But What If Life Ran Smoothly; Then Where Would We Be?

Sunday 5th May 2013

Computer still a pain this morning. Spent most of the day repositioning pages of my book. It’s become a bit of a nightmare.

Some young lad asked if I wanted my lawns mowed. It would have taken me a couple of hours with a hover mower so for twelve quid and no RSI in my hands I thought that was okay.

Feel as though I stuffed myself today but still didn’t exceed two and a half thousand calories. 10.55pm.

Monday 6th May 2013

Up early to do morning pages and get an hour making up a book. Looks pretty good when glued and bound. Was stupid trying to make it last night: grey pencil guidelines on brown board in pissy artificial yellow light. Put in a few hours this afternoon to get session plans sorted then after tea went out on my street bike. It’s okay to rip about on but no good for the sort of manoeuvres I wanted it for without some serious modification. Rode for about ninety minutes then had a bath. Think I’ll try to catch the end of the World Snooker Championships if not already finished. Time for some food. Rarrgghhh!! 9.50pm.

Tuesday 7th May 2013

Cunt of a driver: I have a ticket, purchased on my previous journey; I offer him my wallet with the day-saver visible in the view panel.

   “Can you take the ticket out, please?”

   You awkward bastard, I thought to myself, I offered you close inspection and you still have to go the extra inch to exert your false authority; it’s a fucking bus ride, not entry into a foreign country!

   Nothing like some jobsworth to rub you up the wrong way on your sunny day.

The bus is pretty full. All my clobber takes up two seats. Enough workshop stuff in my black bag to snap the strap surely. Two day’s worth coz I’m staying out overnight. I have a bag of food and my new measuring jug. Only started eating pasta coz Jenni bought some when she was staying at mine a couple of months ago. Really cheap, easy to do and more filling than soup. Gonna have chicken and mushroom this lunchtime at Waddy.

Lots of people out and about. Wall to wall sunshine has that effect.

Was really surprised by the temperature last night. Riding in just a thin top and joggers. Took my helmet off. Was trying to do wheelies and rollbacks on the street bike but current geometry and handling is awful. I wrote to American Giant-sponsored trials/freeride mountain biker Jeff Lenosky last night asking how he’s set up his STP for street. Needs shorter forks, new grabby front brake. And a rim brake on the back. I basically want a 26inch freestyle BMX with two chain rings up front, easy to manage gears and a seatpost long enough for commuter riding.

Sick of writing already today. I don’t know how novelists cope. I think ninety minutes of sustained freewriting a day is enough, then typesetting and editing. I like that part. But wouldn’t like to have to be at it, thinking shit up all day every day. An hour of sustained freewriting this morning took about twelve minutes to read back. Writing morning pages takes 25 minutes. I used to do six sides of A5 journal a day. Might go back to that soon. I want to do another writing-on-the-move journal book. Pick a 120-page cartridge paper plain hardback, go out at nine in the morning and stay out until I’ve filled it. Last time took twelve hours. I was moving around town a lot: library, café, Empire Theatre bar, street bench… Ended up in Wetherspoons eating an evening meal. It was a good day. January 2011. Haven’t edited it yet. Haven’t read it all. 11.42am.

Dull Evening (workshop fragment)

“Cabbage and gravy for the third night this week. I don’t know how you can stand it. There’s your niece off to the bingo, your next door neighbour jetting off to Paris and you’re sat stewing in front of the bloody cricket. Is there any sport so sodding dull? Look, even the spectator area is half empty! Do they need all those fielders. I thought it couldn’t get any worse than golf but this takes the biscuit. You’ve been wearing beige since your birthday. The most animated you’ve been all day is cutting your toenails and laughing at the bits of human shrapnel bouncing off the sideboard. How the hell did Dave and Trevor put up with being stuck in an office with you for the last twenty years? God, Dad, have you looked at yourself lately. Don’t you have any pride? I used to think Mam was exaggerating. She probably died of boredom! Your apathy. Your emotional neglect…Are you in there?…Hello!… Jesus, what’s the point, I’m off for another walk to the canning factory and back. Don’t strain yourself going to the toilet. ’Struth”

Wednesday 8th May 2013

Stayed at Jen’s last night after nice little workshop at the Butterfly Cabinet. Bus from Gateshead to Durham about fifty minutes. Plenty of time to recap my session for Waddy. Went really well. Didn’t use all the planned stuff which is great coz it’s less to prep for next week. Bishop Auckland session I attended was mainly theory – description, setting. Next week is memoir. Messed around looking at bike geometry on intyweb tonight. Was good to have time off. I think three days of workshops back to back is a bit much at present. A few years ago I used to do four days and then some one to one. Just had a go on the street bike with stem as low as it will go. Determined to get it feeling good. 10.00pm.

Thursday 9th May 2013

Front room a bit of a bombsite. Piles of books on the floor, parchment stock for my next publication, gift bags with stuff still in them. Just munched down three gingerbread men from earlier this year – thanks Jenni. There’s DVDs and items of clothing on the couch. I’m a bit of a slob really. Spend most of my time stuck in front of a computer.

Been checking out spare parts for my street bike. It’s very difficult to buy a complete bike and have it ride as you like. There’s always some upgrade required. Even when I bought a brand new model years ago, I had the brakes changed immediately instore.

Done six workshops this week – facilitated four and took part in two and I’m a little knackered. Got Rosie Garland’s The Palace of Curiosities today from the library. Just need to factor in time to read it. Ears seem to be ringing really loudly this evening. Think I might go to bed soon. 9.58pm.

Friday 10th May 2013

Took the day off from creative endeavours to tidy the kitchen and back room where bikes are kept. Fixed a puncture. Tyre a total bastard; bent two dinner forks trying to get it off the wheel rim. Had a little ride around Consett. It was good to do some kickturns on the skatepark quarterpipe near the sports centre, but the chain kept coming off whilst doing rollbacks. Took the bike to Shaun’s shop, Bits for Bikes. Gonna get two new chainrings fitted. Bike will be much better with 22/32 teeth up front. Chain will be straighter to the frame and a much safer ride.

The internet has been off for over four hours this evening. Can’t put up the Lamplight event page until it comes back on. Probably tomorrow. 9.31pm.

Saturday 11th May 2013

Lamplight Open Mic details now on facebook. It’s a week on Monday. We’ve had some tremendous nights in the auditorium bar over the years. It’s decent weather. Stanley is really easy to get to. Hope we get a good mix of writers and performers.

Just heard the venue is under threat of closure due to Council budget cutbacks. Axing of community arts provision – something else to fucking despise the torys for. Where will it all end?

Got some work typed up, listened to Kate Bush this morning after watching a b/w version of Wuthering Heights starring Laurence Olivier and Merle Oberon last night. Thanks to Ali Lee at Waddy for salvaging it from the media studies VHS collection destined for the bin. 

Picked up the STP from Bits for Bikes this afternoon. I wanted it to run with 16 gears. The new chain rings are on. But Shaun couldn’t fit a front derailleur coz there’s no cable stop mount brazed to the seat tube. I’ve seen loads of pix online of STPs with 16 gears. How come my frame just happens to be one without the fucking mount? Rode for an hour shifting the chain from front 22 tooth ring to 32 tooth ring by hand when required. Not exactly ideal though, is it, getting off at the top of a hill to switch into a higher gear? But I am a stubborn bastard and never to be deterred when I’ve set my heart on something, so when I got home I searched online till I found a bolt on bracket to do the job. I will have 16 working gears on my jump/street bike if it’s the last thing I do. Fuck it!

Another lovely sunny evening. Might do some lesson plans. 7.31pm.