MARCH (PART TWO)

Wednesday 18th March 2020

Morning pages for handmade booklet. Tried to work on more book stuff but head a bit mashed. Got my food. Saw old folks out on the streets. People are getting on with their lives. I had a few laughs online with Jenni. Schools closing until further notice as of Friday. Then Lockdown.

Thanks to Jenni for updates on self-isolation. And Rosie Garland for link to young ‘old’ Goths. Barry’s Bargain Superstore for food. 11.59 pm.

Thursday 19th March 2020

Stayed home all day watching updates on the state of the nation. Saw a post about mental health laws in relation to coronavirus that seemed a bit scary – easier sections, easier to detain for mental health assessment if arrested. No community care, safeguarding etc. I came away from Facebook coz it was mashing my brain. Tonight’s news briefing was about financial assistance for individuals unable to work due to social distancing restrictions. Email from Chester le Street library: June session postponed. I want to knock up some books but feel quite wiped out. Would like to stay offline but need it to keep in touch with Jenni. Had chicken chilli and rice. Lots of peanuts.  Lots of ‘Hands off Gretel’ music. Lots of crisps. Must do more work tomorrow. Need some money in soon. 11.36 pm.

Friday 20th March 2020

Today the government agreed to pay the nation to stay at home for the next three months. Well, all except front-liners – the doctors, nurses, care workers, transport staff, food retailers, some teachers, social workers, mainstream TV media – and the five million freelancers in the gig economy who feel left out of the big emergency economic package costing billions to keep the country afloat. Have to stay I was pretty stunned by it, to be honest. Then everything went really quiet. The prime minister told pubs, clubs, restaurants and theatres to close and not open again for the foreseeable future. I started to get strange dystopian posts in my newsfeed from a person I’m not even friends with – postings of terrible happenings in other countries – but you can’t believe everything you read. Lisette Auton was in touch and ordered a one-off Anomalies Deluxe for her husband’s birthday. I watched ten o’clock news then Newsnight. Jenni hasn’t been online this evening. Hope she is okay. Hope she has WiFi. And electricity – hope the meter hasn’t run out of cash. If I don’t hear anything I will message in the morning. Waddington Street Centre is closed to the public from Monday. It’s all really fucking awful. 11.35 pm.

Saturday 21st March 2020

I wrote an on this day in personal history in morning pages about going to see The Mission in Glasgow thirty-three years ago. I sent it to my friend Stephen Clark as a PDF. He wrote back saying the account was pretty much as he remembered it. I tried to watch Stephen King’s IT Part 2 on DVD but fell asleep. I put some harsh comments on Jen’s Facebook post coz people were doing the full-on ‘we are here to help’ without knowing the fucking facts. Listened to some really sobering words from a Manchester doctor explaining what it’s like on NHS frontline. Think it’s over eight hundred UK deaths now. I’m tired, could do with staying offline for a while. I posted a little writing exercise this morning. Food is dwindling again. I need to go out on Monday for top-ups. Nice emails from Alix Alixandra. Good to get to the end of the day. 11.36pm.


Sunday 22nd March 2020

Got fuck all done today. Journal entries have to be pruned back coz I'm in such a foul mood much of the time. I tried to read this evening but couldn't concentrate. Rang Mam and Ernie's landline, but they must have decided to stay on holiday. Over-seventies are advised to self-isolate for three months as of tomorrow. I switched the computer off just before eleven tonight. Need a good sleep. Up early for more supplies tomorrow. Hope I don't have to encounter any hoarders. Fuck all this, to be honest. 11.22pm


Monday 23rd March 2020

Shit got real – lockdown! What did people expect? Of course this was going to happen. Jenni rang this morning. She was all for coming to stay with me in order to free up space for her mam. But now they are sharing the attic room. I went out for food this morning. Thought I’d bought cheese and tomato pasta for Jenni but it was Spaghetti Bolognese. I got veggie sausages. Barry's Bargain Superstore’s stock is running down. But plenty of spaghetti tins so I got two packs of three, a block of cathedral cheese and some cakes. Got more bread at Tesco. Shoppers weren't bad on the social distancing, but staff still standing in groups of three in the aisles. All Boyes stores closed. So no new tea towels. Or steam bags - only fourteen left at home. Might try to buy online but not sure about deliveries. Someone said buses are Sunday service. Had to get more money out the bank than expected. Heard a member of staff talking to a distraught customer trying to close off a mortgage direct debit (hubby sent home without pay but not laid off so no Universal Credit) say that if staff are unwell the bank might close. Another member of staff said that was correct, but they will try to stay open. Coming back from the local shop, I saw a bunch of keys in the lock of an unattended van. I knocked on corner house window. Joe came out and said Thanks, but hoped someone might nick it. I'm not sure if he was joking. 11.26 pm.

Tuesday 24th March 2020

So, today has been pretty good. Got the kitchen tidied up a bit. Read some of ‘STAY FANATIC!!! Vol 1’ by Henry Rollins. Stood on the landing and watched a few people come and go, birds landing on next door's roof, clouds moving over the houses opposite. I had Spaghetti Bolognese for tea. Had some cakes. Have a bit of a tight chest but feel okay, really. Had to remove some unsavoury comments from a photo of one of our Poetry Jam guests. Jenni gave a stern warning to the culprit. I followed it up with a private message. I posted a Bad Pollyanna video and thanks on Facebook for the phone call from their singer, Olivia. Sad news: Bill Rieflin, who played on Swans and The Humans albums, and was with REM, has died. Toyah Willcox posted it about an hour ago. Jenni is managing to keep going with her mam in the attic room. Hope things move in a decent direction soon. But with the virus, it could be a couple of months at least. 11.41 pm.


