Wednesday 1st December 2021
Rainy start so I didn’t get to ride the bike. Had some hassle logging my college hours for November but eventually the system allowed me access. Also hassle with dodgy messenger but corrected itself. Got some Xmas stuff ordered online and arranged to deliver Ivy Hudson’s pamphlets next week. It was good to read some Alison Moore stories and an essay on ‘uncanny’ fiction. It’s an area I would like to explore over the coming weeks and months. 11.45pm.Thursday 2nd December 2021
Folded pages for Ivy’s pamphlets. Posted a sample cover to Elaine Cusack for her second print run. First time out this winter on the Specialized Rockhopper bike – mainly to go to the post office. I rode into Consett to pick up a library book, trundled around Blackhill and Bridgehill, then though woods back to The Grove and Moorside. House is freezing. I’ve been reading ‘Dangerous Obsessions - Teenagers and the Occult’ by Andrew Boyd which is rather disturbing. I ate steak pie and mash for tea, numerous biscuits, and a couple of sweet mince pies. It was good to hear from Jenni. She has been out and about helping her mam shop for curtains. I’m going to get supper then off to bed. 11.38pm.
Friday 3rd December 2021
Got twenty-five of Ivy’s pamphlets trimmed today. Second half will be done tomorrow. It gets quite difficult to work at the drop-leaf table as the afternoon progresses towards dusk. And it’s been cloudy all day. Artificial light isn’t great. I did some physio exercises for arms. Watched a short Katie Kookaburra video about her winter bike setup. And Ali Clarkson’s latest in which he builds up his new 2022 red Inspired ‘Hex’ street trials bike. I walked to Consett to get more funds then on to Tesco. A young couple were having a major argument near Derwentside College. She didn’t need him anymore and was annoyed that he would only give monosyllabic answers. She sounded Cockney. He sounded Consett. Tonight, I listened to ‘In Hell I’ll Be in Good Company’ by The Dead South. It’s a very catchy song. I listened to some tracks by Behemoth. Read a bit more of Dangerous Obsessions. Had two sausage buns for supper. It’s not as cold tonight. Only my feet. But the walk out did my circulation good. Anyway, off to bed soon. It’s been a good day. 11.30pm.
Saturday 4th December 2021
Got the rest of Ivy’s pamphlets trimmed and boxed. I got a lot of typing done this afternoon. Was meant to go to Jen’s tonight but she’s working this weekend. Watched a load of Behemoth stuff, listened to Cradle of Filth’s new album. Read an Alison Moore story from the Out of the Darkness anthology. It’s snowing in Moorside. My feet are numb. 11.56pm.
Sunday 5th December 2021
Weather was shit so I didn’t get out on the bike. Stayed mainly downstairs and read the rest of Dangerous Obsessions. It was good but the heavy metal section was factually flawed. The house is freezing, my feet are numb. Ate sausage and veg for dinner and later had cheese and tomato sandwiches. Watched Rollins ‘Uncut from NYC’ spoken word show. It was good from the middle onwards. I need an early night. 10.21pm.
Monday 6th December 2021
Good to get out on the Rockhopper for a little trundle over to the far side of Leadgate this afternoon. Surprised to encounter slush and ice on the cycle path between The Grove and Consett. But after last year I am used to it. Pleased to ride without getting sweated up or covered in clarts. I did notes for the final workshop of the year. Another Xmas gift arrived for one of the family. I listened to a bunch of Ian Duhig poems on the National Poetry Archive website. He has a ‘new and selected poems’ book out that caught my eye on account of its rather Satanic (or occult – one of the two) cover. Saw some disturbing stuff about vaccine mandates taking place in Europe and Australia. If people don’t want it, they don’t want it. I’ve had mine. Good to listen to Behemoth today. I love the two most recent studio albums. I am tempted to buy a ticket for next September. Oh, and The Cure are touring, but I won’t be going. 11.51pm.
