DECEMBER 2019

Sunday 1st December 2019

Up around ten. Facebook ritual then early Steve Achieves about future publishing schedule. Watched Local Hero film set in Texas and Scotland; lots of younger versions of current household Scottish actors. The Grinch was pretty good. Stayed awake for His Dark Materials but lost the plot due to missing last week’s episode. Didn’t bother with War of the Worlds. Think Jenni wishes she didn’t either. Really cold tonight. Hot cherry pie and custard for supper. 10.10 pm.

Monday 2nd December 2019

Technically this is an hour late but I’ve done morning pages and a big Steve Achieves before the midnight deadline so I don’t care. I was up late last night and then lay in bed this morning watching episodes of Frasier in which Niles and Daphne declare their love for each other – two days after Niles married someone else. This afternoon I looked at a bit of politics and find the Tories up to their old tricks of being economical with the facts. Then a few hours of Snooker. Thoroughly enjoyed the Bond versus Trump match and chuffed to see rank outsider Bond win 6-3. This evening I went to Ellen Pheathean and Tom Kelly book launches at Newcastle Lit and Phil. Unfortunately skint and unable to commit the time for a trilogy of novels from scratch, so I only got Tom’s poetry collection ‘This Small Patch’ (Red Squirrel Press) today. Chuffed to be home by ten tonight. Chuffed to get the roller blind fixed and the kitchen tidied up a bit. And to get Steve Achieves printouts up to date. Just got a morning pages booklet to make then bed. 12.52 am.

Tuesday 3rd December 2019

Didn’t get started on Anomalies Deluxe till two this afternoon coz I stayed up till two doing bits of admin and photocopying stray morning pages. The Deluxe pages trimmed okay. The seven holes in each of the seventeen signatures (page sections) were okay. But I totally forgot how to stitch them up so had to watch a little refresher video online. I only had standard thread as well and it kept tangling. After two false starts I got the whole book sewn up. I fucked up a page when the thread tangled on the final signature, and didn’t want to put the computer on to print a single page, but luckily I got it photocopied. It’s a big job done. Six hours today. Maybe add two hours for full printing time. Then gluing up. Adding endpapers to the text block, putting cloth on the cover boards and glueing in the text block. Then a handmade dust jacket. I reckon another eight hours. So, up to sixteen hours per Deluxe book. 11.44 pm.

Wednesday 4th December 2019

As soon as I devote any substantial amount of time to my own creativity, the rest of the stuff just goes to shit. I still have college papers to complete. I have Xmas presents to buy. The house is an utter shithole. But not as cold as previous days. I got the test copy of Deluxe into the book press tonight. Tomorrow I’ll try to get a dust jacket on it so I can take it to Poetry Jam. I’m hoping that Helen is there so I can show her the results. I could do with a complete replacement computer system and I’ll need a better source of income next year. OK. 10.37 pm.

Thursday 5th December 2019

Totally chuffed with how a completed Deluxe looks. I’ve already had a presale for one. And have been asked about Steve Achieves paperback as well. That will be a book next year. Had to rush out quick this afternoon. Left my tablet on charge. Hopefully no battery damage. Got groceries in Durham and a standard Anomalies printed at Waddy this afternoon. I’ll make up that book on Monday. Enjoyed Poetry Jam tonight. All the guests – Steve May, Juli Watson and Tony Gadd – were excellent. Plenty good open floor readings as well. Big thanks to Fergus from Waddy for all his support of the night each month. Pleased to be home now. Question Time is on – Brexit, spending plans of all parties, early release of terrorists… I’m so tired. And so chuffed not to have to go out tomorrow. Pleased to be nearly done. 11.34 pm.

Friday 6th December 2019

Only twenty-five more days to go and I’ve got so many gaps in my hard copy diary. I seem to make work for myself that I get obsessed about but make little money from. Chuffed to get two responses to my work today. Ross Punton loves my 24-hour monograph ‘Free To Be Me’. And a photograph from John Turner of Laughter to Split Glass with all the pages of his favourite poems turned down. Maybe I should ask him which ones… Had a good chat with Mam and Ernie today. Hopefully, I’ll get some Xmas presents bought soon. Only another 25 days of Steve Achieves to go. And that will be the first draft done. Then I can just edit at my leisure and put it out as a book whenever… I want to get off the subject of books for a while. But hey, I’ve had a good run. Just need to secure my stuff in hard drive and physical copy. I’m going to bed to watch Newsnight on iPlayer. If I can stay awake. 10.58 pm.

