Toyah, PIL, Disappointment, Dark Matter

Monday 14th September 2015

Day started well. Got a list of ten workshop ideas and some content down before breakfast. In touch with a firm about house damage but they can’t come out until Saturday. Bit lethargic this afternoon but plugging away on Wishing Tree Writers anthology. Took till half six, listed about one-hundred and seventy-five typos/tweaks. This evening I started filling up the Anomalies file again after removing about forty pieces for the Red Squirrel Press book. Heard from Ernie this afternoon: Mam back in hospital. Hoping she’ll be ok in a couple of days but has been coughing up blood. Worrying time for us all. Been messaging back and forth to Jenni quite a bit today. Not sure she’ll make it to Moorside this week. Feel a bit off kilter myself, hope tomorrow is better. 11.38 pm.

Tuesday 15th September 2015

Spoke to Ernie on the phone at half eight. Mam might be in hospital a few days. Tomorrow will be the best day to visit. Asked Jenni about builder’s opinion on house. The sooner I get a professional opinion the sooner I can get it sorted, obviously, money prevailing. It’s going to be tricky, though – having people working here when I’m elsewhere. Been reading theory on flash nonfiction. Have to send apologies to Picture the Poet exhibition as the house needs to be seen on Saturday. 7.10 pm.

Wednesday 16th September 2015

Good to see Mam. She is a lot better than Monday. Haven’t been in a hospital for a while. Back home Jenni, gave me the builder’s knowledge on the house. Even with a new door it shouldn’t be more than seven hundred quid. Then just a new kitchen carpet. Good day at Waddy. Got student pamphlet proofed, just need copies made up. Didn’t write anything new yesterday. Want to get to bed before headache kicks in. Up early for prep to do Mind Session then Toyah gig in Stockton. 10.10 pm.

Thursday 17th September 2015

Stressful day. Workshop didn’t go so well this morning. Maybe should’ve just skipped the warm-up and got straight into editing session. It’s not always easy to stick to time when ten minutes into the session you have only half the expected participants, difficult to keep everyone on the same page. Some are more motivated than others. We did an exercise on Unsent Letters because it’s National Letter Writing Week but this overran a bit. We didn’t have work in from everyone for the new anthology, much to the frustration of some. I left feeling exhausted and pissed off that the best group I work with had a less than satisfactory session. Other venues I expect it due to the highly unpredictable nature of the people involved. Home this afternoon, didn’t get much done besides copy-ups before preparing for the Toyah gig in Stockton tonight. Took a good two and a half hours to get from my place to The Arc. I’m in the auditorium at the back. A few people in front of the stage. Support band just came on. Big bass grooves, female singer. Not my sort of thing. Had a lush bacon, sausage and tomato triple sandwich during the wait at Durham bus station. Read some of Mat Resist’s Minneapolis from the Saddle Winter cycling journal zine on the Arriva. Just checked out the gig merchandise. Nothing I’d really like to buy. Would like my ticket signed, maybe get another cd. Depends what time gig finishes. Looking forward to seeing Toyah big style. Need a boost after a totally shit week to be honest. 8.05 pm.

Later: On the X12 headed for Durham. Toyah gig totally mint. Don’t know where she gets the energy. Her stagecraft is fantastic. Brilliant set. Opened with Good Morning Universe. Then Echo Beach; Be Proud, Be Loud, Be Heard; Rebel Run; Thunder in the Mountains; Neon Womb; missed title; Brave New World; These Boots Are Made for Walking; Sensational; Dawn Chorus; The Packt; Little Tears of Love; IEYA; Rebel Yell, It’s a Mystery; I Want To Be Free; and the encore was Danced.

Five minutes later Toyah was signing merch out on the landing in the Arc. Got my ticket and a copy of ‘In The Court of the Crimson Queen’ signed and a bit of video footage to cut a still photograph. She was great. Really needed a boost today. And seeing Toyah rocking out was a lush way to end my working week. I’ll get into Durham about twenty past eleven. Hoping to catch a last bus to Newcastle before midnight or I’ll be charged another fiver. Might get some chips or  a slab of pizza. Hope I get a better run of luck in the coming weeks. Things have been pretty shit. Anyway, bus is mega fast. Only two passengers. 10.47 pm.

