Foot in Mouth Disease and Other Stories

Monday 16th May 2016

FUCKING HELL! Just as well I made up some book stock. ‘Verbal Remedy’ has put me down as an official stockist for Festival of the Zine 2016. That’s mint! Got an email from college and am going in to discuss paperwork tomorrow. Chuffed with the response to my Home Town Slog prose last night. I’ve replaced it with a short poem – another good response. I’m testing out pieces for another Sunshine-style book / zine. Jenni emailed and has booked tickets for ‘Write It: Open Mic It’ spoken word event at Live Theatre next Saturday. I’ve tweaked and reprinted my JibbaJabba pamphlet masters and aim to get 26 copies run off at Waddington Street Centre tomorrow. Been very busy with promo stuff this evening. 11.20 pm.

Tuesday 18th May 2016

Tough day. Went to the college for a meeting regarding my problems with paperwork and pretty much talked myself out of a job. I’m not a real teacher; I’m just someone who got lucky. What I do as a writing facilitator appeals to quite a lot of people and I’m really grateful for the opportunities that come my way, but I’ve never been comfortable with formal education; I try to make my workshops as far removed from a classroom vibe as possible. On the plus side some of the participants on the course I just led have made enquiries about working with me again, so that’s cool. The staff at the college have been very supportive, but as the latest course was funded through a third party they are unable to change paperwork to make it more suitable to my methods. Done little tonight. A couple of emails. I don’t have a session until two o’clock tomorrow afternoon. Wish I’d gone to bed an hour ago. Wish half-term was next week rather than the one after. Need a week away. 11.30 pm.

Wednesday 18th May 2016

Session at Cambian Appletree was great. Eight of us in the art room doing an A2Z of advice acrostic based on my “(This is not a) Prose Poem” surreal rant. Then a mint time hosting Ways with Words for Durham Writers at Waddy, doing guided writing and good fun group sonnet. Wrote one solo on the bus back to Consett. Home to an eggy bun and more admin. Pleased my business bank balance is pretty good. I’m still a little sore about yesterday. Pleased to have a good turn out both sessions today. One of the Waddy writers has a full-length paperback collection of poems and flash made out of the pamphlets we did over a three-year period. Looks excellent! Well done, Chris Hill! I’m off to bed soon. Hope I sleep better tonight. 11.04 pm.

Thursday 19th May 2016

Good repeat of last night’s session this morning at Mind. Only a closing couplet away from completing our group sonnet. The group was on fine form, only a couple of absences. After the session I found myself once again thinking in iambic pentameter. Home to a bowl of Heinz tomato soup and the Poetry Jam event page done. I read Hank Rollins’ update in the LA Weekly, plus an article in the NME on the anniversary of the death of Ian Curtis. Going to The Stanza in North Shields with Jenni this evening. I am on the 46 to Newcastle getting bounced about the bastard bus right left and centre. Hitting Vindamora Road in Ebchester, near the post office and shop where I used to buy ‘Speed’ comic on Saturdays as a kid when I stayed at Grandma’s. Already had my tea: small sausage and chips in Consett; fucking awful. But couldn’t guarantee there’d be time to get an eat4less baguette before boarding the metro. Haven’t seen Jenni for nearly a fortnight. 5.20 pm.

Friday 20th May 2016

The Stanza was canny last night. Enjoyed headliner, Mark Thompson’s chip shop poems; Alix Alixandra’s greetings cards poem; David O’Hanlon read well. Jenni sang about waiting for online Scrabble to load – to the tune of Queen’s ‘Hammer to Fall’. Valerie Laws was very entertaining – loved her Devil poem. Enjoyed Mandy’s parenting poem The Things We Will Tell You, Aaron Wright’s Dalek poem. Numerous others… Today I didn’t get up until almost midday coz I didn’t get to bed till two this morning after a shopping trip to Tesco. Got the 26 copies of my Jibba pamphlet folded and stapled this afternoon and some preliminary publicity. Did some research for tax purposes and posted the Durham Writers’ funeral sonnet online. Ate lots of ham and pease pudding sandwiches. Hope I can get some more work lined up in the coming weeks. 11.45 pm.

Saturday 21st May 2016

Was late to bed last night after watching Kate Bush videos. I’ve been a fan for decades. The Sensual World is my favourite album of hers. Didn’t get up until half ten. Did more calculations of my income for HMRC. It’s not a tough ask, to be honest. I’m ok with numbers. Got the Jibba booklets trimmed today and some more pix online. Mandy Maxwell posted a video of me reading the Durham Writers sonnet at The Stanza on Thursday. Good of her to record it.

   I was supposed to be biking to Jen’s place this afternoon but going through my bike bag I discovered that my spare inner tube and repair kit are missing. Don’t want to be caught with a puncture, so to avoid being late for our night out I’m going to have to spend thirteen quid on bus fare. That’s probably half the money I’d stand to make by selling pamphlets next week.

   Have been living on porridge, yoghurt and ham and pease pudding sandwiches for the last few days. Going to weigh myself on Jen’s new scales tomorrow.

   Tonight we’ll be at Live Theatre for ‘Write it: Open Mic It’ – a show of spoken word, comedy and extracts from new plays. Ettrick Scott is on the bill. So is Jessica Johnson. Both are pretty full-on performers. 5.29 pm.

Sunday 23rd May 2016

Rehearsed my JibbaJabba set with new intros and links this morning. Out in Newcastle this afternoon. Jenni was running a performance workshop with Sky Hawkins for Scratch Tyne. I went to the library to do some work then had a look in HMV and The Works. Jenni cooked pork steaks and veg for tea then we watched telly for a couple of hours. Now I’m on the 10.30 pm bus back to Consett but it takes ages coz it makes a diversion to High Spen and Chopwell. Doubt I’ll be home before midnight. 10.34 pm.