Wednesday 29th July 2015
Besides bike rides to Jenni’s
place and back, I’ve not made much use of the light nights. Too much work to
play. No longboarding for ages. Slept in. Still made it to work on time. Only a
couple at the writing session this morning, six people last week. Working up a
Waddy student pamphlet this afternoon then group poem for Consett Writers. Been
listening to PIL and Hole. Had a chicken korma and rice, quite a bit of walnut
cake and some Jacobs mini cheddars. Feel a bit of a migraine coming on. Jenni
has been in touch. Not feeling too well and might not make it to Jane Burn’s
pamphlet launch tomorrow evening. My room is a mess. No work on book tonight.
Pretty wrecked. Bed soon. 9.48 pm.
Thursday 30th July 2015
Two good workshops today. And
a great launch for Jane at the Jazz café. We sold a bunch of pamphlets, got
some raucous applause and everyone had a good time. Great turn out. Nice to
stay back and chat with Kirsten, Jane and co. Poor Jenni couldn’t make it,
still under the weather. Hope she is okay for her show at No Sleep Till
Scotland on Saturday... Couldn’t resist a bit of pizza from Clayton Street
Chippy before leaving town. Now on the 45 back to Consett. Looking forward to a
lie-in tomorrow. Then putting up the
mail order link for the pamphlet on Facebook. Chuffed that people like it.
11.28 pm.
Friday 31st July 2015
MANY THANKS to everyone who came to the launch of Jane
Burn’s debut pamphlet fAt aRouNd tHe MiddLe at the Jazz Café in Newcastle last night.
Special thanks to all the guest peformers: Lisa Matthews, Julie Hogg, Alix
Alixandra, Judi Sutherland, Pippa Little, Kirsten Luckins and Nev Clay. A wonderful night filled from start
to finish with fantastic poetry and songs. Jane was on top form and went down a
storm. It’s an absolute pleasure to see so many people sharing in her successes throughout the region and beyond. Talking Pen is
delighted to publish such a rising star. I'm sure she'll be snapped up by a
bigger press very soon.
Home from Jane’s launch about
one this morning. Bed by two. Thought I might sleep longer today but didn’t. Checked
out postal cost of pamphlets then did publicity updates for mail order. Got
about seven or eight orders in straight away. Cleaned up the 27-speed this
afternoon. Took about an hour and works better now. Got a bit of a sniffle
coming on. Rode over to Jen’s. Quite muddy in places on the cycle path but able
to dodge the mess. Jen is still unwell and very disappointed that she can’t do
her show tomorrow. Had some chicken bakes with beans. Watched some telly. Bit
tired now. 11.22 pm.
Saturday 1st August 2015
Went into Newcastle today, had an eat4less baguette
then on to Alphabetti Theatre for No Sleep Till Scotland. Caught the end of
Matt MacDonald’s show, saw ‘Up the Nerd Punks’ by Henry Raby and Agnes Torok’s 'If You're Happy And You Know It - Take This Survey'.
Henry was the favourite for me. Was going to see more shows this evening but stayed
with Jenni. Watched Jimmy McGovern’s ‘Common’ about joint enterprise murder.
Thought-provoking. 11.00 pm.
Sunday 2nd August 2015
Slept
till about eleven then read some of ‘Note to Self: On Keeping a Journal and
Other Dangerous Pursuits’ by Samara O’Shea. Had a lovely curry with Jenni for
lunch then watched a couple of episodes of New Tricks, a Columbo then out for
more food. Jenni is good at getting the bargains. Not sure about the weather,
so I’m staying in Gateshead tonight. 10.07 pm.
Monday 3rd August 2015
Good
to chat with Jenni first thing before setting off on the bike back to Moorside.
A little muddy and quite windy – more so the closer to Consett. Proofs of the
Dark Matter pamphlet featuring me and Catherine Ayres arrived from Black Light
Engine Room Press today. Editor PA Morbid has packed in all my pieces and in
due course I’ll reproof them and read Catherine’s pieces too. I sent out
another eight copies of Jane’s pamphlet this afternoon then caught up on the
emails. Intended to cut the grass but put off till tomorrow. Hate gardening.
