FEBRUARY (PART ONE)

Saturday 1st February 2020

Up at ten. Did morning pages. Managed to keep off the work-related stuff and just wrote about music. Read a few poems by Martin Hayes, a Londoner published by Smokestack books. Great stuff. I was a bit delayed in getting out to buy chips and stotties for tea due to watching Auf Wiedersehen Pet. Amazing to think the series was first broadcast 37 years ago. Used to be a highlight of a Friday night. Jen didn’t go to work this evening. We watched three episodes of Britain by Bicycle then the evening talent shows. Enjoyed The Greatest Dancer and The Voice. The ITV news didn’t shed much light on Brexit but to be honest I no longer give a fuck about what mainstream media say these days; and anyway, until December it will all just be backbiting and conjecture, so fuck it. I’m focusing on my own stuff. I’m keen to put another collection of poems together. Keen to book more sessions. 10.46 pm.

Sunday 2nd February 2020

Read some of Ted Curtis’ book, The Darkening Light, for a while. Did a few scrolls of Facebook and reposted Poetry Jam stuff. I’ve seen The Forger before but canny good. Me and Jen went into town. Jenni is excellent at the big ultra-cheap food hauls. Back in the attic she had egg mayonnaise salad on baguette. I had a chicken salad sandwich. We watched Tipping Point, The Chase and Dancing on Ice. I watched an hour of Vera then left for the bus. Got to the stop at the bottom of Bensham bank then realised there are no Consett buses going that way on Sunday nights. I walked back up the hill, checked the timetable at School Street then went back to Jen’s for half an hour. I’m now on the 49A on an evening ticket to Metro Centre. It will be after midnight when I get home. Quicker to ride the bike. But cold. I’m hoping the internet works for me tomorrow otherwise I’m a bit stuffed for work. I will try to get up to date and get a blog post up for January. Then I’m sticking to fortnightly after that. Hopefully I’ll still be able to upload pix to Facebook on Friday. I am keen to get back to a decent routine. This bus will hit Metro just in time to catch the 45 that minutes earlier passed the Redheugh Garage near Jen’s place but doesn’t stop. Such a pain in the neck getting two buses. OK. 10.33 pm.

Monday 3rd February 2020

Had to use Lloyds bank free Wifi in Consett to get updates this morning. Got some food at Barry’s Bargain Superstore; then checked in at the cobblers, but my boots aren’t fixed yet – supplier sent wrong size soles. This afternoon I did a lesson plan for Waddy and got the blog post ready to go. Jen came over tonight and sorted the new TalkTalk hub for broadband in about twenty minutes. She’s on her own computer now. I’m on the couch. House is warm. I’m starting to trim journals back. More time for poems and reading other people’s work. 10.38 pm.

Tuesday 4th February 2020

Good session at Waddington Street Centre this afternoon: Dialogue, poetic licence – the right to write, character poems… Paper and Ink Literary zine arrived today. Read it cover to cover on the bus home. An international selection with beat/punk free verse and short stories mainly in the first person. At least half of it made me think I’m on the right track. Probably won’t hear about the fate of my submission for a few weeks at least. Jenni has done more work cleaning up and speeding up my computer. Got a nice message from Stephen Clark with a vignette about art/mental health. Jen sent a couple of job adverts. Exam invigilator and retail assistant. Got another message from Stephen with encouragement about transferable skills. Chilled out tonight, got instructions from Jen about the computer. I don’t remember things easily these days.  Oh well, I’m over fifty. Hope I can keep going. 11.25 pm.

Wednesday 5th February 2020

Didn’t get to sleep till the small hours so I was in a bit of a grump. After a day of trial and error at the computer I think I’ve got the knowledge to do all the things I’ve been doing on Windows XP for over a decade. Blown a few fuses along the way. Jenni has been very good considering my impatience and inability to adapt without a hissy fit. Some days I just find everything a big fucking chore. Six weeks into the year and I am merely treading water. No new opportunities. Uncomfortably pussyfooting about to get the bits done that I haven’t equipment to do at home. Looking forward to just being able to knock out pamphlets on 80/90gsm paper and come up with simple graphics on quality board for the covers. Made loads of files today for books but don’t think I’ll get much printed at Waddy tomorrow. If I get photo inserts done, I’ll be pleased. Might get a Deluxe book made next week. Got more colours sorted for dust jackets tonight. 11.23 pm.

