ‘Antidepressants’ album and a bit of ‘Autofiction’. I read a bunch of Damian Dressick’s short stories from ‘Fables of the Deconstruction’ – which he signed for me after his workshop in Bristol last year. I’ve eaten steamed potatoes, carrots and broccoli, with mushrooms and a beef medallion steak. Shaved. Knocked off at the desktop computer by quarter to ten. I need to be up very early to get out for the Washington workshop. I hope it goes well. Basically a repeat of exercises I did on Tuesday. I remembered to do physio tonight. OK. 9.53pm.
Friday 23rd January 2026
Today was better. Session at Washington went well. And why shouldn’t it? All the exercises were shown to me at Bristol Flash Fiction Festival last summer. Big thanks to the writers for engaging. Big thanks to Alwyn Bathan for the lift to Metro Centre. I didn’t want to go home because I didn’t trust buses to get me back out again tonight, so I just hung around in The Works and HMV then went to Consett for steak pie and chips, which I ate in a cold doorway as the rain came slanting down. Then I sat in Wetherspoons, going over material for tonight’s open mic. For Better or Verse was great. First time I’ve seen the brilliant Cat Bell perform. Open mic was good. Aaron Wright had all his props and anarchy poetry to close the night after kindly talking me through formatting for print-on-demand paperbacks. Thanks Mel and Steve Wood. OK. 11.25pm.
Saturday 24th January 2026
Took till midday to sort the bag-pack for a weekend in Gateshead. Left Consett at quarter past three. Slept quite a while on the bus. Me and Jenni watched the new Nuremberg film. Good riddance fucking Nazi scum. I’m a bit tired. Raging tinnitus. But I’m warm in the attic at the big house and Jenni is lovely company. OK. 11.26pm.
Sunday 25th January 2026
Guess who’s fifty-six. Jenni bought me a new mobile device, Rob Auton tickets, a calendar, a Withnail & I script book, and a Wednesday Adams keyring. Jenni made a lush curry for dinner. We watched an ace Sean Hughes tribute gig online, in which his celeb mates read his poems and prose to a pub basement audience. Jen’s mam and John got me stationery, chocolates and nuts. Mam and Ernie sent a lovely card and cheque. Thanks to all my Facebook friends who got in touch with well wishes. Me and Jenni watched a music documentary on 70s rockers Argent (Kiss covered their God Gave Rock and Roll to You). OK. 10.17pm.
Monday 26th January 2026
Monday 19th January 2026
Another big lie-in because me and Jenni stayed up till quarter to two watching the truly chilling Schindler's List. I've seen it a few times now and it seems more hard-hitting in light of recent world events. But you still probably couldn't convince me to fire a gun at a foreigner coz some politician told me to. I'm more likely to shoot the person forcing me to pick up the gun. I've always hated war mentality. But then again, humans are pathetically overrated as a species anyway; you’d think people would have grown out of international conflict by now. Fuck WWIII. And all those salivating at the thought of it. Me and Jenni watched Little House on the Prairie and The Waltons. I slept on the bus back to Consett. Chicken Jalfrezi and rice for tea. This evening I did final prep for tomorrow's workshop then read a little bit of ‘Defying Gravity’ - Jordan Mooney's story co-authored by Cathi Unsworth. Bed early. OK. 10.25pm.
Tuesday 20th January 2026
The workshop was okay but only two writers in. I used some KM Elkes flash fiction and four exercises from the Kathy Fish workshop from last July’s Bristol Flash Fiction Festival. Breathless paragraphs, anaphora - a lot of it is like poetry to me. Some days I get tired of trying to tease a good poem or vignette from my brain. Most of my best pieces are flukes. I never know what I'm going to end up with, and can't replicate the process to get another good result. I might get one good piece from an exercise, then with each subsequent attempt the result seems diluted, contrived, and utterly disposable. Most days I feel like a fraud. A lot of days this year I've wanted to jack it all in but I've got nothing to fall back on. I mainly use writing as catharsis and often can't be arsed to go beyond my (dis) comfort zone. 10.46pm.
