JUNE

Monday 1st June 2020

Awake to see the WiFi come back on at 20 to six this morning. I messaged Jenni a couple of hours later after a bit more sleep. She sent me links to info on TalkTalk outage due to overload, from all the peeps working from home presumably. Got some notes edited on the tablet and read bits of Dreich magazine and National Association of Writers in Education magazine. I currently have absolutely no inclination towards online workshops whatsoever. Unfortunately, I lack that move with the times attitude; I wear nine year old trainers, ride a fourteen-year-old bike, still own a video recorder and mono cassette recorder, and live in a house that hasn’t been decorated since 1997. I’m not doing Zoom or Skype. Fuck it! I keep seeing bands optimistically announcing live dates for pre-2021. Not going to happen, man. I had a good chat with a school friend’s dad in the middle of the woods this afternoon then rode more singletrack. I’m starting to push harder gears on the inclines, getting better traction. Tonight I read more Dreich and NAWE. Aiming to catch Newsnight but struggling to stay awake. 10.02pm.


Tuesday 2nd June 2020

I couldn’t hear Mam very well on the phone. She had to shout brother Mark’s address so I could send him a book in which he is name-checked and a copy of Mountain Biking UK. She said Ernie was down the allotment, making the most of the weather before it turns rotten. I’ve dreaded heavy rain every summer since my house was flooded in 2009 – I’d been laughing at the lightning during a workshop at Lamplight Arts Centre; an hour later a neighbour saw water gushing out my front door. Eleven years later the drains two streets away are still filled with dirt. This morning I sat on the rocks again at Parkhead Station, my back to the sun drying out my sweaty t-shirt, while I munched peanut butter sandwiches. Too tired to risk any balancing acts on big obstacles today. I freewheeled most of the way home. Had a substantial tuna, egg and potato salad. I’m cursing bike manufacturers for phasing out 26-inch wheels. But, after fourteen years, I can be forgiven for desiring a new machine. Perhaps I’ll need a proper job next year. Hopefully not. 10.24pm.


Wednesday 3rd June 2020

Put the big computer on but got little done. My head is in bike world. I think I’ve seen a bike I like, but it will be a long while before I can afford it. I had a message from Jenni. Pleased her mam has been offered a flat near to Jen’s place. I tried to work on some writing but white-heat drafts revisited in the cold light of day sometimes aren’t what you thought they were. I think I’m done as a writer, to be honest. I only produce a few decent poems a year. I will try to put a little something together for international zine month, even though I recently said I’m reluctant to call anything of mine a ‘zine’. Tonight I read more bike reviews. It’s annoying to think you’ve found something then discover it’s not compatible with standard components – just like the early days all over again. But instead of shop adverts in magazines there’s the whole internet to get sucked into. Strange, I’m so low-key in my spending, but bikes are a weakness. I will try to focus on books a bit more over the next few of days. Pleased I got some light weight-training done this evening. Been so lethargic most of the day. Trying not to snack too much. Think I’ll be out for a food haul tomorrow. 10.39pm.


Thursday 4th June 2020

More funds in the bank today. Lots of people blissfully ignoring social distancing. And what the fuck were two stewards directing traffic into McDonalds drive-thru for? “Are people so desperate to eat shit?” Sometimes the words just slip out. I got a few things in Barry’s Bargain Superstore then went down to Tesco. Some long queues in a couple of aisles. I haven’t seen Jenni for nearly three months. We have toyed with the possibility of a socially distanced meet-up before the end of the month. She is keeping on top of all the domesticity, which isn’t the case with me at this end. Tonight I re-read the ‘Rough Stuff Fellowship’ article in Singletrack mountain bike magazine and chuckled at the luddites. I gazed longingly at photographs of the Sonder Frontier SX Eagle rigid mountain bike. I’m going to read some zine extracts before the light goes out. It’s been an okay day, even if a little chilly. 11.05pm.


Friday 5th June 2020

April showers in June. I got out on the Rockhopper for a couple of hours. Found some lines I wanted to ride at Allensford but was a bit off-balance today. When I got home I realised that I’d only drank half a cup of blackcurrant squash since breakfast, so maybe that had something to do with it. I’m looking forward to receiving and fitting a new handlebar and stem combo on the trials bike. I will use it next week to try the lines I wasn’t confident trying on a high top tube bike. Always thought the 19-inch Rockhopper was a bad choice. I should have gone for the 17-inch version. The stand over height would have been much better and I could have put a slightly longer stem on it. Sick of talking about bikes. I wanted to go for the rest of my food shopping today but the weather has been all over the place. I tried to read some poems but either couldn’t concentrate or just wasn’t interested. Instead I checked the geometry of a Sonder Frontier bike against what I’ve already got, but still none the wiser as I’ve never ridden on 27.5-inch wheels… It’s pissing down again and forecast to be bad for the whole weekend. Fucking summer and the wind is whistling through the eaves. 11.17pm.