Thursday 6th February 2020

Awake at half six. Up at half seven. Out just after nine into town for bank transactions and food. Back at eleven. Jen said she had work today. I had a quick lunch of spaghetti hoops and gristle pasty. Missed my connection for Durham coz Moorside bus was late. A woman at the stop had to get a taxi to keep a bank appointment. I messaged Jen on my tablet from the bank advising her to leave my place early for Newcastle. Bought a new gratitude journal at Boyes. Caught the 1.45 pm. Reached Waddy before half-two. Peter helped me massively with the printing. Two full copies of Anomalies standard, some spare inserts and pix for the next Deluxe all done in 25 minutes. I worked out costings, paid Peter then went into town for paper supplies. Jenni messaged to say her key wouldn’t lock my door from outside, so she was stuck at my place. Felt bad about that but got the word too late to go back. Did the notes for Poetry Jam, had tea; then selected poems to read. Great turn out. Canny open floor. All the guests were mint: Natalie Crick, Aidan Clarke and Jane Burn. Thanks to Fergus for lift home. 11.33 pm.

Friday 7th February 2020

Walked to and from a meeting this afternoon. Got back to hear from Jenni that the front door lock is knackered. Jenni has fixed one before and had a good go, but even with help from a neighbour we still only have a door that stays locked while the key is in it. Spent eighty quid in excess of allowance already this week. And soon a big fuel bill – gas has been on quite a bit this winter. My hands are fucking up of late. Dropping things, difficulty writing for sustained periods. Bit under the weather and pissed off about expense so far this year. On the brighter side, I am doing a workshop at Citizens House in Consett next month. 11.23 pm.

Saturday 8th February 2020

Dreamt that I got sacked from a factory job for running off thousands of photocopies and throwing them in bins around my hometown. Went into town and bought a power screwdriver to remove the screws a neighbour drilled in last night, so we could realign the lock. Thankfully, it worked. Jenni won’t be stuck, and I won’t be risking being locked in or out. Really behind on work now. Things to do: Make up four Anomalies Deluxe, two standards, blog post, edit student work, type-ups from an interview, cut stills from video and upload as Poetry Jam photo album, twenty-minute Arch Remarks set, poster for Consett workshop… Tonight, me and Jen had big chip butties and watched The Greatest Dancer but had to turn it off coz telly reception in bad weather was abysmal. Been good for the last few days, though. 9.25 pm.

Sunday 9th February 2020

We’ve been lucky with the weather – no structural damage from high winds or floods. Parts of Wales and parts of Yorkshire totally wrecked. Good to get Jam pix up and read about The Memoir Project. Checked out potential venues for future sessions. Need to book another writing marathon. Looking forward to getting on with my own stuff. 11.32 pm.

Monday 10th February 2020

Type-ups and outcomes for tomorrow’s mid-term recap at Waddy. Only saw Jenni for a few minutes then she had to leave for Gateshead. Pleased the Theatre have offered her more bar work this week. I did some printing this evening. Got another Deluxe out of the Samsung Xpress. Still need to tweak a bit of exclusive content. But hopefully I’ll be able to start sewing pages tomorrow evening. Wind is strong again. But no rain or snow. My chest is bad. Wheezing. Just came on tonight. Chuffed to find a 2003 notebook – a year when I didn’t keep a full-on journal. House is a tip. What the hell. 11.08 pm.

Tuesday 11th February 2020

Bought cakes and biscuits at Barry’s. Checked in at the cobblers but boots aren’t ready. Returned unused chisels to Boyes. Got a Sue Grafton novel ‘B is for Burglar’ from the library. Edited more student work but not all. Had discussion about rejection letters, copy editors and acceptable depictions of mental illness in stories. Gristle pasty and hoops for tea for the very last time. Hoops too peppery and pasty just minging. Out to Consett in a hurricane for supplies. Tesco had Joker dvd and some canny USB sticks for video transfers. Printed final pages for Deluxe. Have a bit of a cough but hopefully it will be gone by Friday. I will be at home a good while doing books, gig set and touting for business. 11.41 pm.