Wednesday 21st January 2026
Another long day of feeling useless. Another reminder that I know fuck all about fiction. Too self-absorbed. Too lacking in interest in others. Not enough empathy. I came away from Carmen’s workshop feeling totally impotent as a writer. It made me want to jack in writing altogether. I am a one-trick pony who thought the grass was greener on the other side, and it isn’t. I don’t know why I keep trying to be other than what I am. Currently, I just spew whatever comes naturally and pick the bones out of it. Teacher? Facilitator? Talk about shooting yourself in the foot. Talk about professional suicide. If I stop writing, I’m just a spent old man staring into the abyss. Today made me want to stop writing, stop facilitating and stop hosting Poetry Jam. Carmen was great. I am not. 11.20pm.
Thursday 22nd January 2026
Good to get Poetry Jam publicity out today. I wrote a letter to Waddy coz I was asked how yesterday went for me. The letter was cathartic. But might set off alarm bells about my state of mind. Tonight I listened to Suede’s ‘Antidepressants’ album and a bit of ‘Autofiction’. I read a bunch of Damian Dressick’s short stories from ‘Fables of the Deconstruction’ – which he signed for me after his workshop in Bristol last year. I’ve eaten steamed potatoes, carrots and broccoli, with mushrooms and a beef medallion steak. Shaved. Knocked off at the desktop computer by quarter to ten. I need to be up very early to get out for the Washington workshop. I hope it goes well. Basically a repeat of exercises I did on Tuesday. I remembered to do physio tonight. OK. 9.53pm.
Friday 23rd January 2026
Today was better. Session at Washington went well. And why shouldn’t it? All the exercises were shown to me at Bristol Flash Fiction Festival last summer. Big thanks to the writers for engaging. Big thanks to Alwyn Bathan for the lift to Metro Centre. I didn’t want to go home because I didn’t trust buses to get me back out again tonight, so I just hung around in The Works and HMV then went to Consett for steak pie and chips, which I ate in a cold doorway as the rain came slanting down. Then I sat in Wetherspoons, going over material for tonight’s open mic. For Better or Verse was great. First time I’ve seen the brilliant Cat Bell perform. Open mic was good. Aaron Wright had all his props and anarchy poetry to close the night after kindly talking me through formatting for print-on-demand paperbacks. Thanks Mel and Steve Wood. OK. 11.25pm.
Saturday 24th January 2026
Took till midday to sort the bag-pack for a weekend in Gateshead. Left Consett at quarter past three. Slept quite a while on the bus. Me and Jenni watched the new Nuremberg film. Good riddance fucking Nazi scum. I’m a bit tired. Raging tinnitus. But I’m warm in the attic at the big house and Jenni is lovely company. OK. 11.26pm.
Sunday 25th January 2026
Guess who’s fifty-six. Jenni bought me a new mobile device, Rob Auton tickets, a calendar, a Withnail & I script book, and a Wednesday Adams keyring. Jenni made a lush curry for dinner. We watched an ace Sean Hughes tribute gig online, in which his celeb mates read his poems and prose to a pub basement audience. Jen’s mam and John got me stationery, chocolates and nuts. Mam and Ernie sent a lovely card and cheque. Thanks to all my Facebook friends who got in touch with well wishes. Me and Jenni watched a music documentary on 70s rockers Argent (Kiss covered their God Gave Rock and Roll to You). OK. 10.17pm.
Monday 26th January 2026
Just got sick of all the bastard clutter so piles of workshop handouts from last year are now in the wheelie bin. I’ll get rid of more later in the week. If it’s not in a notebook or a folder, it’s going in the bin! I have about twenty years of clutter to get rid of. The desktop computer’s Outlook email system won’t fucking open. But at least I got train tickets to York and back booked for next month and can access via the new mobile device that Jenni bought and set up for me. Tonight I keyed in some Waddy writers’ poems. Enough stuff for a 40-page pamphlet anthology. OK. 11.30pm.
Tuesday 27th January 2026
Ratty mood this morning and the weather didn’t help. Pools of water on the bus to Durham. I read through a bunch of 2019 writing marathon pieces and liked a lot of them. There may be potential for a series of vignettes in the September Scrapbook format. Had a chat with Waddy staff about mental health and creativity, then photocopied pages of poems for a potential new anthology. Workshop after dinner went quite well. We had a new participant, so I did a standard taster session. This evening me and Jenni saw Bill Bailey in conversation with Dave Johns for Desert Island Flicks. Quite a few bizarre choices from Bill that we’d like to check out. Walked back from Tyneside Cinema to get supplies in Gateshead Tesco. Banana on peshwari for supper. Then watched brilliant North-East comedian Louise Young totally storming it on Live at the Apollo. OK. 11.01pm.