Saturday 6th June 2020

Woke up this morning, right shoulder in lots of pain. Spent the day at the big machine. Got some words typed up good to go. Posted a surreal little vignette online from January’s writing marathon. Had a very brief video chat with Jenni but kept losing connection. I’m hoping my shoulder will be okay in a day or two. Weather picked up tonight. Could have been out but wanted to crack on with the typing. Hoping I can pull a booklet together. Do about twenty copies. Have been well wrapped up coz it’s been chilly. Have three upper layers on and a woolly hat. Bed soon. 11.20pm.


Sunday 7th June 2020

Pain is sporadically annoying and can affect my arm, back and left shoulder throughout the day. Looks like I might need some big time out. Weather is set to be poor for a week, so I’m not missing much. Good chat with brother Mark on the phone tonight, despite faulty landline. I’m hoping to get into a few books this week. Android tablet is being a pain – went off six times tonight. Looking at buying a new one. Saw the pictures of the slave trader statue being toppled and dumped in the harbour. Hardly surprising, what the fuck were people thinking by having it there in the first place. Racism as cultural heritage? Trafficker as icon? – FUCK OFF! I watched Stephen King’s IT chapter two tonight. Good sequel but the underground bit went on too long for me. I’ve got a long week ahead with no fun rides. Jenni says definitely rest the shoulder for a while. Mark, too. My body is a brittle wreck. 11.15pm.

Monday 8th June 2020

Got a zine called Opinionated Nobody #14 through the door today. Read it all in one sitting. Themes included beds, vegetarianism, artists who fall from grace, and body piercing. I fished out a few pieces from my back catalogue as a response and wrote a thank you. Will post tomorrow. My ‘Inspired’ handlebars and Trialtech stem arrived from Tarty Bikes this afternoon. I had to fit new brake cables o make the levers reach the increased height and width. Feels like a regular mountain bike or, dare I say it, an oversized BMX up front now. Much more comfortable and when my stupid shoulder gets back to normal I’ll be able to go for a ride on it down by the river. This evening I did some leg exercises and looked through writing marathon pieces typed up at the weekend. I’m hoping to get at least one little zine thing out for next month. I tried reading on the couch but fell sleep. At least the android tablet hasn’t been acting up today. I am going to try to stay awake for Newsnight but will probably nod off. Chuffed with how the Onza Hitman bike looks now. I must get a big magazine research day sorted. Need to get some poems out this summer. 10.59 pm.

Tuesday 9th June 2020

Did some tests as shown online to determine the state of my right shoulder. And it would appear there is an impingement. Not sure if I’ve torn a tendon or if the joint is dodgy. I got really aggravated about it. I checked out some treatments and found a bunch of physio exercises to do daily. It’s best to keep the arm/shoulder active to prevent it seizing up. Went out for a straight line ride to Swalwell on the cycle track. Came straight back. 26 miles? Arm was okay. Hasn’t been so bad tonight. I took a second lot of ibuprofen. Watched some of last year’s world outdoor mototrials on YouTube. Read up on conservative population control and survival of the fittest. I’d certainly perish. This evening I finally got round to watching Bathory starring Anna Friel as the bloodthirsty Countess of Hungary. Good to hear from Jenni today. She is sorting out carpets for her mam’s flat. I am going to watch Newsnight, take more ibuprofen and hopefully sleep well. Keep waking way too early. This year is a write-off. 10.28 pm.

Wednesday 10th June 2020

Got the big computer on to look at pieces for the next publication. I want it to be A6 but I won’t get much material in it at that size unless the font is really small. I wanted to do a handwritten book. The weather has been shit. Looked at some mountain bike training exercises for core strength. Side plank is out for me – well, right side – till my shoulder heals. As of this weekend single people are allowed to stay with another household but it won’t benefit me and Jenni. 50% of live venues may be forced to close if things aren’t sorted soon. Been watching Pistols, Banshees and Motorhead videos this evening. Hopefully me and Jenni can meet up soon. 10.29 pm.

