Hitting Fifty

Monday 13th January 2020

From DIY publisher to IT illiterate in one computer upgrade. None of the programmes on the replacement are the same as the other machine. Not even Spotify! Jenni is going to do a bit more work on it tomorrow then show me how to work it on Wednesday. I did no work today. Tomorrow there’s a lesson at Waddington Street Centre and I’m lucky to have got it prepped prior to last week’s writing marathon. Jenni went to a federation of small businesses meeting in Durham this evening. I watched the Chris Packham punk programme. It was pretty good. Interviews with Jordan Mooney, Pauline Murray, Terry Chimes and numerous other early era punks. Jenni got back about eight. She had a good time. I fell asleep on the couch. I’ve read a few Facebook posts but basically lost momentum. Not what you need on the eve of a new term. Jen got some ace DM-style boots for three quid today. They look brand new. She bought me some chocolate cakes. Tonight, I’ve been a bit wiped out. Hopefully better tomorrow. 10.28 pm.

Tuesday 14th January 2020

The Hatton Garden Job is on telly. But the reception isn’t great, so it cuts out here and there. I’m not really watching it. Jenni is upstairs fixing programmes on the computer. She is doing a great job and I’m trying not to intrude. I know she doesn’t like me hovering about. It’s just as well I’ve been out most of the day. Going back to Waddy was a shock to the system; the office was a bit crowded and photocopying required stacking session handouts in the kitchen. Some of the staff have heavy colds and I’m hoping I don’t catch one. Only four in for the workshop but we had a good time. I took more material than necessary. We did journal trinkets and wish lists then focused on flash fiction by John Updike. After the session I got a bus to Gateshead, did some bank transactions, bought gel pens and a meat pasty. Then over the water to Newcastle to return a library book. An email told me it was due back nine days ago, but today I was told there’s no fine to pay. I borrowed ‘See Through Me’ by Kevin Brooks then headed for the bus station. I pit-stopped in Consett for a copy of Kit De Waal’s anthology Common People. Back home, I made Jenni a cuppa and a chip butty. The house is warm. I’ll probably be up till about midnight. Tomorrow I’ll be having IT tutorials with Jenni. Then, fingers crossed, I should be back in the writing game. 9.50 pm.

Wednesday 15th January 2020

Yay! Jenni sorted out the computer. She showed me how to import form the external hard drive, how to make folders in the new Outlook package. She installed a new PDF maker, made all the apps as ‘Steve friendly’ as possible. Then she blagged a half-price deal on my broadband. Down from 45 to 24 quid. Better speed WiFi; free calls that I was going to be charged twelve quid for. I rarely use the telephone… I loaned Jenni a black shirt today; ironed it for her and checked the buses for her return to Tyneside. She caught a bus to Newcastle for her shift in the Tyne Theatre bar. I had my first lengthy typing session since the PC upgrade; got used to the keyboard and new layout. I had a little Etsy browse through some UK perzines; I’m keen to order a few. But I have enough to read for a while. I may need a new laser printer soon but hopefully I’ll get a couple of books out of the current model. I reread some bits from NaNoWriMo 2015. Not a novel by any stretch but quite a lot of interesting stuff. There was enough Red Leicester left from the weekend to do a humble slice of cheese on toast. Before that I had some treacle tart. I am keen to crack on with stuff. I’ll do another lesson plan tomorrow and a prepare a poetry set for next Monday’s Consett Writers group. 11.43 pm.

