No Passport Necessary: Edinburgh Diary

Monday 11th August 2014

Shoes shined, bag packed, ready to rock and eager to leave. Megabus from Newcastle to Edinburgh at 4.00 pm then straight over to the first heat of THE BBC Edinburgh Fringe Slam 2014 to watch Jenni Pascoe compete alongside eight other great poets. Tomorrow evening I have a JibbaJabba at PBH Free Fringe slot and aim to catch as much spoken word as possible during my two visits to bonny Scotland this week. Rarrrggghhhh! 1.10 pm.

Seated at a veneer beech effect table in Newcastle Central Library with people a couple of decades older than me. Couples pointing at travel brochures, silent solitary souls staring into space, others talk about the weather. A wall of glass, windows floor to ceiling, and it feels like a fish tank. Mondays are usually work prep days. I’ve been in town over an hour, bought a chicken and bacon sandwich and a Chelsea bun for tea later, checked out Classic Rock magazine and browsed the fancy stationary in Paperchase. HMV has moved to Eldon Square.

In a while I’ll go outside and stand with a small gathering of travellers awaiting the Megabus. According to the timetable it leaves at ten past four and reaches Edinburgh at six. Which is obviously wrong. It’s a bus, not a rocket. Anyway, I’m all ready to recline with Sex, Love and Rock and Roll by Tony Longfella Walsh – or thumb the pages of THRILL longboarding magazine which hit the doormat this morning. Edinburgh, here we come. 3.48 pm.

Blustery five minute pit-stop somewhere on the Scottish border, just to stretch the legs, the driver says, just as I’ve started to nod off. Still got the rhythms of Tony Walsh going round my head but they don’t exit the pen. The sea is grey, the air is cold and I’m beginning to regret the hoodie instead of a coat. So I don’t get off for five minutes. Not even for two.

On the move again, only another hour. Jenni or Kirsten will meet me at St Andrews bus station. Then it’s off to Potterrow  for the BBC poetry slam. Might look at a longboard magazine for a little while. 5.40 pm.

Kirsten Luckins was waiting at the coach station at ten to seven. She told me things have been a bit gruelling this year. Cold, wet, low attendance, hard flyering. The streets are choked with people. I haven’t coughed since Consett and within ten minutes of arriving I’m doing just that.

We get to Pivo just as Jibba Jabba is finishing. Mandy, Claudia, Chris Harland and James Wilkinson and Rob Auton among those there. Wish I could’ve made the show, but eight quid for a limited timetable coach is a good deal. Jenni says she’s got a few voice problems. The bridge is closed so take an alternate across Edinburgh to Boots. Various performers buy up cough mixtures, ask for honey. Jenni is glugging on her medicine before we get out the chemists.

Five minutes under the threat of rain and here we are, at the BBC tent. Have spoken to Kevin Cadwallender and Amanda Baker. Dominic is here, Sophia Walker. 7.43 pm.

Tuesday 12th August 2014

Great first night at the Fringe. Really enjoyed the opening heat of the BBC Slam. Congratulations to Amanda Baker who won, looking forward to seeing her onstage again in the final this Saturday. Brilliant Blind Poetics afterwards. Loads of variety at this five-hours + open mike. Perhaps screaming "(This Is Not A) Prose Poem" and almost blowing out the PA at twenty-five past one in the morning wasn't the best way to endear myself to a Scottish audience, but hey, it was getting anarchic and I got a bit carried away. A more polished routine promised for JibbaJabba at six this evening. Happy Days!

Pretty knackered. We didn’t get to the two shows I wanted to see this afternoon. Got to Pivo and went into the women’s toilets by mistake. Jenni is back outside flyering. There’s a comedy show going on. No laughter. Just been to a male suicide awareness gig at The Banshee Labyrinth. It’s a great venue, but both times I’ve been there previously I’ve fallen asleep. Me and Jenni went to Piemaker earlier. Giant cheese burger.