Tuesday 7th December 2021
Canny day. Up quite early and had a shave then got out to Consett to pay book-making fee into the bank. Had a good chat at lunchtime with Ali Lee about music gigs. Waddington Street Centre session was okay, but most people left early on account of buses. I got some more covers sorted for Elaine’s second printing. Some colours worked better than others. I’ll send them out tomorrow. Went to Tesco in Gateshead for provisions. Then on to Jen’s. We watched a documentary about comedy and censorship. People are posting stuff about the Tory Xmas party. Of course they were laughing about it. Of course they broke the fucking rules. Of course Johnson is a compulsive liar. Let’s just be like Austria and Germany and Australia. Let’s just go full-on fascism and watch our fucking lives disintegrate. Labour is begging for it. Fuck right off. 11.36pm.
Wednesday 8th December 2021
Jen was offered time off work so I’m staying an extra night. Much of today I’ve been distracted by stuff coming out of Westminster on Xmas parties. We watched a few music videos and soap operas. It’s quite chilly this evening. I have my big velvety fleece hoodie on. But my feet are freezing. Jen asked for hyperlinks to things I might like for Xmas. I sent them for ‘Writing The Uncanny’ and the Adam Darski biography ‘Confessions of a Heretic’. Tonight we were told that vaccine passports were coming in for venues over 500 standing capacity. It won’t make much difference to my life but still completely sick of being gaslit then told to shut up coz I’m not a virologist. 10.29pm.
Thursday 9th December 2021
Up quite early. Saw a bit of Frasier and some of the news and some great ‘Dead Happy’ animated life insurance adverts. Fuelled up on plum jam on toast and fried egg sandwiches. Me and Jenni bought cards in Fenwick and WH Smith. I found a couple of books to give as presents and got a writing magazine for next term. Fingers crossed there is a next term. Sick of all the mixed messages. I got a lot of food in Consett Tesco tonight. Broadband at home was excruciatingly slow. People in high places calling for PM resignation now. 11.36pm.
Friday 10th December 2021
Broadband very slow for most of the day but picked up a bit tonight allowing me to watch the Question Time and Newsnight that I missed last night. It was good to get out on the bike this afternoon for a little trundle near Medomsley and Leadgate then back through Number One industrial estate. Curry and fries for tea. Watched Katie Kookaburra’s new video announcing she’s able to get back on two wheels. Then Ali Clarkson reflecting on his first GT mountain bike. Watched ‘Masters of Darkness – Crowley’ documentary from 2002 and a bit of Venom’s 1985 Hammersmith Odeon gig. Cheese on toast for supper. Feet are freezing. Should have been working today but am going to have a big typing day tomorrow. I should tidy the house a bit next week. 11.18pm.
Saturday 11th December 2021
Spent most of today trying to key in morning pages but only managed two entries. Cold and tired and responding to comments on my post about covid. Probably came off as a bit alarmist but had to let off steam. Looking forward to just getting to bed. Watched an ace BBC programme about someone taking a heavy metal hater to Bloodstock festival for the weekend. I mainly ate cheap crap. 11.13pm.
Sunday 12th December 2021
Better day. Still a bit grumpy. But got through my type-ups. Good to speak to Mam and Ernie on the telephone this afternoon. Got a few Xmas ideas. Watched a couple of short Behemoth clips. Then the latest Jeff Lenosky bike video, which was mainly downhill but a few neat technical climbs. Thought Neil Oliver’s monologue about covid fear was spot on. I posted one of the hilarious ‘Dead Happy’ life insurance adverts to Facebook but no-one bit. People are busy with Christmas prep now. As will I be this coming week. 10.28pm.
Monday 13th December 2021
Had a bit of computer hassle that Jenni helped sort out via messenger. Used a brand-new blade to remove a week of stubble. Tried to do end of term paperwork but couldn’t concentrate on it. I’m just getting tired of being so annoyed at everything. Operation super boost got off to a great start. Four-hour queues for jabs, website crashing and running out of lateral flow kits. One million jabs a day is a big ask of the NHS. People are exhausted and totally fucked off as it is. It will be interesting to see how the Tory rebellion goes tomorrow. I wonder if any Labour people abstain. I’m going to have to stop taking an interest and just get on with my stuff. I spent close on a hundred quid in Tesco on presents tonight. Jenni thanked me for the 96 club card points. I only have a few things left to buy. And then I’ll be on economy drive until the next workshops kick in. 11.47pm.