Thursday 11th June 2020

No queue at Poundland or Tesco. There’s a new Mountain Biking UK magazine out but once in fourteen years was enough. Carried three bags of shopping. Shoulder seems a bit better. I could do the arm raise that was previously causing me grief. No biking today. Good to see Olivia Hyde’s online ‘songs by request’ show from a couple of weeks ago. Great to hear The Man With The Child In His Eyes, Thank God I’m Pretty and True Colours among the covers plus a bunch of her own Bad Pollyanna and solo songs. I did some leg exercises and some very light weights. But no overhead lifting. Jenni was in touch. I’m sick of let’s get the economy going but you can’t sit in the same room as loved ones you don’t live with. When the House of Commons is full for a fucking fortnight then you can get economy going. Hopefully back on the bike this weekend. Newsnight on at present. Wish I hadn’t bothered. 11.25pm.

Friday 12th June 2020

Ali from Waddington Street Centre says she is working on logistics for opening up the building in due course. I wonder when that will be. I sent a bunch of prompts for one of the service users. I made a 120-page A5 spined notebook this morning. I’m hoping to pull enough random material together for a book that size. Struggling to stay focused at the keyboard. Jenni is sick of people who don’t socially distance in shops. I watched a documentary about medical negligence/corporate manslaughter in a New York hospital. Listened to Marilyn Manson, John Grant and Nirvana. Arm’s feeling a bit better. Pleased I didn’t go to the docs coz I think I’ll be alright in due course. Hoping to get out on a bike this weekend. I tried doing some double-footed jumps but only managed about sixteen inches high. Not that I’ll need to do much bike hopping. I’m trying to not eat too much. Hope to get into town tomorrow. 10.31pm.

Saturday 13th June 2020

Shaved, took ibuprofen for shoulder. Found some bone broth amongst the tins of red pepper soup at Barry’s Bargain Superstore. Got home sweating coz the leather jacket was a layer too many. Jenni messaged. She has got the fridge her mam needed. Read an article about a hospital issuing Do Not Resuscitate orders on Covid-19 patients with learning disabilities. Watched a load of Motorhead documentaries. Saw the band at Spennymoor Leisure Centre in 87 and at Newcastle City Hall in 89. I haven’t done much good stuff for a while. Hungry, thirsty. Tired. 11.13 pm.

Sunday 14th June 2020

Spending more time reading doom and gloom then counteracting it with musical nostalgia on YouTube. Had a canny chicken dinner. Good to get out on the bike but way too muddy in places after the rain. Might try again tomorrow on the trials bike. Watched two Queen documentaries. One was narrated by Henry Rollins. I filled in a live music questionnaire, but not optimistic about venues reopening – or visiting any if they do open. I don’t mind supermarkets and selected shops but at a gig you take your spot and stay there for a couple of hours – sweat, saliva, body traffic – impossible really. Shit seeing a band in a socially distanced venue as well. Good to chat online with Jenni. The more live music footage I watch the more gutted I am about social distancing. Bastard virus. I bet it came out of a fucking lab. Bet AIDS did as well. Tinfoil, what? 11.02pm.

Monday 15th June 2020

Got out on my trials bike with the new shorter stem and higher, wider handlebars. Rode for about an hour with a thirty-minute walk either side of it. No punctures, no injuries. Got through a couple of rocky sections – stuff I failed to do on the big bike a fortnight ago. Hands didn’t cramp. No backache. Kept the bike up on the back wheel to drop off a ledge. Great morning. Sleepy afternoon. Chicken curry with rice and chips for tea. Made up a new morning pages book. This evening I watched a Metallica show from Manchester Etihad Stadium. Fucking awesome. They played in the pissing rain. Sad But True, For Whom the Bell Tolls, Master of Puppets, Creeping Death, Seek and Destroy… Only a few of the songs were unfamiliar, despite my not hearing a new full studio album since 1996. I don’t know Lords of Summer but the final encore of Nothing Else Matters and Enter Sandman was great. 11.00pm.

Tuesday 16th June 2020

Keep finding myself falling asleep when I try to read from the page on the couch. Of course it could just be that I choose to pick up a book after a big meal and it’s the grub in my belly that’s making me nod off, not the printed food for thought… I was in town today. Some non-essential shops have reopened but not all. I’m in no hurry to browse. I’m pleased Boyes is open, though. I’ll need some decent glue sticks and sewing thread soon. It’s time I had another booklet in the bag. Managed to read YOUR PRETTY FACE IS GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL #27. It’s a canny little zine. Everyday perzine stuff: working from home, damaging a toe, making curry, crowd-funding for a new printer, lousy bus journeys and job insecurity, looking forward to pizza from a new oven… Well, quite normal. I enjoyed it. Much of it read like morning pages. I don’t think I could ever get round to illustrating my rambles with cut and paste pix. I don’t think that’s my thing. A few photos perhaps. But not full-on ransack the magazine rack with scissors or download the clip art. I read some Bukowski – awful line breaks, a few really good poems though. Hope there’s no rain tomorrow. I want to get the grass cut. 10.40pm.