Thursday 16th January 2020

Slow day. Hard to get out of the house. Lost my gloves. Lost my business cards – which I didn’t need but felt compelled to look for. I had them on Monday, but can I fuck find them now. I managed to get out the house ninety minutes after making initial movements to do so. Consett was okay. I did my bank transactions. Checked in at the cobblers – still awaiting arrival of new soles – hopefully Tuesday. I got some stationery and lots of food. I walked home in the drizzle. Hope my coat dries in a few days without the heating. I tried to restore files from the Kaboodle external hard drive, but I don’t have all the keystrokes and clicks. I will be putting a gig set together tomorrow for next week but my throat was sore today so I couldn’t rehearse. My file of previous sets is on the old computer… Chicken curry and rice with grilled potato slices for tea. I keyed in some notes for a web questionnaire then spent four hours editing the punctuation on the first answer. Only another nine to go. Most are written, they just need an edit. House is warm tonight. Eight degrees outside earlier this evening. I tried listening to Queen at the Rainbow. Spotify kept cutting it off but let me stream TV Smith all evening. Henry Rollins is supporting Frank Turner in Berlin. Wonder if he comes to England. Going to have another crack at ‘Common People’ tonight. 11.44 pm. 

Friday 17th January 2020

I got an email stating that my Consett library books are overdue – three days after the return date. Why no reminder on the final day? Like, at seven in the morning so I can stick them in my bag and not incur a fine. Besides that little annoyance, Friday has been pretty good. I gave Lorraine from Consett Writers the choice of a Laughter To Spit Glass launch-style set or a Best Of set. She opted for the latter. So that’s what I put together and rehearsed today. It’s 34 minutes long. I hope it goes okay. I pulled a few new poems out to play with. If I get to do more library sets this year I’ll use tried and tested, but I’d like to open mic new material for a year. And of course, any feature sets that come my way. I tried to read a poetry magazine this evening but fell asleep. After a lie down I watched a ‘Sex Pistols – What a Great Time to Live’ documentary on YouTube. Ian MacKaye from Fugazi and Rollins were in it. Then I watched a ‘precursor to goth rock’ documentary: Screaming Jay Hawkins, Velvet Underground, Nico, The Doors, Roxy Music, Eno, Bowie – into Bauhaus, Joy Division, The Cure, The Banshees… Enjoyed it. Online chat with Jenni. I’m staying home this weekend. I’ve had sniffles and sore throat. Took Beecham’s powders before run-through of poems today. I’m off to bed soon and will try to stay awake long enough to read some of the Common People anthology. Only been trying for the last three nights. 11.15 pm.

Saturday 18th January 2020

I scrolled Facebook and saw a link from American writer and zinester Jessie Lynn McMains to her Tiny Letter app. This morning I checked out footage of her performing ‘Postcard from a Hooker in Minneapolis’ at a Tom Waits tribute night. I read a bit of her new book-length poem ‘The Loneliest Show On Earth’ and the final chapter of What We Talk About When We Talk About Punk. The chapter was all about her love of Joe Strummer and The Clash. This afternoon I played a song-list of fifty Clash tracks on Spotify whilst reformatting some pages for Helen Steadman’s copy of Anomalies Deluxe. Only another four or five signatures to go. I might get them done before turning in for bed. I’m drinking hot chocolate and listening to The Cult. Earlier, Jenni gave me the info on new Evening and 24-hour bus tickets that will save us quite a bit of money this winter. Okay, I’m going to do my work-log then back to printing pages. 11.37 pm.

Sunday 19th January 2020

Long lie in at home today due to not getting to bed till three this morning after working till half-two. I’m pleased the laser printer did the book okay. Straight margins, good lettering. I folded the pages this afternoon with the Bowie Reality Tour DVD as a soundtrack while I worked at the dropleaf table. The same table I’ve been working at for almost 29 years. Later I fell asleep on the couch with a book in my hand. Will I ever get to read Common People? I’m overdue on an Aleister Crowley biography and a Kim Gordon (Sonic Youth) memoir. This evening I had to message Jenni to ask how to edit pix in the new word package. Straight forward once you know where to look. She sent me an advertisement for a bookmaking workshop. I’d like to run some, but I don’t own multiple sets of equipment. I could give demos and do some of the easier stuff – I’ve done some at Waddy and Mind. I made up some mini-zines tonight. I like little monographs. ‘(This is Not A) Prose Poem’ from ‘Laughter To Split Glass’. Not everyone can stretch to  a big book… I’m a bit tired now. My right thumb is hurting. The pen is a problem. I think my joints are knackered. But I’ve been saying that for over thirteen years since I first quit biketrial. I like making big books coz they are less repetitive in production. Tonight, I’m using a table lamp so I can see what I’m doing with the paperfolding. Tomorrow is a gig and a mini workshop with Consett Writers. 11.35 pm.