Saturday 7th December 2019

Great day out in Gateshead. Excellent to hear Jo Bell and Tara Bergin interviewed about the difficulties of earning a living from poetry. Also mint to see Tony Gadd do a top-notch set on the Sage concourse this lunchtime. Enjoyed Born Lippy crew. And Salena Godden was outstanding. Nice to spend time with Jenni. Shame the aches and pains kept her at home today. I got the X70 back to Consett. Big week ahead. 11.35 pm.

Sunday 8th December 2019

Tired most of the day. Got the blog for November keyed in. Researched some book stuff then had sausage and veg dinner. Made a little A6 booklet. Drafted a one to one book-making workshop plan – have plenty of stuff to do for an all-dayer. Listened to Depeche Mode and Queen. Checked out Salena Godden and read Kevin Brooks. Messaged Jenni. Did Steve Achieves. 11.04 pm.

Monday 9th December 2019

‘STAY FANATIC!!! Vol 1’ by Henry Rollins arrived this morning. I didn’t get a chance to give it my attention beyond preliminary page turning until late afternoon after finishing this week’s workshop prep. The opening chapter is pretty good. Why Hank likes music. Why he wants to rescue records from shops. Why he feels compelled to travel great distances to see Iggy and the Stooges yet again… Tonight I got the Waddy paperwork done. Half was emailed to the college. Half will be delivered in person this coming Friday. I want a good sleep now. 11.35 pm.

Tuesday 10th December 2019

Read chapter two of ‘STAY FANATIC!!! Vol 1’. Great stuff on TV Smith. Hank cites the BBC documentary I saw a few years ago. Got another Anomalies Standard built this afternoon and booked a January writing marathon at The Lodge in Blackhill and Consett Park. Three places sold. I got a shave and didn’t cut myself even though I used an old razor. Loved listening to Queen Forever tonight. And Lady Gaga’s ‘The Fame Monster’ four times earlier this afternoon. I remember a time when her song Speechless used to make me choke up and cry. It’s my favourite song of hers. I don’t know much from any of her other albums. Will check out more. I’d like to see footage of her concerts. And I still pine for Queen with Freddie Mercury. Listened to ‘A Day at the Races’ recently and got a bit choked up. Need to get to bed soon. Up early for the Hexham session. 10.05 pm.

Wednesday 11th December 2019

I didn’t intend to spill my bile about the current political climate this morning but it happened over three pages. Had a lush little ride over to Hexham and got set up in the Ethelreda room in the Abbey by half-eleven. Then over to the library to get some ‘Page 56’ quotes for writing prompts. I went back to the Abbey to copy them up onto strips of paper. Then out to get a Festive Bake from Greggs. I stood on the street in the chilled sunshine… The writing session went well: Finish the Sentence, Objects and Lies, Page 56, I Remember then A2Z word bank compositions to finish. Tried to do some Xmas shopping in Newcastle this evening but didn’t fancy hauling extra stuff about. Returned to Consett and did some shopping there. Got a lush festive turkey sandwich for 78p reduced from three quid. Bought a few presents. A week of groceries. 11.23 pm.

Thursday 12th December 2019

Slow day. Zapped after staying up late. Didn’t want to get drawn into election expectations. I voted Labour. Was cheered by photos on social media of people queuing up but on the stroke of ten tonight the fucking BBC pushed exit poll statistics predicting a massive Tory victory. I’m not staying up. The computer is off. I’ll deal with the result tomorrow. I’m going to bed soon. Might read a bit of Salena Godden. Might just put out the light. I’m out most of tomorrow. Got to drop off college papers then I’m off to Waddy. It’s the Xmas do. I’ll buy some sweets and cards. 10.55 pm.