Tuesday 14th December 2021
Better day. I did some typing before putting the internet on. Got a bit of end of term stuff done. Bullion Hall was in touch with a whole string of dates that I can do next year. Hexham Mind has put all face-to-face provision on hold. I think anything that has a specific health element to it will be put on the back burner. I had a curry this afternoon, watched the news then had a walk up to Consett. Then got the 47A bus through Chopwell to Newcastle. Not many people on. Mostly masked. Good to see Jenni. She was watching Walk the Line – some sort of squid game X-factor singing show. Then a celebrity Full Monty dance thing. More shopping tomorrow. 11.22pm.
Wednesday 15th December 2021
Big laughs with Jenni today. Beginning with the sticky fruit jelly episode in bed. Jen opened a packet of sweets, and some fell out. Unbeknownst to me, some goo squelched out onto the pillowcase and went all over my arm, requiring a medical wipe for removal. We went out this afternoon. I bought some Christmas presents. Only a few more to get. I am struggling with social gatherings. Me and Jenni went out to Viv Wiggins’ party. There was about a dozen people in a fair-sized room, spread out across a number of tables. I’m concerned about my lack of work and growing anxiety over the covid stuff. Sky Hawkins asked if I enjoyed being out at gigs recently. I said I’m struggling to be in a room with people these days for fear of having my movements restricted afterwards. I couldn’t give a shit about catching covid. Obviously, I wouldn’t want others to get it. But I’m freaked out at threats of fines for breaking ‘the rules’. I won’t be doing much partying over the festive season. And I need a mask exemption as well. 11.50pm.
Thursday 16th December 2021
Don’t rev your fucking engine at half past eleven! Maybe I’m just tired. Pleased to get the rest of the Christmas stuff. Started wrapping bits and pieces but still struggling. I’m kind of tired a lot of the time and can’t really focus on much. I think I’m done for 2021. I want to chill out before we go into the next year of insanity. More and more people are becoming cautious about the Omicron variant. I’m trying not to get sucked into conjecture. I need to destress or I’m going to be no good for Christmas. Mam and Ernie are are paying a visit on Saturday. I hope they don’t get ill off being around folk who have been mixing a lot. I don’t think they will stay long. I need to get a lot of stuff wrapped tomorrow. Hope I’ve got some clean clothes for the little gathering at Waddington Street Centre tomorrow. I got my contract for my next sessions there. Fingers crossed. Still waiting on dates for other work. 11.35pm.
Friday 17th December 2021
Rang Mam and Ernie this morning about their visit, given current covid developments. We are doing a doorstep swap of gifts. If the weather is okay maybe a walk. I got presents wrapped then out to Waddy tonight. It was good to have a little meet up. Most of the eleven people there ordered takeaways from a local Lebanese restaurant. I microwaved myself a tinned chicken jalfrezi with rice in the church kitchen. We had a nice chat and a quiz and sang some songs. Afterwards Durham was quiet. The bus wasn’t too full. It was a good evening. But now I’m a bit pissed off to see in the Metro that Sweden is embracing the idea of vaccine passports on a microchip implant. That thing that many people said would never ever happen. And the few who thought it would happen were labelled nutters and conspiracy theorists. Well, there you go… Anyway, I got through another day and hopefully will manage Christmas. I need to be on best behaviour over the next few days. Need to stay calm but shit keeps blowing up. 11.59pm.
Saturday 18th December 2021
Good to see Mam and Ernie today. They mostly stayed in the garden. We exchanged gifts at the car and wore masks. I had a chat with my next-door neighbour about covid. I’m fed up with my brain being zapped by it all the time; I need to stay away from the computer. Need to ride the bike. I went for supplies then watched Newsnight. I’m struggling to stay motivated. And I’ve got a hell of a lot to get through. 11.34pm.