Wednesday 17th June 2020

Yay! The sun came out and dried the grass. I had to pull up loads of really long nettle infested clumps at the edges. Set my shoulder off a bit. Probably going to be a recurring thing. Can’t leave grass for ages in summer. Been laughing at some of Jen’s posts. She hates shopping. I think many people will give up on it now, actually. I don’t need anything major at present except food. I haven’t been able to focus on work much. Tonight I a 50 yr old biketrial rider on YouTube was the inspiration I need to keep trying. The old Onza Hitman bike is good enough for the low-level obstacles I want to ride. I think weak joints and lack of agility are just part of my make-up. Going to get a bowl of porridge and a glass of lemonade and watch Newsnight. 10.44pm.

Thursday 18th June 2020

I got a couple of sessions at the keyboard today for the next book. I also tried handwriting a few A6 pages. Still unsure. Will see how much material is good to go by July. Jenni has cut her hair to shoulder length. I watched a Depeche Mode documentary, listened to their ‘Violator’ and ‘Music for the Masses’ albums. I would like to read a DM biography sometime. No bike ride today. I will do a short one tomorrow if the weather allows. 10.40 pm.

Friday 19th June 2020

Stupid fucking internet isn’t working properly. The blue connection button on the hub is lit but there isn’t enough power to open a website. Been like that all day. Rode round Consett then over to Stanley and back. Had fish fingers and chips then read seven stories from Gary McMahon’s collection ‘How To Make Monsters’. Some of the stories are set in Newcastle. It’s been a change not hogging the computer. Watching Zodiac on DVD tonight. 9.40 pm.

Saturday 20th June 2020

Well at least we’re not as far gone as the poor fuckers in ‘28 Days Later’. I was expecting full-on zombie but it wasn’t overkill. Enjoyed it. Set in England, small cast, not too long. I bought it for research purposes prior to the 2018 Terror in the Trees shows but never got round to watching it. Canny night. Good to hear from Jenni. I’m going over to her place on 29th if the weather is okay. She will be busy moving her mam into the new flat next week. Bought more food this morning. Had a ride up to Parkhead Station this afternoon – did it all on one gear. It was good to hear ‘Opheliac’ by Emilie Autumn again after tea. Saw her twelve years ago at Sheffield Corporation. It was a brilliant gig and I got some good writing from the trip (including Fuck Hotels). I have had two chicken meals today. I’m full of wind. Been eating nuts and cherries. Going to get cheese on crispbread for supper. 11.10 pm.

Sunday 21st June 2020

Checked out some bikes and an Ali Clarkson biketrial video this morning. Looked at some zine stuff. Listened to Sopor Aeternus and the Ensemble of Shadows. Didn’t do leg exercises tonight. Getting worse at the computer. Only keyed in a few short entries. Spent more time listening to music. Eclectic as ever. Depeche Mode then Venom. Read some band interviews, watched some video clips, talked to Mam and Ernie on the phone. Facebook messages to Jenni. Watched a Jeff Lenosky bike video. And promo clips for Skyway wheels and ACS Z rims. Way off track with my stuff. Fuck it. 11.30pm.

Monday 22nd June 2020

Good to find myself a bit more focused at the computer today. Slowly going through the notebooks. Coming to the end of February. I’ve done March as a separate project, so I’ll move on to April. No idea how it will turn out. My soundtrack for today has been Geordie heavy metal band Venom. This evening I watched Lords of Chaos. It’s based on the book of the same name which allegedly is the most inaccurate account of the Norwegian Black Metal Scene, but made for an engaging film. Jen has been online. The carpets are down in her mam’s flat. Cooker and fridge freezer installed. Her mam will be moving in this week. I didn’t bike today. Think being at the computer all day is making the right shoulder ache more. And some of my neck as well. I will do more exercises tomorrow. Haven’t seen TV news for a while. Chuffed the WiFi has stayed on all day. Aim to get out on the bike in the morning. 10.36 pm.

Tuesday 23rd June 2020

God little ride out this morning. Just along the river to Shotley Bridge and back. Stayed in the same gear all the way, standing on the pedals for the hill climbs. Back home in 45 minutes. I didn’t do any typing today. Just read some news articles and music related pieces. Listened to some Black Metal bands and Depeche Mode. Also a bit of Mortiis. Cheese and onion sandwich for dinner. Big tuna egg and potato salad for tea. I see the Gov are easing coronavirus restrictions. The death rate isn’t any better than when lockdown started. Half the tests haven’t been sent back. And pubs are opening on 4th July. I bet things fuck up by about the 14th. Was tempted to buy a black metal book. I find the whole transition from standard heavy metal into something more brutal rather intriguing but most of the bands are fucking awful. And for half the ones that don’t sound bad a lyric sheet is still essential to understand what the fuck they are screeching on about. But I’m interested in the history. Same as I am interested in the history of grunge. Or the history of punk rock. I wanted to watch TV news tonight but the fucking tablet won’t stream it on iPlayer. 11.17pm.