Friday 13th December 2019

Tiring day. Bleak scrolls through Facebook. Lots of anger at election result. I can’t even articulate the disappointment. Although I pretty much did in my online piece this afternoon. Was good to get out and deliver some Xmas stuff at Waddy. Nice to spend some time with staff and volunteers this evening. Lots of good food, chats and laughs. Music and film quiz. Bit of karaoke. I scrolled Facebook for a bit then put Newsnight on to get some of the political fallout. I won’t be banging on about it for much longer. I will be spending more time on my writing and getting the house tidy over the next couple of weeks. I’ll be pleased when this fucking year is over. I need to think about employment. I need to re-budget for 2020. I just want to make books. I got some more Anomalies covers printed today. Staying at home this weekend. Really tired. Enough. 11.30 pm.

Saturday 14th December 2019

Up earlier than I wanted around nine. Still a bit shell-shocked but got over it a bit and decided I wouldn’t post anything political for a while. Good to sit with my own book and re-tweak a few things that niggled me. And to spend much of the day on the couch away from the desktop PC. 10.23 pm.

Sunday 15th December 2019

Long day. Nice to get some online chat with Jenni this afternoon. Re-proofed Anomalies Deluxe and will key in the corrections tomorrow. Been downstairs all day. Feet are numb. Great to hear a guy called Sean give it six-nowt on 5-Live about his disgust at the election of a Tory MP in Consett. Sent it to Jenni and she liked it as well. I’m hoping to get the book done tomorrow. 11.39 pm.

Monday 16th December 2019

Slow day. Bit of a migraine starting at lunchtime. Had to take time out. Tried to order some gift vouchers online and over the phone but only available in-store. Avoided the soul destroying reality of post-election Monday and got my book pages edited/corrected in a couple of sittings. I’m almost good to go with Helen’s book. Today has been soundtracked by Jarvis Cocker and Lady Gaga. I love Gaga’s ballads and the country-rock of the ‘Joanne’ album. Bits of Art Pop and Born This Way. Good stuff. House really fucking cold. 10.50 pm.

Tuesday 17th December 2019

STEVE ACHIEVES #351

Just getting over the doorstep can be an ordeal sometimes. So much stuff to think about. Things to unplug: toaster, iron, George Foreman grill. Desktop PC. Stuff to remember: completed handmade book, morning pages book, wallet, library book a day overdue. Green pen to sign books. Journal. Android tablet. Block of cheese. Sat and vinegar crisps, satsuma. Bottle of blackcurrant squash. I usually knock one up two minutes before I leave. I usually forget to pocket it. I didn't forget today. Mornings are pretty grim of late. Body clock gone to pot. I'm vacant till lunchtime. Okay from two so I can work till ten or eleven. Then back to bed. Today I'm out and about. Sometimes it takes me ages to get over the doorstep. The world seemed half decent this afternoon. Still didn't stop me humming Cunts are still running the World. I'm on the X46. Going to see Jenni do her tenth-anniversary poetry gig. Babble Gum at the Cumberland Arms. One of my favourite venues. Should be a good night.

Wednesday 18th December 2019

Sat with Jenni for a couple of hours then into Newcastle. Bought a Christmas present at Windows. Checked out Bowie vinyl. Checked out diaries in various retail outlets but couldn’t find a decent one. I’ll have another look tomorrow. Went to HMV and checked out more records. Bought a couple of packs of coloured card in The Works for books. Had a look at the laser printers in Ryman’s. Currys PC World on Northumberland Street no longer sell them. Me and Jenni watched The Apprentice on telly. Might stay up for Top of the Pops at twenty past eleven. OK. 10.55 pm.

Thursday 19th December 2019

STEVE ACHIEVES #353

This morning I bought all the individual greetings cards required in under an hour. This evening I dodged most of the downpour to be at the Chillingham in Heaton for the first time in a couple of years to see The Stanza 'Slamza' Slam. Ten poets: Penny Blackburn, David Roe, Ross Punton, Christine Fowler, Andrew Talbot, Andrew Downs, Steve Lancaster, Bogsey, Sammi Rudd and Ken Brady. Two great hosts: Aidan Clarke and Jeff Price. Five judges. Great audience. Superb atmosphere. Poems covering numerous topics, including sailing, identity, Christmas, spaghetti fights, post-election Brexit gripes, prison birth, rap gang murder and colonialism. Ten became six became four then two. It would be cruel to make the same two poets go head to head for a third tie-breaker, so they were both made equal winners - congratulations to Steve Lancaster and Sammi Rudd. Well done to all involved, particularly the Stanza team. Thanks to Aidan Clarke for treating us to audience-chosen tasters from his 100+ poem cafe menu - from memory. Thanks to Jeff for asking me to be one of the judges. One of the best slams I've seen in a long time. Cracking end to the poetry year.