Sunday 19th December 2021
Long day of trying to work but struggling with covid overload. I had a nice steak pie and veg dinner and listened to Tori Amos. Messaged Jenni but it’s been a slow day. Best just to say fuck it and get on with life. Tomorrow is another day, and I will be offline for most of it. Hopefully going to Jen’s on Thursday. Hopefully in good spirits. 11.58pm.
Long day of trying to work but struggling with covid overload. I had a nice steak pie and veg dinner and listened to Tori Amos. Messaged Jenni but it’s been a slow day. Best just to say fuck it and get on with life. Tomorrow is another day, and I will be offline for most of it. Hopefully going to Jen’s on Thursday. Hopefully in good spirits. 11.58pm.
Monday 20th December 2021
Mostly downstairs. Took me an hour just to clean the George Foreman gill and get grease off the draining board. I cut up some white bedding for dishcloths, washed up and cleared the bench top. Wrote a covid piece that might seem a little extreme but I’m struggling at present. Just a bit burnt out, I think. I try to do the right thing but am incapable of sustaining a positive outlook for very long. I try to see a way through but feel battered by conflicting thoughts at present. I have ranted and rave in notebooks since finishing NaNoWriMo. I’m listening to Queen Forever (Deluxe). It’s late and I don’t want to write. Struggling to type up notes as well. Anyway, almost bedtime again. 11.44pm.
Tuesday 21st December 2021
Yay! Got the last of the presents wrapped this morning and washed some clothes. But I doubt the clothes will dry before I go to Jen’s place on Thursday. Elaine was in touch and has made her colour choice for the second printing of her pamphlet Loose Threads and Sacred Spaces. I’m hoping to buy the stock on Christmas Eve in Newcastle. I went into Consett late this afternoon in search of a Christmas card for Jenni, but they were all ghastly. Will try again in Gateshead on Thursday or Newcastle on Friday. I chatted to Brother Mark on the phone. Mostly about winter blues and covid. Why do we have a higher covid death rate than anywhere in Europe? Why weren’t government Xmas party goers afraid of passing on covid to their elderly relatives? Why demonize the vaccine hesitant when 94,000 NHS workers are prepared to lose their jobs next April by refusing a jab? Why enforce vaccine passports when jabs don’t prevent transmission? Why didn’t we lockdown for the 65,000 UK flu and circulatory illness deaths in 2018? 11.59pm.
Mostly downstairs. Took me an hour just to clean the George Foreman gill and get grease off the draining board. I cut up some white bedding for dishcloths, washed up and cleared the bench top. Wrote a covid piece that might seem a little extreme but I’m struggling at present. Just a bit burnt out, I think. I try to do the right thing but am incapable of sustaining a positive outlook for very long. I try to see a way through but feel battered by conflicting thoughts at present. I have ranted and rave in notebooks since finishing NaNoWriMo. I’m listening to Queen Forever (Deluxe). It’s late and I don’t want to write. Struggling to type up notes as well. Anyway, almost bedtime again. 11.44pm.
Tuesday 21st December 2021
Yay! Got the last of the presents wrapped this morning and washed some clothes. But I doubt the clothes will dry before I go to Jen’s place on Thursday. Elaine was in touch and has made her colour choice for the second printing of her pamphlet Loose Threads and Sacred Spaces. I’m hoping to buy the stock on Christmas Eve in Newcastle. I went into Consett late this afternoon in search of a Christmas card for Jenni, but they were all ghastly. Will try again in Gateshead on Thursday or Newcastle on Friday. I chatted to Brother Mark on the phone. Mostly about winter blues and covid. Why do we have a higher covid death rate than anywhere in Europe? Why weren’t government Xmas party goers afraid of passing on covid to their elderly relatives? Why demonize the vaccine hesitant when 94,000 NHS workers are prepared to lose their jobs next April by refusing a jab? Why enforce vaccine passports when jabs don’t prevent transmission? Why didn’t we lockdown for the 65,000 UK flu and circulatory illness deaths in 2018? 11.59pm.
