THEY DON’T WRITE THEM LIKE THEY USED TO

17th May 2014

Finding it hard to focus on much till I get something from the doctor on Monday. Have been online – writing marathon info, Poetry Jam, workshop bits and pieces – but am struggling. Have a heat patch on my right knee. It’s okay when I’m walking outside; standing still hurts more. Nice to hear from some poets today. Think I’m going to watch X Men on tv. 7.57pm.

Sunday 18th May 2014

Slow slog through some admin. It’s sunny all weekend and I’m putting things on hold till I see the doc. Brighter mood but still lots of aggro going on – mainly in the right knee. Did a bit of layout for a student pamphlet. Watched Fargo then Perspectives documentary about the influence of Freddy Mercury on Alfie Boe. Another marathon place taken tonight. Supper then bed by twelve. 11.14 pm.

Monday 19th May 2014

Doctor was very helpful this morning. She said a relative does downhill mountain biking and is aware of the stresses extreme riding can have on joints. I’m booked in for x-rays at Shotley Bridge hospital tomorrow. Pain on and off today, not so bad this evening. Got stuff prepped for the week’s workshops, but took an hour out for a little mid-afternoon just felt a bit hammered. Good to get Poetry Jam publicity up on Facebook this evening  10.24 pm.

Tuesday 20th May 2014

Had my knees x-rayed this morning, won’t hear about the damage for at least a week. Really sore this afternoon. Not bad during evening class but now feel like the fuckers are grinding bone on bone. ‘Unable to deliver parcel’ notification on the mat tonight and two marathon cheques. Kirsten Luckins has ordered a purple tiger print cake for JibbaJabba. Jenni knows nothing about it. It’ll be eaten long before anyone reads this. 10.52 pm.

Wednesday 21st May 2014

Morning session went well with sentence stems and Hopper paintings. Afternoon extended metaphors and Tritina poems. Worked on student pamphlet. Read a great article online about female skateboarder in her late thirties, watched a cool piece of biketrial video featuring likes of Eddie Tongue and Chris Akrigg then looked at bike archives. 10.51 pm.

Thursday 22nd May 2014

45 to Tyneside. Have some bits and pieces to drop off at Jen’s before JibbaJabba. Not a bad day, despite the pissy weather. Good morning session with the Consett Writers. Sentence stems, similes and metaphors. We wrote loads and had a lot of laughs during read backs. Afterwards I went down to the post depot on Leadgate Industrial Estate to pick up safety pads for an activity I’m still not sure I’ll be able to participate in. Been telling a few people that I’ve probably got arthritis in my knees. One of the Consett Writers has had it for sixteen years. Says it knacks, worst climbing stairs, but can still drive and walks without a stick. If caught early it can be manageable, so I’m hoping that’s the case for me. Been checking out healthy foods that can help relieve knee pain – tuna, salmon, cod mackerel, onions, green peppers, apples, fresh orange juice, ginger, red grapes, strawberries… Avoid white bread, pasta and pastry. Gonna read Board Free in a while. Hope to have it finished in the next week. Not intending to read at JibbaJabba tonight but might be swayed. Hope the rain holds off. 5.15 pm.

Friday 23rd May 2014

Had a good night at JibbaJabba but am still not back into the swing of the gig circuit. Lots of good stuff performed, didn’t feel the urge to take to the stage myself though. Had a bit of a lie in today. Wrote some morning pages, read some Board Free. Had a laugh with Jen looking at Facebook updates – some lovely pix of people in hats. Went out for food supplies. Jenni is well impressed with the super thick lentil and bacon soup from Barry’s – Baxters in a Bonners tin. Well tasty. Knees haven’t been bad today. Only a few creaks. Wall slide exercises no strain on the joints, whereas Tuesday there was, which made me reluctant to continue. In about ten minutes I’ll be getting ready to go out for the SWANS gig. Meeting Stephen and Glen in the Free Trade pub near the venue at six. Jenni is tapping away the laptop and has just received news about a big poetry scoop for next JibbaJabba. Not allowed to reveal yet, of course. Looking forward to seeing Stephen and Glen as much as Swans. Never met up with Stephen for nearly a year. Weather is shit again. Must remember ear plugs, gig will be fucking loud. 4.29 pm.