Thirty-five minutes before Jibba Jabba starts. I’m doing a standard old set at six. Not feeling very lively. But no matter. Will try to write a little more a bit later on. Haven’t had a drink yet; don’t think the Tesco water will go down well with the bar staff. 5.28 pm.

STEVE URWIN BRINGS SHIT WEATHER

Really enjoyed Jibba Jabba. Flew through my ten minute set no glitches. Enjoyed the open mic, particularly the double-header poem by two Australian poets. Also great to see Stephen Barnaby perform. Have had his booklet of 50-word stories since last year. Rahul Kohli good. Kirsten Luckins used her set to road test poems for her slam heat.

After Jibba we saw Porky the Poet aka Phill Jupitus, Simon Munnery, Kate Fox and a comedian I forget the name of. Porky’s line ‘They finally caught Jeremy fucking a car’ etched in my brain. Caught the second half of the BBC Slam heat. God variety of material. Judges going for proper poems, not just fifty mile per hour rants. 10.11 pm.

Wednesday 13th August 2014

Great time in Edinburgh. Enjoyed my set at JibbaJabba last night and watching everyone else perform. Nice to meet Stephen Barnaby and numerous other writers. Enjoyed THE BBC Edinburgh Fringe Slam 2014 heats. Well done to all taking part, especially Amanda Baker and Toby Campion. Blown away by Tim Clare's 'Be Kind to Yourself' at the Banshee last night. Thanks to Jenni for getting me to the coach station today. A Moorside pitstop this evening prepping workshop stuff for Consett Writers in the morning then back to the Fringe after lunch to compete in the Thursday evening slam heat then open mike at Other Voices with Jenni at the Banshee on Friday. Hoping to catch more shows in the coming days.

Tired. Thirty-five minute walk back from The Banshee at midnight after Tim Clare’s show ‘Be Kind to Yourself’ about anxiety. Best show I’ve seen so far. Noah’s Arc and Grill and Charlie Wordsworth plus the rap at the end were brilliant. Packed room. Very hot. Loved it.

Did my morning pages at nine this morning. While Jen did her online admin I had a read of the Edinburgh Book Festival guide. Viv Albertine was there on Sunday night. The Game of Thrones guy is there. And Richard Dawkins. A few prominent poets but mostly authors I’ve not given much attention.

Got a chance to catch up on admin. Ali Lee hooked me up with a guy called Dan who needs a tutor for a ten-week writing course in September. If I can do a repeat of a basic New College course I’ll be well up for it.

Me and Jen raced into the city centre from Stockbridge at eleven. I made the Megabus with plenty of time to grab a sandwich on the way. Been on the road an hour now. It’s dry but dull, definitely autumnal. I read through some poems for slam alternatives, timed the two pieces I’m doing at Other Voices in The Banshee on Friday afternoon. I will get to Moorside about four o’clock this afternoon. Email checks, Facebook update and then typesetting for the workshop tomorrow morning. Think I’ll just rest for the next hour. 12.40 pm.

Bus driver from Newcastle to Consett doing his best to emulate a geriatric tortoise. Just made my connection to Moorside or it would have been after half four when I got home. Did the admin, sent info off to potential new employer, and some Facebook updates.

Spent three hours this evening typesetting the poems for my Consett workshop. Hope to have time in the morning to get exercises sorted. Great to have a pizza for tea tonight. Just heard via Facebook that Kirsten Luckins got a very close second in her slam heat. Fingers crossed it was close enough to get through to Saturday’s final on points after tomorrow’s scores are totted up. I’m looking forward to getting back up to Edinburgh tomorrow. 

11.02 pm.

Thursday 14th August 2014

Dreamt I had to shave on a school bus – full beard, plastic beaker of luke-warm water, blunt disposable razor. And strangely, none of the kids batted an eyelid. In fact, so disinterested in this morning ritual of millions, that I didn’t feel the least bit self-conscious and consequently missed my fucking stop. Returned home from an industrial estate on the far side of Stanley with my tail between my legs, the workshop missed, the group disappointed, my reputation in tatters – all this in a dream is a wake-up call for my busy little day.