Wednesday 22nd December 2021
The house is still a tip. I haven’t shaved since last Friday. I couldn’t get on with work. The most productive thing was to get a big food haul to see me though any period of self-isolation that might occur. Fingers crossed that doesn’t happen. Some bare shelves in Tesco. I counted six empty bacon display boxes. Probably just as well. Start on full English breakfasts again and I will be in trouble. I’ve done no exercise, but I’m determined to get back to it after Christmas. I’m about three days behind on the typing and have loads of stuff to copy up. I got offered four workshops at Bullion Hall – two in January, two in March. I think my current account is overdrawn. I need a card for Jenni. Forgot to look tonight. Forgot to go for an annual health check on Monday as well. Only remembered about an hour ago. Hope I get a decent sleep tonight. Tinnitus is raging full on at present. Will be pleased to get away to Jen’s place tomorrow. 11.45pm.
Thursday 23rd December 2021
Four hours! Four buses to get from Moorside to Newcastle tonight. It would have been five buses, but I missed the last one back to Bensham. One bus in Consett never arrived. And one I boarded terminated in Medomsley – why, I don’t know. The 47A goes to Newcastle via Medomsley and Chopwell until the final service at 8.25pm which terminates in Medomsley. Maybe that’s why I was the only daft fucker on it. Luckily, I caught one in Medomsley returning from Newcastle to Consett. Went to Tesco for a pie and some blackcurrant squash. The next 47 bus didn’t turn up. It was about half ten before I boarded the X45 in Consett opposite Derwentside College. Journey was okay. Free Wi-Fi. But I’m burnt out on social media. Fuck covid. Anyway, it’ good to finally be here. Jenni is in the next room chatting to Naj. I’m cooling down after hauling a wheelie case up a few flights of stairs. 11.55pm.
Friday 24th December 2021
Me and Jenni talked till nearly four this morning. Then back up by half eight coz Jen had to go to work. I've got a coldsore, first one for ages. Walked into town with Jenni. Got endpapers and card for Elaine's second printing of Loose Threads and Sacred Spaces. I bought a new diary for three quid. Newcastle wasn't very busy. Walked back to Gateshead and bought a cooked chicken for tomorrow's dinner. Walked back to base and started tidying up so it would be nice for us getting up tomorrow. I had the tv on this afternoon but kept falling asleep. The heating is on, but I am still chilly. Jenni phoned to say she is having an after-work drink but won't be back too late coz the pubs shut at ten. I'm pretty much ready for bed. Bastard coldsore is annoying. Spitting Image is on. Never seen it since I was a kid. I don't know what’s on next. Might get a salmon and cucumber sandwich for supper. 10.26pm
Saturday 25th December 2021
Didn't go to bed till three so a bit tired now. Opened presents around eleven this morning. Chuffed to get ‘Writing the Uncanny’ and the Adam ‘Nergal’ Darski biography, amongst other good things. Jen liked her Sondheim book. And Tim Minchin hoodie. We had a late Xmas dinner at her mam s place this afternoon. Watched a couple of gameshows then came back to the attic for an episode of Bottom followed by Victoria Wood's Midlife Christmas. Had a chicken sandwich and an iced mince pie. Will be in bed soon. Jen has a theatre bar shift tomorrow. 11.40pm.
Sunday 26th December 2021
Jenni is still out. I did a bit of washing up and read a couple of chapters of Confessions of a Heretic by Nergal. The tv has been on but mainly with the sound down. I had a little sleep for a couple of hours then did a fair bit of typing on the mobile device. Mainly been eating snack food. Scrolled some more covid stuff, rang Mam and Ernie. Sent Ali Lee a get-well message. 10.30pm.
Monday 27th December 2021
Had a long lie in coz I didn't sleep too well last night. Had a weird covid restrictions dream but tried to make light of it. Jenni got up around half one. I keyed pages into the mobile device. We have mainly just sat about watching tv. Terry Pratchett’s Hogfather was three hours. We were supposed to be watching a heavy metal documentary, but Jen wanted to see Stephen Sondheim at the BBC. So maybe next weekend. I've read a bit more of the Nergal Confessions of a Heretic book but haven't looked much at Writing the Uncanny. Today it was announced that no further covid restrictions would be in place before New Year's Day in England. After that I reckon larger venues will be forced to close again. Which means Rollins spoken word will either be postponed or cancelled outright. I need to get back to exercise. It's been a luxury to have central heating over the Christmas period – thanks to Janet and Naj. When I get back to Moorside tomorrow my house will be a fucking fridge. I have lots of catch-up work to do this week but will return to Bensham for New Year's Eve. 10.26pm.