Friday 20th December 2019

Warm day. Bought my diary for 2020 this afternoon. And a load of Xmas food. Only home 90 minutes then out for more presents. Back home by quarter to six. Unpacked. Put on my old rags and made a fish fingers and grilled potatoes tea. After that I did some online stuff then at eight o’clock back up to Consett for a third shopping haul. Tesco are doing 29p each veg again. Got everything but the meat and roasties. Got an extra little present for Mam but might give it for her birthday on Boxing Day. No presents wrapped today. Struggling to meet the midnight journal deadline. I have an itchy lip, anticipate a Christmas coldsore. Bastard! Ready for bed methinks. 11.55 pm.

Saturday 21st December 2019

Got a bit stressed on the phone to Mam and Ernie today. I don’t really like Christmas and dread the hassle every December. Bought more presents in Consett then tidied the kitchen. Defrosted the freezer. Put the bikes away – tight squeeze. Listened to Billy Joel and read articles on why Labour voters switched to Tory. 11.05 pm.

Sunday 22nd December 2019

Late rise. Political rant for morning pages. Scrolled Facebook for a while. Didn’t tackle the kitchen till eleven.  Hoovered the passageway then decided it would be better to just put down more matting. Not the straightest I’ve ever cut carpet but the two pieces will do. De-cluttered the living room and found notes for tax return in the process. Had a lie down. Cleaned the bathroom. Wrapped family presents. 11.40 pm.

Monday 23rd December 2019

STEVE ACHIEVES #357

Bought cooked meat for the feast. And vegetarian substitute. Put cards through neighbours’ letterboxes twenty-four hours earlier than my usual Christmas Eve last-minute dash. Contemplated the decline of so-called western civilisation – yet still able to muster a glimmer of hope for the future. Redrafted these words about twenty times but tonight this is as good as it’s going to get. Cheers!

Tuesday 24th December 2019

Good to get the rest of the house tidy. Listened to lots of Lady Gaga. Particularly enjoyed the ‘A Star is Born’ soundtrack. I’m keen to see the film. Clearing up took a good while. Trashed quite a lot of college papers I could have kept but just wanted to get done with as little hassle as possible. Computer desk cleared. Books stacked. Anomalies paper and cardstock sorted. Got trash into the bin without going outside – thanks, Jenni. Got some fresh clothes out to combat the cold. Wearing my Venom sweatshirt. Got it in 2005. Jenni says I should wear it in Newcastle. Geordie Black Metal! Jenni has got the telly to work again. The Tiger Who Came to Tea, celebrity quiz show and Goggle Box. Ate pizza and potato wedges. Canny night. 11.00 pm.

Wednesday 25th December 2019

Half past ten on the laziest day. Me and Jenni are bigly tired from all the mega eating. We didn’t do as big a dinner as some of our first Christmases but still super substantial. Took Jenni two sittings to finish hers. We kept it low-key on the presents. Jenni got me ‘Hugh Fearlessly Eats’ by Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall, ‘Little Miss Naughty Worries Mister Worry’ and a box of Toffifees. I got her ‘Reluctant Adult’ by Katie Kirby, some thermals and socks, biscuits and chocolate. Mam and Ernie got me a new tablet but unfortunately I already have one. They got Jenni a great digital radio. Smellies and money from Diane and Kyle. We watched top Christmas songs . Spoke to Mam and Ernie on the phone. Very sleepy this evening. The Two Ronnies Down Under is on telly. I might get a bag of crisps for supper. 10.44 pm.