Had a mint read-through workshop at Mind for our big gig on 28th August at Stanley Civic Hall. The Consett Writers are a great group – motivated in session and very supportive of each other. We tested thirty poems and sequenced a bit of each set, we’ll complete these next week.

After sausage and chips I went to the library, picked up a reservation and caught the bus to Newcastle for my return train to Edinburgh. I am looking forward to the slam this evening. ‘Diamonds of Death Street’ and ‘Oliver Dearest’. And ‘Coming Back to This’ in reserve. At OTHER VOICES tomorrow I’ll do ‘…Kindly Mr Cohen’ and ‘…Lazy Sunday’. Sorted. 2.15 pm.

Overheard on train: “That’s planet earth, the tiny one.”

We all know that governments lie. But just a cursory run-through of the introduction to William Blum’s ‘Rogue State’ is enough to make you despair at the sad state of the human race. Absolute vermin at the top of the tower and all they do is shower us with contempt, piss on us from a great height and ask us to be grateful for globalisation, corporate greed and the war on terrorism. Bollocks!

Later: Enjoyed wandering round Edinburgh for a while this afternoon. Jibba Jabba was great.

I’ve been performing ‘Diamonds of Death Street’ for five years. Never a glitch. First up at the BBC Slam, I screw it up. Unbelievable! Messed up a line then totally blanked. Walked off half way through. Never mind, I’ll do it in Other Voices tomorrow. I closed second round with ‘Coming Back to This’.

Thanks to Jenni and people who offered support after the slam. Well done to David Morgan for wining his heat. And great that Kirsten got through on points. Excellent! 11.20 pm.

Friday 15th August 2014

Woke feeling pretty hammered and pissed off that I fucked up my first poem at the slam last night. Probably not up to standard after last week’s ill health. Me and Jen talked to Caroline (whose house we are staying at) for a while this morning. Did some online activity. Got the workshops for Newton Aycliffe starting September for ten weeks. Pretty chuffed at that.

My slot at OTHER VOICES this afternoon has been switched to Sunday. This is probably for the best as I’m still a bit subdued. Jenni recommended a place called Snax just off Princes Street so I got myself an all-day breakfast while she did some flyering.

Was good to see final performance of ‘The Moon Cannot be Stolen’ at the Royal Oak. Kirsten’s voice is so soothing it’s hard not to become drowsy at times. She was brilliant as ever. Kevin Cadwallender agreed with me. He said it was a shame I had to go on first at the slam last night. Amazingly, despite not completing my first poem, I didn’t come last overall. I’m wondering if I’m a little lethargic after being pumped up on steroids and antibiotics last week.

Saw Rob Auton’s The Face Show. Most of it was really funny, but like The Sky Show last year the closing monologue was very touching and he had a tear in his eye, as did some of the audience.

A girl walks past with a black and white pony head painted on her cheek. A bloke in his late fifties blows out his cheeks as he runs along the busy street. People smile, stare, breathe. I sit in the window of Piemaker stuffing my face. I’ve been here three times previously this week. So far I haven’t had a pie. Today I get a Cajun chicken sandwich and a slab of strawberry and rhubarb cake. I sit in the window of Piemaker stuffing my face. It hasn’t rained on me today.

Think I’ll go perform ‘Diamonds…’ at Jibba in a little while. And ‘…Lazy Sunday’. I saw Sophia Walker outside The Banshee. She liked ‘Coming Back to This’. 5.31 pm.

Later: Jibba Jabba was very busy this evening. Really enjoyed David Viney’s set and Byron Vincent. Strong open mic as well. Was nice to chat with Catherine Ayres and Trish and co afterward. Chuffed to get positive feedback on my poems. Got chips in the Grassmarket. Came to the Banshee for ‘Rebranding Beelzebub’ but I’m so tired I didn’t retain any of it, to be honest. Jenni was going to just go straight back to the house but I said I’d be okay to sit in the bar while she flyered for half an hour. The Banshee is a rock venue. Be nice to have it in Newcastle. My eyes feel like they’re out on stalks. I am looking forward to getting off to bed. Done here. 11.04 pm.