Monday 20th January 2020

A little manic this morning getting my stuff together for the library visit. I hadn’t shaved for nearly a week. The razor clogged with stubble and getting the bits out with a plastic brush tends to blunt blades. Also, shaving with no central heating in January is a chore. The walk into town was good. Loaded down with a bag of books and my poems for the reading. Had to take my coat off for the last part of the walk. A group of little schoolkids were in the junior library, right next door to the workshop room, so I couldn’t do my set until after half-two. I sat in on the exercise one of the group set: writing flash from a series of photographs. Hard to focus coz my aim was to perform, not write. Felt odd doing the poems coz half the group were familiar with the content already but it went okay. Good to preview a copy of Anomalies Deluxe afterwards. I got two orders for the standard version. I don’t expect to sell many of the Deluxe but it’s a good solid book. Stayed back in town for a drink with the writers and chatted about future workshop possibilities. Then I hit Tesco for two of the 75p chicken curry and rice. Ate one when I got home. Spent ninety minutes on a lesson plan for Waddy. Then watched a Rollins Band festival set from Bizarre Rockpalast circa 1999/2000. Sorted colour prints and USB stick for next books. Pleased to get through the day. 11.17 pm.

Tuesday 21st January 2020

Nice lie in. checked out book stuff before Waddy. Enjoyed reading stories and poems on the bus. One of the writers was a skate mum. Must remember to check out her blog. I had enough material left over from this afternoon to do next week’s session. Which is just as well coz I’m going to be busy. Our session today was mainly fiction. John Updike short story, different genres and outlets for work. Had a bit of a read-through of poems on the bus to Newcastle. Met up with Jenni. She bought me pizza and a Belgian bun for tea with a Greggs gift card. We wandered round the stationery shops then over to Byker for Babble Gum. Good to see a musically accompanied Pauline May poetry set. Her husband Steve did three Palestine poems. Comedy guy was canny. Marie Lightman had some surreal poems. Her son Alfred did a bit of spoken word about her in the open mic. Rosie Cole read a story about an understudy killing a lead actor in order to play the Dane. Ben Dawson Punshon was a great host. He even treated us to background music by Black Flag over the PA. Jenni was funny doing her haiku poems. Kay Grayson was amazing. I don’t usually enjoy hiphop/rap-influenced stuff but her songs had real singing with great rhythms and melodies. And she read a Bukowski poem! After the gig, me, Jenni and Simon bought pies at Sainsbury’s then talked music in the Head of Steam. I got the 11.31 back to Consett. OK. 11.49 pm.

Wednesday 22nd January 2020

In my little place all day. The deluxe book process is quite trying at times, but I like the end results, so I stick with it. Even the sew-holes were a bastard today. Soundtrack was mainly DVDs of Bowie live at Dublin Point Depot 2004 then Wayne Hussey solo gigs at Trinity Church in Leeds and The Carnegie in Workington. I was at Leeds and visible in the seated audience, but I don’t think I looked at the screen tonight for more than a few seconds. I’ve been working in artificial light. I still have about four or five signatures to sew up. I reckon another hour with needle and thread. I’ll leave the glue and endpapers till tomorrow. Jenni has been in touch with details of the TV Smith gig logistics. The bus leaves from directly outside her place. I’ll need a big Go North East ticket. Jenni hasn’t been to a TV Smith show before. I wonder what she’ll make of him. I’m looking forward to it. Last time I saw him was at The Soundroom just around the corner from Jen’s house. I’m concerned that I might get a cold after being in the Waddy staff kitchen amidst much coughing and sneezing yesterday. I’ll get another Beecham’s honey and lemon before I go to bed. Think I’ll finish off with The Best of Crowded House tonight. I’ll get some porridge before I pick up the needle again. I hope the book turns out okay. I might only have time to make about a dozen of the Deluxe this year. 11.00pm.