Wednesday 24th June 2020

Sometimes feel like just saying fuck it, I’m done with writing. It’s been ages since I’ve produced anything really good. I sit at the machine with a notebook and I just go nah, this is all bullshit. I suppose being stuck in one place all day doesn’t help. Been reading up on heavy metal. Some of the more extremely suspect elements of the black metal brigade are not people to be associated with. This evening I watched the evolution of heavy metal series online and it’s really good. Robert Johnson, Howlin’ Wolf, Elvis, Little Richard, Zeppelin, Wagner, Black Sabbath, Pavarotti, Judas Priest… All sorts of stuff. I’m two episodes in and want to watch more. In the last couple of hours the house has got really hot. I will be sleeping on top of the bed tonight. I haven’t biked today. Might have to go about five in the morning before things get too sweltering. The good weather is set to last till Friday. I’m hoping to get out for food tomorrow. 10.34pm.

Thursday 25th June 2020

The shopping was heavy. My left arm is a bit sore. Was tempted to ride the bike but already knackered after two and a half hours walking. I bought a card for Jenni for our tenth anniversary and wrote a little letter. Posted them this afternoon. Watched last night’s Newsnight and had a lie down. I made a salad. Baked potatoes were good. Might make a few salmon sandwiches to take out tomorrow. Would like a fairly big bike ride, maybe Bishop Auckland and back. Computer off tonight. I looked through Gavin Baddeley’s The Bible of Filth book. A stunning compendium of the occult and gothic horror influences of extreme metal band Cradle of Filth. Took over an hour and a half just to leaf through the five hundred pages – only read a few side bars. Hot again tonight. Hope to be asleep before twelve. 11.10pm.

Friday 26th June 2020

I couldn’t find an off-road trail from Crook to Bishop Auckland so just used the main roads. Ate my packed lunch in the empty market place. Used the Brandon/Bishop path on the way back and luckily it connected with the Lanchester Valley path. I’ll know for next time. Took ages to get home from Lanchester on account of the heat. Lay down for a while. Then I went online but a thunderstorm knocked out the electricity so I’ve been reading horror and looking for financial paperwork. 9.59pm.

Saturday 27th June 2020

This evening I had another look at The Gospel of Filth. It’s a brilliant book with loads of little ‘factoids’ about gothic England. My left leg is still aching from yesterday’s ride. Pins and needles in left wrist. Hope I sleep better tonight. It’s cooler now. More chicken and apple sauce sandwiches for supper. 9.38pm.

Sunday 28th June 2020

Good to hear from Jenni. I’m going over to Gateshead tomorrow for a couple of days. Good to speak to Mam and Ernie. Had a curry. This afternoon I keyed in some stuff but can’t remember much else. Mainly read music articles. Had chicken sandwiches. Got my tax assessment figures done. I listened to Aklash, Old Corpse Road, Fen, The Infernal Sea, Forest of Stars and UK goth band Then Comes Silence. Keen to check out more music. It will be ages before gigs happen again. Hope I’m okay for rest of the year. 11.10pm.

Monday 29th June 2020

Up around six. Scribbled three pages and packed up a little bag to go to Jen’s place. The sky was grey and the air was damp. I thought I might get a soaking. The trees were good cover on the cycle path and I got a real buzz from the ride. It’s great to see Jenni. She gave me a little back-up android device for my bag and set it up for me. Her mam came over for part of the evening. She is pleased with all that Jenni has done for her in getting the flat sorted. It’s good of Jen’s landlady Janet to let me be in the house bubble. Saw two of Alan Bennett’s ‘Talking Heads’ on telly tonight. News is on. And lockdown back on in Leicester. Will be off to bed soon. 10.12pm.

Monday 30th June 2020

Had a lie in. The new device is really good for the Facebook stuff. Jenni made veggie burgers and chips for dinner. We watched hilarious music videos by The Lovely Eggs this afternoon. Jenni heard Hands off Gretel for the first time. I watched The Headbanger’s Journey but the end of the film was missing. Two more Talking Heads on TV tonight. Some are remakes and I’m familiar with the stories. Pleased to have the lovely lazy times with Jenni. 8.48pm.