Wednesday 28th January 2026
Good day. Up early at Jen’s place. Did my pages and checked the buses. Set off just before ten from Bensham then got X21 to Durham. Keyed in some flash fiction stuff from marathon books and chatted with a volunteer facilitator about music. He is going to see Suede in Newcastle. I’m going to see them the week before in York (fingers crossed with Pro earplugs). Carmen and Josie’s workshop was good. An advanced version of an I Am poem. Discussions about process and graphics, and help to come up with a visual presentation of my latest words. Tonight I had a chicken dinner then fell asleep. I read some Kathy Fish flash fiction then watched a video of her doing a mini workshop. (I remember/I don’t remember/tomorrow... with random feed-in words and phrases). Kathy read a great story about a grocery store hold-up. I did my physio and will be in bed around midnight. 11.51pm.
Thursday 29th January 2026
Tuesday 27th January 2026
Ratty mood this morning and the weather didn’t help. Pools of water on the bus to Durham. I read through a bunch of 2019 writing marathon pieces and liked a lot of them. There may be potential for a series of vignettes in the September Scrapbook format. Had a chat with Waddy staff about mental health and creativity, then photocopied pages of poems for a potential new anthology. Workshop after dinner went quite well. We had a new participant, so I did a standard taster session. This evening me and Jenni saw Bill Bailey in conversation with Dave Johns for Desert Island Flicks. Quite a few bizarre choices from Bill that we’d like to check out. Walked back from Tyneside Cinema to get supplies in Gateshead Tesco. Banana on peshwari for supper. Then watched brilliant North-East comedian Louise Young totally storming it on Live at the Apollo. OK. 11.01pm.
Wednesday 28th January 2026
Good day. Up early at Jen’s place. Did my pages and checked the buses. Set off just before ten from Bensham then got X21 to Durham. Keyed in some flash fiction stuff from marathon books and chatted with a volunteer facilitator about music. He is going to see Suede in Newcastle. I’m going to see them the week before in York (fingers crossed with Pro earplugs). Carmen and Josie’s workshop was good. An advanced version of an I Am poem. Discussions about process and graphics, and help to come up with a visual presentation of my latest words. Tonight I had a chicken dinner then fell asleep. I read some Kathy Fish flash fiction then watched a video of her doing a mini workshop. (I remember/I don’t remember/tomorrow... with random feed-in words and phrases). Kathy read a great story about a grocery store hold-up. I did my physio and will be in bed around midnight. 11.51pm.
Thursday 29th January 2026
Pleased to be able to edit a load of prose on the new mobile device via Word. It’s much better in winter to be able to use a handheld device rather than be tied to the desktop computer. One degree here in Moorside. I should have bought the heater, but I’ve felt okay for a week now, as far as temperature goes. This morning I did a stocktake of the 2023 pamphlets. I’m mostly down to ones and twos and need to replenish. I tried watching some DVDs this evening but the player wouldn’t read anything properly. My ears are ringing. I haven’t bought proper concert plugs yet. I keep feeling anxious about everything. I’m fearful of how things might be next year. I feel useless a lot of the time. 10.39pm.
Friday 30th January 2026
Winter is making work really difficult. I don’t seem to be making much progress. The house is a mess, I’m tired all the time, and feel a bit lost. Today I was out at the funeral of an ex-neighbour from Bridgehill. George Devanney was a good man and loved by many. I spoke briefly to Peter and Joan after the service but didn’t stay long. Tonight, after failing to purchase good ear plugs, I mostly scrolled social media, watched bike videos and live Suede tracks. I’m hoping to see Suede in York next weekend. This winter is really messing me up. Low motivation. Must try harder tomorrow. 10.55pm.
Saturday 31st January 2026
Okay, last one, then we can say Good Riddance to this awful month.
I tried to keep a little fictional thread running yesterday morning, but it just reads at best like autobiography displaced to third person, and at worst like very loose jottings towards a narrative that doesn’t really go anywhere. Three pages could be summed up by saying: the character reluctantly goes out in the rain to catch a bus, thumbs a free newspaper onboard, anxiously needs the toilet, and goes to Wetherspoons before posting an important document. Three pages. That’s literally all that happens.
When I try to write long form, it comes out like I’m trying to emulate Samuel Beckett’s novel style – even though I don’t read Samuel Beckett these days because I don’t have to - having seen three generations of Urwin living like Beckett characters out of necessity, not artistic choice.