Wednesday 12th February 2020

If it isn’t broken, don’t fix it. I wasted about three hours trying to print some of the Deluxe book pages on heavier stock. The paper goes through the machine, but the toner ink doesn’t fix well to anything over 90gsm. For dust jackets I use hairspray as a fixative, but you can’t do that with umpteen cream pages per book. Well, you can; I did, but wasn’t happy with the results. Did the quickest sew-up of a hardback today – only three and a half hours for seventeen sections. The sew-holes took an hour. I like doing big books. I hoped I’d be finished by midnight. Or one at the latest. But I’ve knocked off at eleven with the text block still in the press. The case and jacket will have to wait until tomorrow. Soundtrack today was a homemade Swans compilation CD three times through. Then The Mission’s 2001 AURA album, which is my favourite of theirs even though only half the original line-up plays on it. I hope to get a decent sleep then crack on in the morning with the book. 11.30 pm.

Thursday 13th February 2020

Most of the day focused on finishing the big Deluxe for Jenni’s Valentine’s Day present. So romantic – until you see the horror show collected over four hundred pages. Hers looks better than any of the others I’ve done. The grey and lilac jacket works well.  If I was ever going to do a formal publication of the book that would be the one that I’d go for. Last night I coughed my guts up in bed. Today I’ve been okay but this evening I started coughing again. I am keen to get to bed. Tinnitus was bad today. 11.40 pm.

Friday 14th February 2020

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY! I was up quite early and ready to leave the house by ten past ten. In Consett I sorted finances, bought some chocolate, got a card for Jenni and a massive pair of dark blue denim jeans from a charity shop to cut up for bookcloth. Chatted with nephew Kyle for a while. On the bus over to Bensham I read EMPIRE OF DIRT (Red Squirrel Press) by Thomas Stewart again. Enjoy his poems – brutal and beautiful, sensitive and sinister. Jen was washing up when I arrived. She liked the Deluxe book. We had lentil soup then walked into Gateshead for a few supplies. Checked out music mags in Tesco. Back at the attic we watched Pointless, had pizza and chips, caught the news. Concerned about Storm Dennis due this weekend. We watched the soaps; then BBC4 music programmes: Top of the Pops, Classic Albums – Songs from the Big Chair by Tears for Fears – and a bit of the Roy Orbison documentary. I left for the last bus back to Consett. Should be home around half midnight. OK. 11.25 pm.

Saturday 15th February 2020

Some days are difficult to explain. Spent over five hours sewing up one book. This evening I did the same process on another and it took just two-and-a-quarter hours. And some of that was rummaging for specific cardstock and having to trim pages coz the card used as endpapers was a couple of millimetres narrower than standard A4. I haven’t been outside. I have no intention of experiencing Storm Dennis today. I rammed the edge of a bath towel under the front door with a screwdriver to stop the rain blowing in. Tonight, I played Adele’s ‘21’ album three times whilst working. It’s a tough album. If I wasn’t in a steady relationship, I probably couldn’t get through it without bawling my eyes out. After Adele I put on my own Swans compilation. Track three – FOOL from Greed – is pretty harrowing: ‘I cut off my right hand and stand in your shadow.’ Maybe Adele listened to some of Gira’s stuff. Anyway, got two book blocks in the press. Made a spined morning pages book without measuring anything, just used the mat grid to trim afterwards. Gira is singing Iggy’s ‘…Be Your Dog’ as though he’s dying of stultification. I love Swans. Early night for me. 10.55 pm.

Sunday 16th February 2020

What the fuck! Why have two standard hardback books taken so long to make this weekend?  They have been in the book press since teatime. I am itching to take them out and try the dust jackets on them. Hopefully, this time tomorrow they will be in the hands of the recipients. I am looking forward to a week of tidying up loose ends and getting some admin done. The books are great to make but aren’t very financially viable. Of course, I can’t charge for full labour. The deluxe would be over a hundred and fifty quid and the standard around fifty. But I like making them. And am pleased to be asked to make them. I nipped out this evening to get hairspray to use as a fixative but managed to get by on the dregs of the current can. I’m coughing on cue again. Soon as it gets to about quarter to ten, I feel a tickle in my throat. Hope I’m not hacking my guts up in bed tonight. I just saw a great picture of Lance Trappe landing a backhop on a full suspension mountain bike. He’s in his forties now and still better than I ever was. I haven’t even pedalled in a straight line on tarmac for over three months now. Way behind. Hope to get back on course very soon. 11.33 pm.