Keyed in notes and did copy-ups whilst listening to Hole and Sex Pistols. Got
updates on Stanley
music and spoken word event which I’m doing some hosting for on the 29th. 10.05
pm.
Tuesday 4th August 2015
Five
hours sleep. Ratty mood most of the day not helped by my lawnmower burning out.
Set me back forty quid and a couple of hours. Read some of Reckless Chants #22
from Jessie Lynn McMains (Rust Belt Jessie) and got England’s Dreaming by John
Savage about 70s punk from Consett Library. Sold some pamphlets and prepped a
workshop. Got the colour cover mocked up for a Waddy student’s third pamphlet
in as many years. Been listening to Pistols demos most of the evening. And some
really good live tracks. So much for not being able to play. Haven’t found time to work on my own books
much. Aiming to spend a whole day getting Laughter to Split Glass ready to
submit by the end of the week. Then tweaks. Harassing day. Bed soon. 10.56 pm.
Wednesday 5th August 2015
Good
session at Waddy this morning. Fiction exercises then ninety minutes after
lunch on a student pamphlet. Took a walk into Durham and checked out stationary in Wilko
and looked at books in The Works. But I’ve got a book list the length of my
arm. House is full of books I won’t get round to reading. Jenni has put me on
the Jibba Fringe bill on her birthday with Rosie Garland and Kevin
Cadwallender. Looking forward to it. Going to read it. Think I’m done with
struggling to memorise stuff for the sake of it. Been discussing this a lot
lately. Feel a bit snotty. Hope I’m not getting cold. 9.37 pm.
Thursday 6th August 2015
Unusual
to have a Thursday morning off. I’m normally at Mind. I should have planned my
afternoon session last night but was sat at the computer watching four
middle-aged blokes play teen angst to a packed Brixton Academy
back in 2007. I wonder what it would take to get them to do a 40th anniversary of
Never Mind the Bollocks as well. Henry Rollins had a good LA Weekly column
today. Sometimes he can be hit and miss but his op ed contained some pretty
good prose on the spirit of rock and roll… Poetry Jam was grand tonight. Open
mic from Alex Birch, David O’Hanlon, Jane Burn, Simon Green and others,
including newcomers. Jenni tested out material for her ‘Workie Ticket’ Edinburgh show. Ken Creen
lived up to expectations with Susan, Anaglypta and Cuban heels poems. Superb
set from Kirsten Luckins – great to see her reading epic work in an intimate
setting… Now on the 43 to Stanley.
The guy on the phone behind me is telling a mate that he’s going to court and
will probably get locked up. I wonder what he did wrong. Another hour and a
half and I’ll be home. 10.36 pm.
Friday 7th August 2015
Morning pages. Queries for
panphlet orders. Booked Edinburgh
tickets, checked out page scans for a notebook style zine. Uploaded the Poetry
Jam pix. Emails to Waddy about stigma poetry and to Jennie at the Sunderland photography project. Copied up journals and
keyed in text as well. 10.47 pm.
Saturday 8th August 2015
Three weekends in a row I’ve
looked forward to watching The Filth and the Fury Sex Pistols film. Just
returned a THIRD defective disc to Amazon which I received earlier today. All
three copies played the opening Channel Four advert then a blank screen. No
icons for play movie, trailer, specials features – nothing. DVD player display:
‘Root’ - but remote has nothing to interact with. Other DVDs play fine. Spent
ten minutes on the phone explaining that issuing a replacement without checking
the film actually follows the opening advert will probably result in same. Like
hitting your head off a fucking wall!
A
day off – or a day wasted? Depends on how you want to look at it, I suppose. I
spent much of the afternoon in Consett, checking out books in the charity shop;
looking for craft materials; then buying a few presents and getting food for
the week. I rarely see many people around town that I know. I see plenty people
who live nearby – faces at the bus stop and in the supermarket – but I don’t
really know any of them. For the past twenty five years I’ve not really been in
touch with many of the people I grew up with, went to school with.