Tuesday 28th December 2021
Some days there is loads to say. And some days I just want to throw my books away and not even bother calling myself a creative person ever again. Just find some menial part-time job to get the pittance for subsistence and live out the rest of my days watching movies and listening to rock music. I feel no compulsion to broaden my horizons. I never have. Minutiae and outrage. I swing from mundanity to warlike proclamation quite regularly, but I mostly just tread water. Much of life is pointless. I mainly just pull life to bits. Most people would say: For fuck’s sake, will you give it a rest? Luckily for me, Jenni finds me rather amusing. Of course, I can be light-hearted – but can also explode with outrage at the most trifling injustice. Anyway, today I read more of the Adam ‘Nergal’ Darski book. I had a bowl of tomato soup and later some Ravioli on toast. Jen was still working when I left for the 47 bus back to Consett this evening. Quite a lot of people onboard. Was it a covidmobile? Don’t know, don’t care. Sick of being battered by fear mongering media. If I catch it, I catch it. I’ll deal with it then. But in the meantime, I just want much of life to leave me the fuck alone. 11.20pm.
Wednesday 29th December 2021
Late entry. I’m an idiot. After an all-day typing session, I forget to go back to the notebook. I’m probably shooting myself in the foot here coz it’s not a good look to be grumpy about not wanting to write. Especially when you are going to include the entry in a blog post linked to your writing website. I was never a good salesman. I don’t have a head for business. At present I’m just worn down. I’ve written a lot this year. NaPoWriMo (30 poems in 30 days); Longer Days and Lighter Nights (80+ outdoor observational diary entries with accompanying photographs; NaNoWriMo (50,000 words of raw fiction in 30 days), Morning Pages (over 200,000 words, most of them typed from handwritten scrawl). I’m all worded out. I’d like to record a few performance video clips for Facebook but at the same time think it might be a good idea to stay clear of social media. I didn’t read much today beyond covid updates and my own gripes. But it was good to hear from my friend Stephen Clark. I haven’t seen him for over two years. 9.30am (next morning).
Thursday 30th December 2021
Really mild weather. I got the tax return done this morning. So chuffed to get out on the bike for an hour. Rode over to Greencroft and back. It helped clear my head quite a bit. It was good to get away from the desktop this afternoon. Copied up a load of stuff. Then packed my bag to return to Jen’s place. She has had a tough day. A tough year really. She is out having a drink in town. She says she won’t be out too late. I’m probably going to bed soon. There’s a programme on C5 about the worst TV interviews. Grace Jones was slapping Russel Harty when I put it on. It’s very warm in the attic tonight. Forecast to be about fourteen degrees tomorrow. I aim to pay my national insurance contributions at the bank. It will be good to see exactly how much I have left to carry over into the new year. I have no idea how work will develop in an Omicron environment. I’ll be pleased to see the back of 2021, to be honest. 10.50pm.
Friday 31st December 2021
Jen came home around two this morning and was quite talkative till about half four. I woke up around ten, did morning pages before twelve. I went into the Gateshead branch of Lloyds for my NI transaction. With a few bits of revenue due in the coming weeks I should be okay but am still a bit anxious about the way things are going. I ate lots of reduced-price chicken for dinner. We watched bits of old Emmerdale and Corrie. Had pizza and chips for tea. Watched a new episode of The Weakest Link. Good to just relax and not bother with NYE events. More Corrie and Top of the Pops. Lots of falling asleep. Had a salmon paste and cucumber sandwich. The Last Leg was good. So were the chocolates and stollen. People are posting end of year pieces, but I’m not up to much on social media. 11.08pm.