Saturday 24th May 2014

WHY YER BUGGER, LAD; THEY DON’T WRITE THEM LIKE THEY USED TO

It was great to see Stephen and Glen last night. The conversation about music, film, DIY creativity was actually far more entertaining than watching former heroes SWANS, to be honest. The band didn't really disappoint, because I knew what they were going to be like, but it wasn't much of a physical experience for me. I just don't think standing on a concrete floor in a warehouse is the best way to experience soundscapes. A seated venue would have been better, because apart from the riffs of a couple of pieces – even the band's leader Michael Gira stops short of calling many of them songs – I couldn't really find much to lock onto. The bass overshadowed much of the sound to the point where vocals and drums were almost irrelevant at some points. Self-indulgent riffing in an attempt to transcend via experimental Krautrock sonic barrage might have worked for the men creating it, but I personally struggled to make the connection. I wasn't annoyed about it; I didn't expect any former glories – doing so would be like demanding the Ziggy Stardust album in its entirety on Bowie’s Glass Spider tour – a sure route to big disappointment.

   Of course, bands aren’t obliged to pander to audience expectations. When you start relying on the merits of others for personal fulfilment you get into the "smashing shop windows and phone boxes is perfectly justified if the ‘leather bag of wind’-kickers subscribed to aren’t victorious after splashing out on a season ticket. It very easy for us to stand and criticize when we desire a certain outcome and don't get it.

   The best period for me to see Swans live was in 1989. The Burning World might not be the best album - and being disowned by Gira, he's unlikely to ever return to those tracks with Swans in a live setting, but the music translated well to a small room, the experience was truly physical, you could hear every note, individual drum-beats in your chest; a pure shriek, wail or tender vocal from Jarboe, a narrative journey from Gira and some superb contributions from Westberg, Hahn and other players.

   For anyone who has never witnessed Swans live before, Friday’s performance may have been an overwhelming, magnificent experience, but for me it was like watching an avant garde rock jam on a traffic island from the flyover thirty feet away. Swans in 2014 are the sort of extended collaborative noise extravaganza that punk and new wave aimed to counteract; the songs in the set were too long and lacked the psychological drama of older material which had more spaces around the sound – think line breaks in page poetry as opposed to a dense prose paragraph. Very difficult to get the emotional impact that one of the band’s earlier performances would illicit. I love ‘Children of God’ on record, but never experienced it live.

   Probably the worst I’ve seen Swans is the shambles that was their Love of Life gig at Middlesbrough Arena in 1992. The reformation tour of 2010 and this year’s outing would be my least favourite acceptable performances; the 1995 and 1997 gigs with Jarboe were great. But whether just because of my age, the lyrical content married to the physical effect of the music, or the intimacy of the venues, the shows of August 1989 will remain two of my favourites of any band ever.

   Major life-changing musical experiences don’t come along very often. A Swans gig used to be about physical surrender, giving yourself over to the music to the point that you were barely able to stagger away from the auditorium due to fatigue and dehydration, the effects of being engulfed in a truly burning world. But I’m forty-four now. And that kind of physicality, sadly, is just a memory.

Sunday 25th May 2014

Having listened to the new SWANS album a bit more today, I appreciate that some people who were at Friday's gig might think I was watching an entirely different band from them. I just think at the kind of volume Gira and co play onstage a lot of the layers are obliterated in all but the most robust of ear drums and PA systems. I did rock out to Oxygen, however, and some of what followed and enjoyed it, just wish the sound was as clear live in the venue as it is recorded and played back through home speakers.

Had a lazy day with Jenni, eating and watching television and being silly. I have a week off from workshops, so I might get round to some of my own long overdue projects before final part of term begins. 10.30 pm.