Thursday 23rd January 2020

Got word out to Citizens House in Consett that I’d like to do some creative writing workshops there this spring. Got an invitation from Mark Speeding of Gateshead Library to do another Meet the Author talk and feature set in April. I will do a Best Of poetry and prose set plus another reveal of Anomalies Deluxe with Q&A. Same as I did in Consett on Monday. Jenni has kindly been sending me various contacts to approach for work, which is ace. I wrote to one tonight. Also got some guidelines for mental health poetry submissions for Waddy Writers. Helen Steadman posted an ace interview with Ted Curtis online today. I ordered his novella The Darkening Light off the back of it. Tonight was a pain. I wish sellers of pre-cut A4 card would ensure the bastard is actually A4; I had to ditch some pink endpapers that were 3mm too narrow for a book block which can’t be trimmed, not by hand, anyway – and pro-guillotine wouldn’t be ‘handmade’ would it? I had to ditch denim as bookcloth coz the remaining piece was too small. I used light brown suede instead. I’m mid-way through the case-binding process but broke to get this entry down. It’s going to be one in the morning again. 10.55 pm.

Friday 24th January 2020

Good to see Mam and Ernie today. They gave me a fiftieth birthday card a day early. It had a fifty-pound note taped inside it. I took Helen’s book out of the press; it looks ace. It’s exactly the same size as the previous one, so I will be able to use mine to measure book jackets. Had a bit of a panic trying to get everything packed up for the big weekend. But it was okay. Got a little Barry’s Bargain Superstore stash; then some chicken fillets from the Heron shop, which I ate on the bus. Got the Ted Curtis novella. Looks good… TV Smith gig tonight was excellent. Think I prefer gigs in smaller venues, but he was on top form and loving the big crowd. He did loads of my favourite songs as well. Quite a few from Land of the Overdose. Saw Paul Summers and Rob Walton there. Jenni enjoyed the gig. TV did about seventy minutes. I got his lyric book afterwards and he signed it for me. The last one on the merch stand. Jenni says I should leave the price sticker on. We got the bus back from Walkergate. My ears aren’t ringing. Mint night. Massive thanks to Jenni for getting the tickets and travel sorted. Ace time.10.55 pm.

Saturday 25th January 2020

This morning Jenni presented me with a big chip butty – a huge tom sauce and potato filled stottie. Awesome breakfast. I have a tiger mug for hot chocolate and a Bukowski mug for hot Ribena. Jenni gave me a big hug on the landing, strategically standing so I’d see the big lion gift bag on the table as I nuzzled into her shoulder. She knows me well; my gifts included: Stephen King’s IT part 2 DVD; some Black Magic chocolates; Taveners Liquorice Allsorts; ‘We Are the Weirdos’ by Maranda Elizabeth – a novel about teen goths; plus a compilation of her zines – Telegram issues 1-27; I got not one but two Gillette travel razors; and a ‘mint’ Queen £5 coin in a presentation sleeve with vintage photos of the band. Lots of teen stuff for my 50th Birthday. Nice to get so many greetings on Facebook. And to be favoured over the Scottish poet (with whom I share my big day) by a Head of English. Me and Jenni watched Auf Wiedersehen Pet then toured Gateshead charity shops. Chilli-cheese and tomato baguettes for tea. Ate chocolates, watched The Voice. Ate rice cakes with peanut butter. Being fifty is all about the food. I’m looking forward to reading Maranda Elizabeth’s books. And watching IT. Jen bought a DVD film about a rock and roll bowls player: we often find odd films that become favourites; hopefully this is one of them. OK. 10.50 pm.