Friday 18th September 2016

No night bus to Newcastle when I got to Durham after Toyah gig. Luckily a 43 to Stanley was in the station. Took nearly two and a half hours to walk home after that. Could have got a taxi but think I needed the walk to process thoughts about future of facilitation work. Amount of effort to keep certain sessions going puts me on an hourly rate of about a fiver. Sometimes it can really make you feel like packing this lark in. But felt a bit better about it this morning after a little sleep. Toyah was mint last night but a couple of times I found myself unable to concentrate on the gig coz work hassles kept intruding. Got some admin done this morning. Poetry Jam publicity done online this afternoon and some typing. Been good to listen to Toyah and the new Public Image Limited album today. Falling asleep at the computer now. Think I’ll turn in early. Getting a survey done on the house in the morning. 10.37 pm.

Saturday 19th September 2015

Had to miss Picture the Poet Photography Project exhibition to stay in and wait for a survey from wallseal firm. They were due at half ten. Didn’t show. Rang their office - "Sorry no-one available to take you call right now." - With soggy stinking carpets down I've waited ten days for someone to come and inspect the damage to the brickwork around my back door. Thanks a fucking bunch! Jenni has been to hospital. Has rib pain due to damaged cartilage. My first time back at her place since she went to Edinburgh. Ate ham sandwiches, watched Gavin and Stacy. 10.53 pm.

Sunday 20th September 2015

Lots of fun chatting and being silly with Jenni today. Lazing about, eating curry, listening to Sounds of the Seventies. Watching Dave Gorman’s Modern Life is Goodish. I’m going to see PIL at the Riverside this evening. Read on line that John Lydon and Co will be playing for two hours. Hope they do Rise, Disappointed and (This is not) a Love Song. That’ll do me. OK. 7.03 pm.

Monday 21st September 2015

from Morning Pages

“Public Image Limited were brilliant. Double Trouble, Disappointed, Not a Love Song, Death Dance, Deeper Water, Bags, One Drop, Religion, Chant. Public Image, Rise. I’ve missed some out and not in the right order except first and last two but a two hour set. Great sound, John was a brilliant performer, musicians were tight, venue was intimate. Energy was high. Audience good. Recorded for DVD. Will definitely buy that when it comes out. So, Toyah last Thursday, PIL last night. I reckon that’s my lot for the year. I’d like to go to the British Biketrial Championships in October but I’ll see how work pans out.”

Well, I thought today would be a full-on get cracking making lots of progress on the eve of a new term day – but mainly just red tape, crossed wires and disappointments. Had a look on a job site for the first time in ages this evening. If I wasn’t doing workshops I’d be stacking shelves or working on some production line in a warehouse. Took thirteen years and a fucking mental breakdown to get out of that situation. Would be bloody stupid to do anything to jeopardise my position but some days it can be pretty wearing. Mindreading, crystal balling, wondering what people want.  What they’ll like. If they are prepared to put in any legwork. Anyway, tomorrow is another day. Up early, try to get in a good mood and see what happens. Listened to PIL tonight, avoided getting into some political debates. Could do with a year in exile. Bollocks, I’ll edit quite a bit out of this. Had a rant here and there in emails to Jenni. Should be knocking off and into bed. Better times ahead, hopefully. 11.00 pm.

Tuesday 22nd September 2015

Today was a bit better but I woke at five and felt drained by lunchtime. Session went okay. First day of term. Got some learning objectives done for the coming weeks. Got asked to do a World Mental Health Day workshop and a Colour Your Life course for Waddy. So a bit more work. Tonight I missed the Moorside bus coz the Durham bus was packed and kept stopping. Walked home in the drizzle. Got a pizza at the shop. By the time I’d eaten it a headache was coming on, so just lay down and listened to The Richie Allen Show. Have printed out some papers for tomorrow. Just want to sleep for about nine hours, if I can. Done no real work tonight. Need energy to do prep tomorrow. 10.02 pm.

Wednesday 23rd September 2015

People get days mixed up. Forget term has started. Require gentle reminders from staff. I can’t do that – professional boundaries. But better this afternoon. Got copies of a student pamphlet trimmed and away by half three. Been trying to read an ‘academic’ creative writing handbook on the bus back home but it has, for the last two afternoons, sent me to sleep. Another headache kicked in this evening. Hope it’s just overwork, stress, tension and not due to some horrible mold spores escaping from the damp kitchen carpet. Won’t get further word on that till cousin Gordon visits with a builder on Saturday. Got the last set of proofs for Dark Matter today. A few oversights and tweaks but it should be alright on the night. Pleased to be done and some work dug out of the computer for the Mind anthology session tomorrow. Hope we get a decent turn out. 11.00pm.