Wednesday 25th March 2020

Lazy day. You want me to stay at home? Okay. Spent ages on an A2Z poem in morning pages. I'm not doing much else until I get some toner cartridges to start on ‘Anomalies Deluxe’ books. Read some more ‘STAY FANATIC!!! Vol 1’ this afternoon. Listened to Chelsea Wolfe 'Survival' and a few Michael Monroe songs. Read some compliance articles about lockdown. That's all. I'll probably stay indoors till Monday then I'm going for a walk. Need some new footwear. People are going to need clothes, shoes, etc. Think they'll do this lockdown thing for a few months then get everyone back to work. Can't keep people at home for a year without access to household goods. Kettle, hoover, TV, microwave, lawnmower. It suits my lifestyle for the moment, but people will soon get pissed off. 10.28 pm.


Thursday 26th March 2020

Read a load of reliable coronavirus articles today. Put me on a better even keel than last night. I'm wondering if the self-employment bailout will be okay for people. Quite a few people still seem to fall through the cracks. No extra money will be paid into bank accounts until June, which isn't good for the majority of people. No point trying to run writing sessions online. You can't charge people for content when there's so much out there for free. My thing is the communal experience, the live group dynamic in a creative space. There'll be a lot of time before my next workshops, probably autumn, now. 11.24 pm

Friday 27th March 2020

STANDING AT A DISTANCE

Think I’m gonna have to get an early night
Think I’ve had just quite enough of this shite
I took two paracetamols and they did absolutely fuck all
The kettle's slow and I've completely lost my sense of humour
I think I need to get outside sometime fairly fucking soon
Think I might need a little break from reality
I want to hit the gym and burn some of the fat off
I want to eat a pound of chocolate and a doughnut
Maybe when the shit’s all gone and people aren’t infected
Maybe then we’ll see the benefits of natural genocide
But I think not and I’m so sorry for being morbid
It’s just the way we get when life is totally restricted
I love my time alone but this room is fucking shite
I love my time alone but could maybe use a little hug now
My life is elsewhere in a basement full to bursting
All the kids she says throw custard creams and punches
I need a brainwave and a financial fucking miracle
I need these teeth fixed and something good on Netflix
I think I’m gonna have an early night tonight and every night
I’m sick of standing at a distance
If we could wipe the slate and start again
Maybe then we wouldn’t tolerate selfish bastards
I don’t know what to think anymore
I don’t know how to breathe unless somebody tells me how to
Some fucking fresh air or a coma
Anything to get us through the bad months
Absolutely anything at all now


Saturday 28th March 2020

Got pages printed for the next Anomalies and sorted more coloured paper for the one after that. Played lots of TV Smith tonight. Land of the Overdose and I Delete – both great albums. Enjoyed not being obsessed with the state of the nation for a few hours. Very good of Lisette Auton to order a copy of ‘Anomalies Deluxe’. Chuffed to get a full book printed on half a cartridge. I will be doing my chapbook stuff next week as well. I will be done with the neatly written morning pages book. I will be able to just scribble illegibly next month. 10.59 pm.


Sunday 29th March 2020

Didn't get started on the book till one this afternoon. Jenni phoned about quarter past two, chatting about this and that. Got all the pages folded and pierced ready for sewing. Soundtrack: Adele (21), The Mission (Aura), Crowded House (The Best of). Didn't get a proper Sunday dinner. Listened to Queen Live at the Rainbow tonight. Mint early 70s gig. Knocked off typing coz left wrist is aching. Probably from pressing down on the ruler whilst trimming book signatures. Chilly today. Some people saw hail and snow; I saw neither. Still narked about restrictions but nothing we can do about it till COVID-19 fucks off. Anyway, supper time for this scruffy bugger. 10.37 pm.


Monday 30th March 2020

Didn't get breakfast till eleven. Got an email from the college; I'm being contracted for next term, due to start in three weeks, but we all know the sessions won't take place. Good of them to pay me for them though. Got book pages sewed up. Will do glue, endpapers and reinforcement tomorrow. Was aiming to go to the supermarket tomorrow, but think it will have to wait till Wednesday. Hope to have Mark Auton's book done by then. Listened to Lauren Tate (Hands off Gretel) podcast then watched a Julia Eff interview on YouTube. Checked out how banks create money out of thin air - yep, from sweet fuck-all to 'we repossess your house if you don't keep up repayments to the value of whatever we typed into the computer, plus interest' – fucking cunts! No-one should be homeless or hungry. 9.56 pm.


Tuesday 31st March 2020

Be careful what you wish for. I said I wanted to spend less time online and go a bit old-school in the DIY bookmaking this year. Well, the computer that lovely Jenni spent a week sorting out for me just eleven weeks ago gave up the ghost this morning. So now I only have the tablet for internet. I might hook up the old PC if I'm desperate but will see how things go. I don't even take photos on the tablet.

Today I glued up an Anomalies Deluxe book – printed before the machine went kaput. And I made two repro copies of Volume 2 of this month's morning pages. I'd been toying with the idea of making some of my pre breakfast rants and musings available for a while, but they take so long to type and my freewriting is usually illegible. For a month I slowed down the writing hand and produced two volumes similar to my ‘So Much for the Sunshine’ book. Only, these ones are one-take wonders. If anyone is curious about what comes out the end of the pen before the day kicks in then I have the books and, touch wood, a working photocopier. 90 and 96 pages respectively (45 and 48 double A5 spreads). Hand stitched, hand lettered coloured card covers. Maybe I'm a bit too audacious. Pleased I did them though. Chuffed with the content – dreams, essays, prose poems, journal entries… Anyway, almost bedtime. NaPoWriMo tomorrow? 10.45 pm.