Thursday 26th December 2019

Got some gaps in this journal/diary filled but still a lot to copy up before the end of the year. Had some red pepper soup and listened to Absolute Rock on Jen’s new digital radio. Been lazing about most of the day. Rang Mam this evening and said Happy Birthday. She was out with Ernie at Boundary Mills earlier. Me and Jenni had Christmas pudding and watched a few episodes of Coronation Street online. Susan Hill’s Ghost Story on C5 was disappointing. Jenni said it was full of visual horror clichés – drowning in bathrooms, creepy kids with toys, flashbacks, nightmares and dead selves, etc. Going to get some cheese on toast for supper. 11.15 pm.

Friday 27th December 2019

Up quite early. Read some of ‘Amsterdam and Portland – Two Friends Talk About Their Cities’ Somnambulist #27 perzine from Martha Grover and David Small. Spent quite a bit of the morning doing copy-ups. Fishing out old notes and being transported back to earlier months. This afternoon me and Jenni watched the Christmas episodes of Coronation Street. Had spicy bean burgers and grilled potatoes for tea. Tried to watch The Chase on TV but the reception is shit. Tonight we watched Cold Call on C5 player plus one episode Jenni sourced elsewhere. Enjoyed the drama. Sally Lindsay was good. I have downed two-thirds of a jar of Quality Street – with a little help from Jenni. Ate a considerable amount of Red Leicester today. Had a cheese and pickled onion toastie, just to be sure. Steve Achieves involved Jenni’s sweet chilli TUC biscuit fixation. We didn’t go out today because the weather was shit. But it’s been a canny day. 11.06 pm.

Saturday 28th December 2019

THANKS: to Mam and Ernie for another visit this morning. Pleased they got to see Jenni and vice versa. Thanks for gift money instead of Amazon Fire tablet. Thanks to Jen’s mam and Papa John for slippers and massive calorific intake. Enjoyed the big bus trip. 11.23 pm.

Sunday 29th December 2019

Can’t remember much of this morning. Oh, hang on, I re-read all the encouraging comments on STEVE ACHIEVES#14 before keying in almost a month of stuff. Knocked off at half-five and watched a Robert Smith interview in which he states how strongly he hates royalty. And churning out songs for the sake of it. But a decade between albums is a canny stretch, mind. I read some stuff about McDonald’s by Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall. And some vintage poetry pamphlets. Made a ‘To-Do’ list for next year. 11.05 pm.

Monday 30th December 2019

Spent a couple of hours trawling through my STEVE ACHIEVES posts on Facebook from yesterday back to August. In addition to the 130 people who kindly responded to an earlier post (highlighted above) over eighty more people checked out my stuff. I listed 213 people who took the time to read me. I wrote my end of the year personal review for tomorrow and edited the current blog post. By four o’clock this afternoon my head was throbbing. I took two ibuprofen and gulped down a cup of blackcurrant squash then lay on the bed for a couple of hours. I thought the evening meal might help me feel better – cheese and pickle sandwich, ready salted crisps, banana and a sweet mince pie – but to no avail. I avoided the computer most of the evening and watched Salem’s Lot on DVD instead. Three hours without falling asleep, puking up or taking a toilet break. 10.13 pm.

Tuesday 31st December 2019

I don’t want to have to get out of bed before writing this entry so I hope there’s enough ink in the gel pen to cover three morning pages. And I hope my bladder holds out for half an hour. I have been looking forward to this day for months now. It’s always great to find closure at the end of the year. I am hoping to get out for a little walk later today. I’ll probably end up in Bridgehill, my original stomping ground.

This year has been pretty good. Some great things fell into place. Getting my poetry collection out in January was a big boost. It contains some of my best performance pieces and a few quiet introspective pieces. I got some great gigs off the back of it. I rode my longboard a few times and stayed fairly fit with regular bike rides. Delivered some good workshops, hosted some mint Poetry Jams, had lots of laughs with Jenni, finished a long book project and got paid to scare people throughout October again. And I survived the festive season.

For 2020 there won’t be many deadlines. No ‘fingers crossed, hope the Wifi holds out while I get this post online’ and no checking Facebook every day. If I can write quietly I will, rather than ranting much of the time. But I’m not putting any parameters on what I do.