Thursday 24th September 2015

Fifteen minutes to turn out a booklet is pretty good. I only had to add a few poems and reattach the covers. Had a long work discussion at Mind this morning. Glad to iron out a few creases. Session was very good. Highly productive. Poems in from most people. A mixture of typed and handwritten. Got over two-thirds of the anthology sequenced. Afternoon, a few final tweaks on Dark Matter then made a large format version of the publication to read from onstage. Had my first eat4less in about a month, then hobbled over to The Cumberland Arms. Bastard tendonitis in both feet. What with Jen’s ribs and Kirsten’s eczema we’re a right set of knack-ups. Touch and go if we’d have to get a guest host this evening but Jenni has made it. Despite the doom clouds over Byker, JibbaJabba kicks off in three minutes. 7.57 pm.

THANKS: Kirsten for setting up the chairs at Jibba and for helping keep things going. Thanks to Jenni for making it. And to all the guests and open mic people. 11.30 pm.

Friday 25th September 2015

Time is ticking and almost a whole day spent on admin requested coz I queried the use of the word ‘novel’ on a leaflet. Me and Catherine Ayres are looking forward to our double-header pamphlet launch tomorrow. We are swapping words. She’s chosen my ‘A Rare Treat’ and suggested I read her poem ‘Love Letter from Disappointment’. This will be fun. Good to hear from Jenni this evening as well. I sent my ‘Laughter to Split Glass’ manuscript file to Sheila at Red Squirrel Press. 11.41 pm.

Saturday 26th September 2015

No headaches for a couple of days. Well, there’s been plenty of metaphorical headaches – unless you stay in bed it’s sometimes hard to avoid them. But so far, so good. Sat with Jenni for an hour this afternoon then got the bus into Newcastle. Queue at eat4less was almost out the door. I’ve seen bands play in smaller rooms. But it doesn’t take long to get served. Chicken and bacon baguette, fries and a can of apple Tango for £1.75. Correct coins, grab the bag and run for Eldon Square. Lots of  headaches at snail pace. And the bus was stuck on Percy Street, so I could have made it to the toilet after all.  Now I’m reluctant to drink anything for the next hour. Queue a mile long for the X10. Kids climbing about the station seats and stainless steel bins. Were we as irritating? Probably worse. Finally onboard, I’m careful with the chicken and bacon mayonnaise. Don’t want a mess down my front when I’m going onstage. My lips are flaring up. Bastard! First coldsore in a long while. Brought the cream but it probably won’t make any difference. Looking forward to reading with Catherine and Jane tonight. All prose from me really. The sky brightens as the sardine tin blasts down the dual carriageway to Boro. Feeling a bit tired. Hope I perk up when I reach the Python Gallery. 5.40 pm.

Sunday 27th September 2015

Watched Into The Woods, Columbo and The Big Bang Theory. Thanks to Jenni for the food and lazy day in Bensham. A good full moon tonight and a Facebook post about launch.

After a stressful week it was fantastic to be published by The Black Light Engine Room Press alongside the brilliant Catherine Ayres in DARK MATTER 5 last night. Bigly thanks to Michal Yankowski for doing an excellent job on the pamphlet. Chuffed with the way it looks and feels. The launch at Python Gallery was mint. Enjoyed looking at Mary Lou Springstead's stunning art exhibition and great to get a copy of her ADVENTURES OF THE ROBOT LADY zine. I don't get to see / hear the Teesside writers as often as I should. Lovely to get such a warm reception. P.A. Morbid's cavalier approach to hosting the event helped keep things relaxed and intimate. Strong open mic and great set from Catherine - thanks to her for reading one of my pieces and letting me read one of hers. And Jane Burn, although feeling unwell, also gave a cracking performance - thanks for the lift back to Gateshead.

If anyone wants to buy the pamphlet I'll have copies at Poetry Jam on Thursday - otherwise contact Michal Yankowski for mail-order. 10.51 pm.