Saturday 16th August 2014

Cold August. We trudge the blustery streets, getting in the way of tourists, tourists getting in the way of us, with their trolleys and their cameras and their infants in buggies, taking chunks out of exposed flesh, being all slow and touristy. I am a tourist, I’m tired of being a tourist already. I’m not very good at holidays. Three days and I’ve started to wilt. No need to book a fortnight. I’d hate it. 2.21 pm.

The ink doesn’t dry quick enough. Blackheads on the base of my right palm, speckles on the lines. Speckles and Smudges. I’m in the Central Library in Edinburgh. Found the English Literature section. All the poetry books mixed in with the plays, essays and criticism. Found some letters by Charles Bukowksi, books by Selima Hill. And they have the collected poems of Adrian Mitchell. I’ll be here till quarter to four. It’s quiet, spacious. No traffic, no wind. It’ll do.

2.26 pm.

Enjoyed being in the library. Have read two thirds of Selima Hill’s 2014 poetry collection ‘The Sparking Jewel of Naturism’. Pieces very short, some only two lines, none more than two-thirds of a page. I have one more sequence to go. Can’t remember much of what I’ve read though. No matter, it’ll surface again when I least expect it. Read a couple more of Bukowski’s letters from the mid-sixties. I have over twenty of his books. Used to read him all the time in my twenties.

I now have an itch to make a little chapbook. I want to start sending more poems and vignettes to mags and e-zines. It’s nice to see your words in a  good little publication. But e-zines are a good means to an end – road-testing poems in order to build up a substantial amount to collect in a single volume.

About twenty-five minutes left before I go back to The Banshee to meet up with Jenni. After which, who knows where we go. 3.15 pm.

THANKS: to Jenni for suggesting Phill Jupitus gig. Great to get a signed copy of his chapbook. Thanks to Kevin and Sophia and all the poets for a great slam final. Kirsten was great. Well done to David Morgan for the win. Thanks to all the lovely people who’ve spoken to us. Thanks to all the artists who put on the shows. Still a few more to go tomorrow. Ok. 11.17pm.

I’m sat in front of the fireplace at The Pear Tree in Edinburgh. The music is thumping and the place is packed, the cacophony of conversation jarring. The poetry crowd sit outside. But outside is a bit cold for me and I’m far from talkative. Would like to get some food and then head back to the house. Slam was awesome but as usual, the aftermath is not for me. 11.20 pm.

Sunday 17th August 2014

Today was as cold as the previous few, but it didn’t matter. We missed Matt Pannesh’s show but saw Sophia Walker’s ‘Can’t Care, Won’t Care’ which was a short stab and twist in the guts. She’s always pretty hardcore. The OTHER VOICES show afterwards was good too. Fay Roberts runs a tight ship. Good to see Keith Jarrett again. Some other good names I can’t remember now. Nailed Death Street, which was quite a relief.

Cheese burger from Piemaker, quick meet-up with Dominic Berry, then some browsing The Works, tourist shops and Hotel Chocolat. Caroline fed us pasta and I read a few of Sophia’s poems while Jen and Caroline smoked cigarettes on the doorstep.

Train to Newcastle. Loud passengers opposite keep referring to people as ‘losers’ which is quite annoying, given that they’ve provided no evidence in their own inane exchanges that they are ‘winners’. People. I try to be patient. I’m looking forward to some time back at home – not moving much, reading, copying up notes, doing some work prep. Maybe go longboarding tomorrow evening if it’s not too cold in Consett. 9.17 pm.

THANKS: to Caroline for letting us stay at her house during The Fringe, thanks to Fay Roberts for my open mic slot. Thanks to Sophia Walker for mint show. Thanks to Jenni for keeping me on track. 11.13 pm.