Somehow this evening I ended up mooching
around on Facebook checking out old neighbours and people I played with as a
kid in Bridgehill. I thought about contacting one or two of them, but decided
not to. Most of the people I’ve got to know in recent years are very creative –
writers, musicians, visual artists, comedians, publishers, actors, etc. I know
them by moving in similar circles. This evening I looked at pictures of my old
classmates with their families and friends and upwardly mobile lives and
thought, fuck I haven’t really moved on very much from being the kid who wanted
to join a rock group as a teenager but never learnt to play an instrument.
I never learnt much as a teenager. I hated
school and couldn’t wait to leave. I got invited to a school reunion party in
my home town of Consett
about fifteen years ago and wondered why. I never really fitted in as a kid and
I don’t think my outlook on life as an adult would make for light conversation.
I spent much of my twenties painting myself
into a corner. And have kind of stayed there since. Sure, I do my workshops and
engage with the spoken word circuit, but without the focal point of a performer
on a stage I don’t really feel all that comfortable in social settings,
especially if there’s an obligation to make casual conversation. I need a
purpose, an activity to engage in, besides small talk. Jenni, my girlfriend,
sometimes adopts a grumpy voice and says, “My
name’s Steve, I don’t like most things.” Which isn’t far from the truth, I
suppose. I could make a great big list of things that I do like – mainly food,
books and records and youthful pursuits. But the adult world of work, mortgages,
starting families, social gatherings, utility bills and household chores, maybe
two weeks off on a package holiday – none of that stuff interests me very much.
One of my personal quirks is to avoid owning
a passport. How pathetic is that? you may ask. But I have no intention of
straying far from this little patch of earth that I grew up on. No fancy for
seeing another country for real. Yesterday, a musician I admire was criticizing
the way modern life is governed by technology. I don’t own a mobile phone and
wouldn’t thank you for one. But I certainly seem to spend a big part of my
waking life in front of a computer screen. Music, art, documentaries, essays,
poetry – anything that piques my interest at the touch of a button. I find it
easier to engage with the wider world by viewing it on a screen than stepping
over the doorstep.
In about ten days time I will be travelling
by bus up to Edinburgh
for Jenni’s birthday and to check out some of the spoken word events at the
Free Fringe Festival. It’s going to be about four days. That will be good. Any
longer and I’ll start getting irritable. Last year I had to take time out in an
Edinburgh
library for an afternoon. I sat reading Selima Hill poems and letters by
Charles Bukowski. It was good to have a little sanctuary away from the
intensity of the city during its busiest month of the year.
I was meant to be going to Leeds today for a zine festival, but the travel was a bit
expensive – especially as I’ve just forked out for a new lawnmower and coach
tickets for the Fringe. It’s a relief to just be at home without having to
apply myself very much. Tomorrow I must do editing work on some forthcoming
publications, but tonight has been good. Just observing life at a remove,
seeing faces of people from my past without having to be in a room with them.
This sounds like the sort of messed-up
solipsistic rambling found in some of the books I admire. Nearly all my heroes
are outsiders. I’ve met a few of them; besides asking about a particular project
or record I didn’t really have much to say, felt just as awkward as I would
talking to people from my past.
It often amazes me that I get paid to talk
to people and motivate them to write. Most of my own best writing appears as if
by magic. Trying to teach people how it works is sometimes a bit like trying to
teach them to have the same colour eyes as mine. I will be doing a lot of
creative writing theory research next month for the start of the new academic
year. I’ve been working with some of the writers for close on a decade now.
It’s quite a challenge to bring something new to the table each term, but
that’s what I’ll be aiming for. Right now though, I’m just tapping away with
the music turned off. I might be an unsociable bugger but I am considerate –
the last thing I need is to be upsetting the neighbours with subversive,
miserablist music as we get closer to midnight.
