Bikes, Books, Bad Attitude

Sunday 12th May 2013

Besides a bit of time looking at rigid mountain bike forks to replace annoying suspension, the day has been taken with work preparation for the coming week. A cold day, my hands numb and joints aching. Tempted to put the heating on but it’s almost mid-May. Jenni phoned earlier: some automotive problems after a workshop in Barnard Castle means she won’t be here till almost midnight. 10.38pm.

Wrote a memoir in present tense about Whitby for my participation in Bishop Auckland workshop. Copied up last session notes. Read two Mike McCormack stories. 10.40pm.

Monday 13th May 2013

Dreamt I was looking for a metal band in a large workshop. Then loads of corridors, opening doors and coming to dead ends.

A day off. Had a lazy morning, then after fish and chips went out on bikes. Needed to get some air in my XC forks at the shop on Medomsley Road then rode the cycle path over the Hownsgill Viaduct. Very windy. Spots of rain but not bad. Stayed out about three hours. Jenni’s first time on a bike for about a year.

Had Cowboy Hash for tea when we got back. Both of us very sleepy. The tv ha been on all evening. I don’t understand the appeal of soap operas. Watched a new crime drama set in Belfast called The Fall starring Gillian Anderson. Buzzcocks is on now. Don’t know the guests – modern pop music totally lost on me now. Left hand is easing up. Hope to get my book sorted this week. 10.12pm.

Tuesday 14th May 2013

Rarrgghhh! The paper for the Sunshine dust jacket arrived today. Got it sent to Waddy so I wouldn’t miss delivery. It’s awesome stock and I’m looking forward to seeing the book – hopefully quite soon. Jenni helped me out this morning by proofing the text. Only a couple of misspelt words and some minor punctuation issues. Once I get a quote or dedication page sorted it’s just a case of getting the dust jacket laid out and all the stock over to the print shop.

Session at Waddy went well this afternoon. Nine people in. Really pleased with the numbers this term. My hands still a little sore from riding my street bike on Saturday. That’ll teach me not to forget my gel gloves and wrist supports. I’ll be okay in a couple of days.

I found an ‘I Am’ poem about Jenni that must have been written in a Waddy session. I think she liked it. Listened to The Smiths and Tori Amos this evening. Copied up an essay, ate an all-day breakfast, rice pudding, fruit cake, fried bread… 10.26pm.

Wednesday 15th May 2013

Got some good dreams down in the morning pages then packed up for Intermediate Writing. Absolutely foul weather. Pissing rain. Only three people turned in, which was a bit annoying after all the planning. Ran the session as planned anyway. Had soup and an orange then off to Bishop Auckland. Enjoyed participating in the Back to Basics course, but am still at war with myself over fiction writing; just don’t think anything but poems and short vignettes will ever come from my imagination, the rest just diary. If I was going to write a proper novel, I’d have done it long before now. I tell others to write every day; I just want a break from it all. Bed soon. OK. 10.14pm.

Thursday 16th May 2013

Photocopiers fucking hate me! They must do, surely! Light and dark button; touch sensitive? I’m banging the bastard with my thumb and the little indicator won’t budge to the right. I ask a member of staff. “Just tap it.” And sure enough, it moves. Seconds later, I need to alter it slightly; the whole fucking display goes off! Photocopiers fucking hate me. I decided to give up coz the Waddy copier was leaving streaks on my stuff and the office was busy and I didn’t want pages going astray. No worries; do it in Consett library on their state-of-the-art machine. What happens? Light/dark button: “Oh, it’s awkward; you have to have the knack.” You certainly do. Coz no matter how I try – thumb, index finger, light tap, firm press – it doesn’t fucking work. Photocopiers fucking hate me; they must do, surely. Photocopiers fucking hate me! 7.40pm.

Friday 17th May 2013

Didn’t go to sleep till after one this morning. Up again at seven. So much for the day off. Over to the Post Office Depot to pick up the new Rollins book. Don’t know when I’ll have a chance to read it. Rang print shop this afternoon. Book can’t be done till after bank holiday. Won’t be ready before June now. This is ridiculous! This project has taken about nine months so far. The next one will hopefully be a lot quicker. Got half of the dust jacket laid out today. Still need a quote for the front of the book, but hopefully I should be ready to go by next weekend. I always get very annoyed when I have to drop tools to leave the house. Me and Jenni are going to Hot Words at the Chilli spoken word night. I haven’t brought any poems for open mic. I’m performing tomorrow. 6.07pm.

Great night at the Chillingham. Good to be at a spoken word night without having to perform. Enjoyed sets by Catherine Graham, dan. d. lion, Simon James, Katie Yossarian Plus surprise open mic guest Kevin Cadwallender. Jenni’s coyote poem went down well. Aidan was on top form tonight. I’m on the last bus. Got the Metro to Gateshead and walked down to Bensham with Jenni. I’ll be staying at her place tomorrow. Bus is late. Getting really damp out. Not looking forward to the walk from Consett to Moorside. But no way am I getting a taxi. 11.37pm.

…And we ran like the clappers

With that crazy bastard chasing us

Through the fields, wielding his shovel

Screaming, Wait till I get hold of you;

I’ll cut your fucking heads off!”

Saturday 18th May 2013

Sick of everything. Pissed off with the weather, the fucking bus service, having to fuck on being out the house when I’ve got shitloads of work to do. The book keeps dragging on. Was just getting into my stride when I had to knock of to get out for the bus. I’m on the X70 to Gateshead, dropping off some food at Jenni’s and getting changed before we head over to Newcastle for the Late Shows. Never attended these annual events before. Don’t really like gigging on a Saturday to be honest.

It’s really foggy now. I haven’t ridden my bike over to Jen’s since 2011. And the way things are going I’m not going to get far this year either. Really fucking tired. Last thing I want to be doing is trying to perform poetry close on midnight. Might feel different later on but right now I feel ready to shut down for the night.

How the fuck am I supposed to be a poet? Emotion recollected in tranquillity? All I want to do is smash things. Sick of being roadblocked. Fuck this shit! 6.02pm.

Sunday 19th May 2013

Some great performances at the poetry/music gig in Bar Loco last night, but I was too tired to really get into it. Pleased to have a day off. Walked down to Halfords at Team Valley Retail World. Jenni fell in love with a purple 24-speed Pendleton hybrid bike. We looked around Hobbycraft and Sports Direct. Eventually got back to Bensham and had beef curry. I read two Mike McCormack stories on the bus to Consett then walked to Moorside. 10.26pm.