Sunday 26th January 2020

Bit of a lie in. Rice cakes and peanut butter for breakfast. Early episodes of Frasier. Then the TV Smith documentary. I’ve seen it before but good to watch it again. Jenni liked it. We had a lovely pie and veg dinner. This afternoon I had a bit of a nap. We watched a documentary about the making of Ribena – it’s a complex process to bring us the blackcurrant drink we’ve been downing every few hours since Friday evening. Jeni made us chip butties again using the remaining stotties from yesterday. A repeat episode of The Chase; Corrie cast split twenty grand for their four charities. I slept through most of Dancing on Ice; Caprice survived the skate-off. Then we watched Vera, which was partly set just over the water in Newcastle. It was pretty good. Jen doesn’t like Brenda Blethyn’s accent but said the story was okay. Caught a bit of the late news: a basketball player has died in a helicopter crash; the Chinese epidemic is getting worse; and there was a report on the 75th anniversary of the Holocaust, including an interview with one of the survivors who saw her mother shot by Nazis… We are now watching Breaking Dad: Bradley Walsh and son have abseiled down a gorge in Kentucky and are now going to spend a night in a haunted school; Alexander Armstrong’s narration makes all the trauma seem very hilarious. I’m going to get rice cakes and peanut butter for supper. It’s been another lazy day. OK. 10.30 pm.

Monday 27th January 2020

Bit of a lie in this morning. Had more rice cakes with peanut butter for breakfast then got myself ready for a morning out. Went to Tesco for supplies; checked finances at the bank; looked at stationery in Tesco and Poundland. Had a walk in the sun to Gateshead library. There was a problem with my card, but I got signed in as a guest for the computer and typed up some Waddy writing. Chatted with Mark Speeding about gig possibilities. Came back to Jen’s place around five. Had some Ravioli on toast, watched the news on the Holocaust memorial and thought how fucking awful humans can be. I got shaved with the new Gillette that Jen bought me for my birthday. Then we walked through the biting cold to the cashpoint. I paid Jen my half of the Microsoft Office subscription. We went to Station East for Arch Remarks. Hester Dowling, Jack English, Esther Redhouse White and Harry Gallagher. And some good open mic. Enjoyed Jen’s mam’s dark poetry. And host Sean Turner’s ace surreal comedy. Olya Bowers was good. So was Louise Young – all her Megabus stuff was funny. I did five minutes and my idea of hell went down very well, so it’s a keeper. Harry was very good. Some of the poems I’ve heard before, but always good to hear again. Got his English Jack pamphlet. Ken Brady offered me a feature set for February. I’d like to do all new or previously unpublished stuff. I need a gig for March. 11.45 pm.

Tuesday 28th January 2020

Surprised to see Jenni up and ready to leave the attic so early this morning. She had a temporary job hustle that she’d kept quiet about. I managed to get my stuff packed up and was away by half-nine. I bought a ream of 100gsm paper in Gateshead then went to Waddy. I read English Jack by Harry Gallagher twice – a powerful sequence of poems charting a character’s journey through abusive childhood to abusive and misinformed adulthood. I’m quite getting into the pamphlet-format again. But they aren’t easy to pull off. Smaller collections need to work well as an album, whereas a full-length book collection can take more risks, more twists and turns. I’d like to do a couple of smaller sequences this year. At Waddy I tweaked a couple of the students’ manuscripts, printed them out then developed a bit further, one to one, while the rest of the group did new writing from prompts. They’ve had enough theory for a while. We can get back to ‘outcomes’ next week. I started The Darkening Light by Ted Curtis tonight. But I got distracted and would prefer to read it all in one go. I listened to a bunch of Sarah Mary Chadwick songs via YouTube, having been intrigued by the Metro review of her new album ‘Please Daddy’ a couple of days ago. It took ages for Spotify to bring up her recordings. Based in Australia, she doesn’t appear to be an international touring artist. Maybe Nick Cave or Tim Minchin could bring her to the UK. I posted a thank-you for the weekend on Facebook and booked two guests for the March edition of Poetry Jam. 11.33 pm.