In a few weeks time, I’ll turn fifty. There won’t be a big party. I’d like to celebrate by riding a longboard down Derby Drive – but the weather will probably be awful; and as TV Smith is playing Newcastle the night before I probably won’t be home anyway.

Ironic I should share a birthday with Robbie Burns yet have no interest whatsoever in the work of the world’s most famous Scottish poet. I also share the big day with Tom Paulin, Somerset Maugham, Virginia Woolf and John Cooper Clarke. But I pay little attention to their work either. Although I did enjoy Paulin’s critical feedback on BBC2’s ‘Late Review’ back in the nineties – before the internet, when my portals to the world of art and literature were TV documentaries, radio broadcasts, marathon Saturday browsing sessions in Waterstones and the Observer newspaper on Sundays. I never went to university, I’m not an academic, but it has been stated by more than one person that my auto-didactic twenties were almost a degree in themselves. I try not to dismiss formal education; I have learned many things from great minds with strong academic grounding. Higher Education just wasn’t the path for me.

Last night I watched a TV adaptation of Stephen King’s horror novel Salem’s Lot. He was the go-to scaremonger when I was a teenager.

After the film, I watched a Samuel Beckett documentary on iPlayer. I first encountered Beckett’s work in my mid-twenties. Minimalist, self-referential, hermetic, obscure, difficult – yet totally universal. The human condition under the microscope.

I don’t do horror fiction and I’m not a playwright. At present, I don’t like to label what I do beyond calling it ‘writing’. I like ‘diarist’ coz there’s no implication of merit, no measure of quality. Just routine. And endurance. Just turning up every day at the page and putting down what happened, what you did or remembered. Or what was most relevant. A lot of the time I can’t remember what happened. I omit the very bit that others witnessed and found most striking from my random movements or carefully considered actions.

Today can’t be over quick enough. For no other reason than I want to log my last little achievement of 2019 and be done with the year. Put it up on social media, as the challenge set by Ms Pascoe requires, and be over the finishing line. Then I can breathe easy for a while and think about editing later.

I want a new computer/printer set-up as soon as possible so I can run off copies of my handmade poetry and prose books at my leisure. I like the craft of making books as much as – if indeed not more than – the actual writing process. Anyone who has the misfortune to suffer a full two-week volume of my morning pages will know this. Every year I say I’m not going to write about writing or about bookmaking but much of my pre-breakfast scribble is metawriting – reflecting the obsession with self-documentation. I don’t give a toss if what I do is deemed self-indulgent. I read books to spend time with the authors, to peek at the mind inside. I don’t care so much about plot and characterisation – unless presented as the personal experience of the writer.

So, as I approach fifty I still prefer autobiography, however mundane, to fiction. In the past, I’ve been warned by the well-intentioned about living life as a science project. Now, I mainly just do what needs to be done to survive and document as best I can along the way.

Poetry is its own reward. A rare gift. I no longer pine for verse. It comes and goes as it pleases.

Let’s see what 2020 brings… 8.41 am.

I posted the above morning pages on Facebook earlier today and they have been better received than expected. They weren’t intended as my end of year review. I wrote that yesterday and will post it later tonight about this blog post. Talk about metawriting… After dinner – my final cheap and nasty mince and onion pasty with 13p spaghetti hoops – I took a walk over to Bridgehill. Got a better-written account of it than expected and put it online as my final STEVE ACHIEVES. I reposted the Writing Marathon info as well. There are still six places up for grabs. Perhaps today wasn’t the best time to post it. People are looking forward to end of year celebrations, or busy doing the rounds on social media. Today is my last big Facebook day for a while. I’m relieved to have survived 365 days of posting. I’m done in. I doubt I’ll even bother with NaPoWriMo in April. I might do some Hometown Slog each month instead. Leave the house after breakfast armed with a one hundred page notebook and don’t return home until you’ve filled it. Sights, sounds, memories, lists, rants, whatever. Jenni is coming back to Moorside this evening. I’m finishing off my admin so I can breathe easy for the rest of the night. It’s been a good year, with some bad shit in it too. I hope I can ‘keep it going’ throughout 2020. Hope you ‘keep it going’ too. 6.29 pm.