The house is still a tip. I haven’t shaved since last Friday. I couldn’t get on with work. The most productive thing was to get a big food haul to see me though any period of self-isolation that might occur. Fingers crossed that doesn’t happen. Some bare shelves in Tesco. I counted six empty bacon display boxes. Probably just as well. Start on full English breakfasts again and I will be in trouble. I’ve done no exercise, but I’m determined to get back to it after Christmas. I’m about three days behind on the typing and have loads of stuff to copy up. I got offered four workshops at Bullion Hall – two in January, two in March. I think my current account is overdrawn. I need a card for Jenni. Forgot to look tonight. Forgot to go for an annual health check on Monday as well. Only remembered about an hour ago. Hope I get a decent sleep tonight. Tinnitus is raging full on at present. Will be pleased to get away to Jen’s place tomorrow. 11.45pm.
Thursday 23rd December 2021
Four hours! Four buses to get from Moorside to Newcastle tonight. It would have been five buses, but I missed the last one back to Bensham. One bus in Consett never arrived. And one I boarded terminated in Medomsley – why, I don’t know. The 47A goes to Newcastle via Medomsley and Chopwell until the final service at 8.25pm which terminates in Medomsley. Maybe that’s why I was the only daft fucker on it. Luckily, I caught one in Medomsley returning from Newcastle to Consett. Went to Tesco for a pie and some blackcurrant squash. The next 47 bus didn’t turn up. It was about half ten before I boarded the X45 in Consett opposite Derwentside College. Journey was okay. Free Wi-Fi. But I’m burnt out on social media. Fuck covid. Anyway, it’ good to finally be here. Jenni is in the next room chatting to Naj. I’m cooling down after hauling a wheelie case up a few flights of stairs. 11.55pm.
Friday 24th December 2021
Me and Jenni talked till nearly four this morning. Then back up by half eight coz Jen had to go to work. I've got a coldsore, first one for ages. Walked into town with Jenni. Got endpapers and card for Elaine's second printing of Loose Threads and Sacred Spaces. I bought a new diary for three quid. Newcastle wasn't very busy. Walked back to Gateshead and bought a cooked chicken for tomorrow's dinner. Walked back to base and started tidying up so it would be nice for us getting up tomorrow. I had the tv on this afternoon but kept falling asleep. The heating is on, but I am still chilly. Jenni phoned to say she is having an after-work drink but won't be back too late coz the pubs shut at ten. I'm pretty much ready for bed. Bastard coldsore is annoying. Spitting Image is on. Never seen it since I was a kid. I don't know what’s on next. Might get a salmon and cucumber sandwich for supper. 10.26pm
Saturday 25th December 2021
Didn't go to bed till three so a bit tired now. Opened presents around eleven this morning. Chuffed to get ‘Writing the Uncanny’ and the Adam ‘Nergal’ Darski biography, amongst other good things. Jen liked her Sondheim book. And Tim Minchin hoodie. We had a late Xmas dinner at her mam s place this afternoon. Watched a couple of gameshows then came back to the attic for an episode of Bottom followed by Victoria Wood's Midlife Christmas. Had a chicken sandwich and an iced mince pie. Will be in bed soon. Jen has a theatre bar shift tomorrow. 11.40pm.
Sunday 26th December 2021
Jenni is still out. I did a bit of washing up and read a couple of chapters of Confessions of a Heretic by Nergal. The tv has been on but mainly with the sound down. I had a little sleep for a couple of hours then did a fair bit of typing on the mobile device. Mainly been eating snack food. Scrolled some more covid stuff, rang Mam and Ernie. Sent Ali Lee a get-well message. 10.30pm.
Monday 27th December 2021
Had a long lie in coz I didn't sleep too well last night. Had a weird covid restrictions dream but tried to make light of it. Jenni got up around half one. I keyed pages into the mobile device. We have mainly just sat about watching tv. Terry Pratchett’s Hogfather was three hours. We were supposed to be watching a heavy metal documentary, but Jen wanted to see Stephen Sondheim at the BBC. So maybe next weekend. I've read a bit more of the Nergal Confessions of a Heretic book but haven't looked much at Writing the Uncanny. Today it was announced that no further covid restrictions would be in place before New Year's Day in England. After that I reckon larger venues will be forced to close again. Which means Rollins spoken word will either be postponed or cancelled outright. I need to get back to exercise. It's been a luxury to have central heating over the Christmas period – thanks to Janet and Naj. When I get back to Moorside tomorrow my house will be a fucking fridge. I have lots of catch-up work to do this week but will return to Bensham for New Year's Eve. 10.26pm.