I might try reading Franz Kafka and Paul Auster again. But in terms of my own writing, it’s probably best to just stick with the mini vignettes, free verse and journal entries.
I tried to get concert-quality earplugs at Boots in Eldon Square yesterday, but was told they only sell them online. A guy in HMV said Loop are the best brand. They cut out seventeen decibels of noise. Hopefully enough to allow me to enjoy the Suede gig in York next Saturday without further damage. I’ll order some when I put the desktop computer on this afternoon.
Tomorrow afternoon, I aim to be at the Together Lounge in Consett for Lorraine Weightman’s book launch. Her debut novel is called Good Company. The event starts at 2.00pm.
I don’t know if I’m going to Jen’s. I still have a Washington workshop to prep for next Friday, but could possibly sort it on Thursday. I need to tweak my set-lists for next month’s library readings in Bowburn and Consett.
I’ve struggled to do much this last couple of weeks. I just seem to be looking forward to better days. I didn’t do physio last night, so I should get it out of the way this morning.
I need to recharge batteries for the pocket camcorder. Jenni says the new mobile has an ace camera on it - but I don’t want to use it for Poetry Jam. I like my old Kodak grainy archive-looking stills from video. But they take ages to edit and upload.
I keep having moments when I can’t be bothered to attempt anything. My personal motivation is at an all-time low.
I think I’ve got too much backlog. I should just work through my notebooks and publish the best of what I’ve produced in the last fifteen to twenty years.
I’ve already had banana on toast for breakfast, so now I suppose I should just crack on. 9.27am.
Friday 30th January 2026
Winter is making work really difficult. I don’t seem to be making much progress. The house is a mess, I’m tired all the time, and feel a bit lost. Today I was out at the funeral of an ex-neighbour from Bridgehill. George Devanney was a good man and loved by many. I spoke briefly to Peter and Joan after the service but didn’t stay long. Tonight, after failing to purchase good ear plugs, I mostly scrolled social media, watched bike videos and live Suede tracks. I’m hoping to see Suede in York next weekend. This winter is really messing me up. Low motivation. Must try harder tomorrow. 10.55pm.
Saturday 31st January 2026
Okay, last one, then we can say Good Riddance to this awful month.
I tried to keep a little fictional thread running yesterday morning, but it just reads at best like autobiography displaced to third person, and at worst like very loose jottings towards a narrative that doesn’t really go anywhere. Three pages could be summed up by saying: the character reluctantly goes out in the rain to catch a bus, thumbs a free newspaper onboard, anxiously needs the toilet, and goes to Wetherspoons before posting an important document. Three pages. That’s literally all that happens.
When I try to write long form, it comes out like I’m trying to emulate Samuel Beckett’s novel style – even though I don’t read Samuel Beckett these days because I don’t have to - having seen three generations of Urwin living like Beckett characters out of necessity, not artistic choice.
I might try reading Franz Kafka and Paul Auster again. But in terms of my own writing, it’s probably best to just stick with the mini vignettes, free verse and journal entries.
I tried to get concert-quality earplugs at Boots in Eldon Square yesterday, but was told they only sell them online. A guy in HMV said Loop are the best brand. They cut out seventeen decibels of noise. Hopefully enough to allow me to enjoy the Suede gig in York next Saturday without further damage. I’ll order some when I put the desktop computer on this afternoon.
Tomorrow afternoon, I aim to be at the Together Lounge in Consett for Lorraine Weightman’s book launch. Her debut novel is called Good Company. The event starts at 2.00pm.
I don’t know if I’m going to Jen’s. I still have a Washington workshop to prep for next Friday, but could possibly sort it on Thursday. I need to tweak my set-lists for next month’s library readings in Bowburn and Consett.
I’ve struggled to do much this last couple of weeks. I just seem to be looking forward to better days. I didn’t do physio last night, so I should get it out of the way this morning.
I need to recharge batteries for the pocket camcorder. Jenni says the new mobile has an ace camera on it - but I don’t want to use it for Poetry Jam. I like my old Kodak grainy archive-looking stills from video. But they take ages to edit and upload.
I keep having moments when I can’t be bothered to attempt anything. My personal motivation is at an all-time low.
I think I’ve got too much backlog. I should just work through my notebooks and publish the best of what I’ve produced in the last fifteen to twenty years.
I’ve already had banana on toast for breakfast, so now I suppose I should just crack on. 9.27am.