This entry is kind of like morning pages
but at the other end of the day. Keyed straight in from my head, it’s a bit awkward
and perhaps nonsensical but hey, its Saturday night and I can do what I like.
Jenni will be hosting JibbaJabba right now. I hope it’s going well. She’s got
Stephen Barnaby on the bill with his fifty word stories, Agnes Torok and Andy
Bennett. I’m going to have a slice of toast and a mug of hot lemon juice. Cheers!
11.40 pm.
Sunday 9th August 2015 (Morning Pages)
I
have twenty-one days to get the initial manuscript of ‘Laughter to Split Glass’
sequenced. Must work on Dark Matter edits today. Last night I trawled about
Facebook tying to track down some people from my childhood. Their relatives are
on social media, but they aren’t. I looked on the pages of mutual classmates
but to no avail. In the process of looking I did, however, come across photos
of people from Bridgehill that I’ve not seen for decades – ex neighbours, kids
I taught how to ride a skateboard, people who lived a few streets away and
ended up in relationships with mutual teen peers that never lasted. Hello J and
A. Afterwards I did that stupid compare other lives to your own, which is the
kiss of death for self-esteem in my case. All those smiling families, and I don’t
even know the names of some of mine. “Your family’s weird,” my sister’s
boyfriend once told her. We thought we were pretty boringly normal. Turns out
not so. We often had a hard time at school, but then again who didn’t.
In recent months I’ve started to draw on my
early days as inspiration for poems and vignettes, heavily disguised of course.
Change the names and make fresh composites to protect the guilty. I wrote a
long piece of journal directly into the computer last night. I’m going to read
back the edited version of it before I post my blog to make sure I don’t come
across as nasty. I don’t mind being seen as a misery, but not nasty. Despite
impatience and anger I’m quite placid although sometimes express some odd views
on life. I’m in no position to tell anyone how to live, but sometimes in
private the black humour can get a little out of hand. But anyway, all the
reminiscing and surfing is just research and fuel for the ‘real’ writing, which
is getting harder and harder to achieve these days.
I didn’t get to bed till two. I’ve ordered
The Rose Metal Press Field Guide to Writing Flash Nonfiction for my autumn term
and ‘Hit So Hard’ the documentary of Hole’s drummer, Patty Schemel… Just
thought: I should watch Fugazi’s ‘Instrument’ diary film again. I have it on
VHS.
This morning I’m finding breathing a bit
difficult. Same time as last year when I had to go to the doctor for an
inhaler. Just before the trip to Edinburgh.
Was fine there, but shit when I came home again. Great for rehearsing sets –
not! I have three feature sets this month: JibbaJabba at the Fringe, Never Mind
the Ramones 2 at the Caedmon Hall in Gateshead and the Stanley music and spoken word event at the
Civic Hall. One a week.
As of tomorrow there are six weeks left till
the autumn term begins. This morning I’m going to look at the Dark Matter pamphlet,
read it all through a few times and work up the rewrites. Some of the language
is a bit out of register – ‘bicycle’ when it should be ‘pushbike’, for
instance. I am aiming to spend much of the day working on this stuff.
Yesterday I bought a load of food and I’m
going to monitor how much I actually need to eat in a week when I don’t have to
go far. Just three appointments this week. Do I take peanut butter sandwiches?
Probably. I won’t get a whole week home alone. Of course I’m grateful to be in
demand over the summer. Be good to just read books and make notes, maybe get
out on the bike or board. I’m aiming for Wednesday or Thursday evening. I still
have a student anthology to put together. Want to read all the zines acquired
recently and write to the authors…
I sold a couple more copies of Jane’s
pamphlet yesterday.
8.59 am.
WORK-LOG
: Handmade new morning pages book. Email checks. Heard from Jenni: Jibba at the
Fringe went well last night. Got corrected proofs off to Black Light Engine
Room, preliminary setlist for Gateshead,
typesetting, the usual. 9.00 pm.
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