Tuesday 28th December 2021
Some days there is loads to say. And some days I just want to throw my books away and not even bother calling myself a creative person ever again. Just find some menial part-time job to get the pittance for subsistence and live out the rest of my days watching movies and listening to rock music. I feel no compulsion to broaden my horizons. I never have. Minutiae and outrage. I swing from mundanity to warlike proclamation quite regularly, but I mostly just tread water. Much of life is pointless. I mainly just pull life to bits. Most people would say: For fuck’s sake, will you give it a rest? Luckily for me, Jenni finds me rather amusing. Of course, I can be light-hearted – but can also explode with outrage at the most trifling injustice. Anyway, today I read more of the Adam ‘Nergal’ Darski book. I had a bowl of tomato soup and later some Ravioli on toast. Jen was still working when I left for the 47 bus back to Consett this evening. Quite a lot of people onboard. Was it a covidmobile? Don’t know, don’t care. Sick of being battered by fear mongering media. If I catch it, I catch it. I’ll deal with it then. But in the meantime, I just want much of life to leave me the fuck alone. 11.20pm.
Wednesday 29th December 2021
Late entry. I’m an idiot. After an all-day typing session, I forget to go back to the notebook. I’m probably shooting myself in the foot here coz it’s not a good look to be grumpy about not wanting to write. Especially when you are going to include the entry in a blog post linked to your writing website. I was never a good salesman. I don’t have a head for business. At present I’m just worn down. I’ve written a lot this year. NaPoWriMo (30 poems in 30 days); Longer Days and Lighter Nights (80+ outdoor observational diary entries with accompanying photographs; NaNoWriMo (50,000 words of raw fiction in 30 days), Morning Pages (over 200,000 words, most of them typed from handwritten scrawl). I’m all worded out. I’d like to record a few performance video clips for Facebook but at the same time think it might be a good idea to stay clear of social media. I didn’t read much today beyond covid updates and my own gripes. But it was good to hear from my friend Stephen Clark. I haven’t seen him for over two years. 9.30am (next morning).
Thursday 30th December 2021
Really mild weather. I got the tax return done this morning. So chuffed to get out on the bike for an hour. Rode over to Greencroft and back. It helped clear my head quite a bit. It was good to get away from the desktop this afternoon. Copied up a load of stuff. Then packed my bag to return to Jen’s place. She has had a tough day. A tough year really. She is out having a drink in town. She says she won’t be out too late. I’m probably going to bed soon. There’s a programme on C5 about the worst TV interviews. Grace Jones was slapping Russel Harty when I put it on. It’s very warm in the attic tonight. Forecast to be about fourteen degrees tomorrow. I aim to pay my national insurance contributions at the bank. It will be good to see exactly how much I have left to carry over into the new year. I have no idea how work will develop in an Omicron environment. I’ll be pleased to see the back of 2021, to be honest. 10.50pm.
Friday 31st December 2021
Jen came home around two this morning and was quite talkative till about half four. I woke up around ten, did morning pages before twelve. I went into the Gateshead branch of Lloyds for my NI transaction. With a few bits of revenue due in the coming weeks I should be okay but am still a bit anxious about the way things are going. I ate lots of reduced-price chicken for dinner. We watched bits of old Emmerdale and Corrie. Had pizza and chips for tea. Watched a new episode of The Weakest Link. Good to just relax and not bother with NYE events. More Corrie and Top of the Pops. Lots of falling asleep. Had a salmon paste and cucumber sandwich. The Last Leg was good. So were the chocolates and stollen. People are posting end of year pieces, but I’m not up to much on social media. 11.08pm.
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