Wednesday 29th January 2020

Fucking cold. Couldn’t get to sleep for pains in my legs. House freezing all day. I got a book jacket made and fitted; the book is now wrapped up, good to go… I’ve been at the computer much of the evening trying to catch up on typesetting but it’s hard to type. And the computer seems to be running very slowly. So much for the superfast broadband I’m supposed to be getting at a discount. I read a TV Smith interview and got my pay log completed and confirmed by the college. I made a sausage and veg dinner. I read a load of gripes about Madonna: showing up late and cancelling concerts five minutes before they’re due to start; too old to perform gymnastics and no voice so just jack it in – all sorts of stuff and mainly from former diehard fans. I read some adverse comments about Spotify as well. I absolutely love it. I wouldn’t get to hear any new music if I didn’t stream it.  And I usually go to see the bands I stream anyway. I own CDs of quite a lot of the music but find it more convenient to just click a mouse and get instant stereo at the monitor, with no adverts coz I pay a monthly subscription. Anyway, I’m cold and tired. I’m going to heat up some cherry pie and custard after the work log is written then I’m off to bed. I will try to read more Telegram by Maranda Elizabeth. I aim to be up early to email submissions to a magazine and website. Sick of being behind. And winter can fuck right off. 10.15 pm.

Thursday 30th January 2020

Some days everything just catches up with you and you need to step back for a breather. Or in my case, a lie down coz the skull-grinder headache is too much and horizontal with Nurofen is the only way to avoid vomiting. I am nowhere near up to date with my workload but, today, for the first time in ages, I submitted new poems to a magazine. I will be looking for more outlets to target over the next few months. It was great to just sit at the screen with a few hundred words: arranging, tightening, making use of space – little visual tricks; being meticulous over line-breaks. Such a delight to see a passage in a notebook leap up and demand special treatment. I got up to last Friday’s notes but had to pull away, remove the glasses, put the fleece dressing gown around my legs and just lie down for a while. Sometimes my teeth grind and I get a sore jaw as well as splitting headache… I checked out horror author Michael McDowell today. And was tempted by the Toyah solo retrospective 7-cd box set on pre-order but resisted coz I can’t afford much of anything. I will need some toner cartridges in a few days to get the next couple of Anomalies Deluxe books made. My meeting at Citizen’s House has been moved from next Thursday to next Friday so I’m aiming to get two standard copies printed at Waddy at least. 10.24 pm.

Friday 31st January 2020

WiFi malfunctioned most of today. No emails. No web browsing. It prevented distractions, but I still haven’t caught up with the paperwork. I read a bit of Maranda Elizabeth’s Telegram. I got washed and shaved, ate bangers and mash then caught the twenty past seven bus to Consett. I sat with the Metro paper for 20 minutes. I didn’t read much of it – a Stephen Tompkinson interview and a Madonna at the London Palladium review. The X70 to Gateshead gave me free WiFi on the android tablet so I let Jenni know I was on my way. I reached Bensham just before nine. V for Vendetta came on telly around half-past – nothing to do with what’s happening at 11.00 pm, surely. I went out to do a little night shopping in the town centre. Near the interchange I saw a girl with her trousers round her ankles while her boyfriend kept guard as she relieved herself. In Tesco I thumbed ‘Vive le Rock’ and checked out Bowie, The Mission and numerous other bands then bought food. One the way out I heard people talking about how cold it was, but I felt warm. The wind was canny fierce, though. A teenager chased two bits of flyaway paper. I watched him dart and grab. He snatched one from the air but the other rose up high above his head and apprehending it looked unlikely. But gradually it came back down to the ground and the kid stamped on it. So lucky to get both tenners back. I returned to Bensham with an open coat and bare scalp. I felt the bag handles bite my hands. Ten minutes later, I climbed the steep narrow stairs to Pascoe HQ and made us both some hot chocolate. 10.54 pm.